Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 1

“That’s my problem.

I think too much and I feel too deeply.

What a dangerous combination.”

– Anonymous

“Jane!”

“Jane you bastard!”

“Hey, what the hell, Jane!”

“You’re back at last!”

I got swarmed by my friends the moment they saw my face. They came rushing over to greet me, asking how I was doing, worried about me because I had been sick enough to stay in the hospital for almost a week, then stayed home for several more days before finally coming back to classes. It was like I had gone to the war in Iraq or something. (“War” my foot. Where did I go to war? It was “sick.” I was sick, okay! In 2009 even! — confirmed by Nir Noi the one day he came to watch over me.)

I sat down on one of the chairs in the cafeteria because the lunch crowd had thinned out. I was alone and felt like someone was coming to sit with me. Then sure enough, that bastard Pep came and plopped down next to me.

“What’s up, guys? Been gone a long time. Didn’t see you around here much.”

“Not much my ass. You didn’t even show up to visit me at the hospital, you bastard Pep.”

I turned to yell at him, a little hurt, just a tiny bit. But I wasn’t really feeling anything, just messing around.

“Whoa, buddy, don’t be hurt. You know I had that senior project and the professor was breathing down my neck.”

“But I saw you pop up on your little girlfriend’s story at DND.”

“Well, that’s a different story.”

“Don’t even start, you bastard friend.”

I gave him a shoulder pat to comfort him. That’s Pep for you. He always has that annoying smirk on his face.

“Man, you’re looking sharp as ever.”

“And you’re as rotten as ever, Pep.”

“You came back like this and I’m already happy. So tomorrow’s football match, are you playing like before? If you can’t handle it, just say so. I’ll call another faculty to swap.”

“Swap what? I’m right here. I’m the goalkeeper, remember? It’s the engineering match.”

“Oh, come on. You don’t want to swap? The whole match is riding on you.”

“Yeah, don’t even think about swapping. I’m right here. What the hell? I was just a little sick and you want to swap me out already?”

“Oh my god, Jane my man, you’re so sensitive.” Pep ruffled my hair and I slapped his hand away. “I’m just saying if you don’t want to swap, that’s fine. I’m worried about you, that’s all. You were sick for so long and then something came up, what happened? Come on, go on, I have to go to class. And this evening, don’t forget we have practice.”

“Yeah.”

“And don’t get all emotional about it, you wimp. Otherwise you won’t survive in this world.”

“You just go wherever you need to go, go.”

 

 

“…So what about Tee? Still no sign of him?”

I asked the moment we gathered, having waited so long that the sky was starting to get dark. Pep shook his head while the others were busy with their phones.

“Nothing at all. He’s not answering Line or calls.”

“What the hell? He’s our goalkeeper. Our best goalkeeper ever. And he just disappears like this? Tomorrow’s the match already.” I was getting anxious.

“No time left,” Earth, another friend, spoke up. “Just get ready. The sky’s getting dark. Tee will probably show up.”

“And what if he doesn’t show up at all tomorrow?” That was the worst case scenario I could think of. Pep grinned at me.

“I’ll go ask Errie at the other university to fill in for us. Errie’s not bad, you know. Not as godly as Tee, but still.” Pep meant his twin brother.

“Yeah, yeah.” I nodded and started warming up with the others.

“But it’s weird…” First, who was jogging nearby, spoke up. “Tee isn’t like this. He doesn’t just disappear without a trace like this.”

I nodded in agreement. Tee was known as the father of the whole institute. Because he was the kind of person who had a strong sense of responsibility and was involved in every activity. He was the president of the student union, president of the environmental conservation club, vice president of the swimming club, and president of the volunteer club. Yet he still managed to keep his GPA at 4.00 every semester. For someone like him to disappear without a trace like this was really strange.

First patted my shoulder. “Come on, man. It’s fine. He’ll show up. Maybe he’s just sleeping somewhere.”

I kept jogging and nodding, even though deep down I was worried about this whole thing. But whatever. I was probably just overthinking it.

“…I hope that’s the case.”

I muttered to myself, as if talking to myself, while warming up around the field. Mick, our team captain who had gathered us all to jog to lose weight before the match, almost every day. I found myself glancing at the spot where I had seen him yesterday. Because I had jogged three rounds already and I still couldn’t stop thinking about it. What was it? Or did something happen to him? Or maybe there was a problem at home so he got called back suddenly. Like maybe his father or mother passed away.

Wait. I felt like I was being watched. I looked up at the bleachers. I saw a group of guys sitting up there. And I saw one of them in the group looking at me. Actually it wasn’t strange if someone was looking at us, because we were doing the most interesting activity on the field. But it was that guy who made me feel weird. I saw him looking at me since my first warm up lap. But I didn’t pay attention, thinking he would go look at something else. And I just kept jogging. But then… at that moment he looked at me like a mosquito looking at a lamp. Like when Snape looked at Harry in the movie The Chamber of Secrets. It made me nervous, wondering if I had done something to upset him. But no… I couldn’t think of anything. I was just a nobody. I never had problems with anyone. I never caused trouble. And I wasn’t important enough for anyone to pay attention to.

I decided not to pay attention to that person I didn’t know and kept jogging, because maybe it was nothing. Maybe he was just a fan of my team or something. But when I finished my fifth lap, I couldn’t help but look up at him. Our eyes met.

“…!”

“Hey, Jane!”

Pep, who was jogging behind me, yelled when I suddenly tripped and almost fell flat on my face.

“What the hell, Jane? Hey, are you okay? Grab my hand.”

“I’m fine… I’m fine. Just tripped a little.”

“You just got out of the hospital, you definitely haven’t recovered. Go over there, go to that field. Go.”

“What field? I just tripped a bit. Don’t overreact.”

I pushed Pep away playfully. What’s with him treating me like a sick person? Then I looked up at the bleachers again.

…That person wasn’t there anymore…

 

 

Tee didn’t show up for practice yesterday. And he didn’t show up today either. No one had seen him at all. Pep had already called Errie at the other university to fill in for us. It wasn’t an official university match, just a match between us, so we could bring in someone else. But why did he have to disappear like this… his pride was at stake for a person like him.

“How is it? Are the engineering guys here yet?” I asked casually. We still had about half an hour before the match started.

“Don’t ask, man. I’m already exhausted. What about you, Mick?” First turned to ask the team captain.

“We’re ready. The penalty shootout is done. It’s not hard. And Errie said he can play anywhere, because Pep told him that Jane doesn’t have anyone to play with.”

“Okay, okay.”

Everyone got ready. That was around the time we were doing penalty practice. I couldn’t help but think about what First had said earlier.

“Mick, have you seen Tee at all?”

Mick shook his head. “No, not at all. He just disappeared. Completely gone. I went to check on him yesterday afternoon and there was no one.”

“That’s weird,” I muttered.

“I think so too. He’s never like this. If he doesn’t show up tomorrow, I’ll call his dad at the office. I have the number.”

“Yeah, yeah. Be careful, man. You’re his closest friend…”

“Jane! Hey!”

“Huh?”

“The ball’s coming!”

“Oh!”

I quickly turned to face the ball that had been flying toward Mick for a while. And the momentum made my foot slip and I almost fell. The goalkeeper wasn’t playing anymore. The ball shot past me straight toward the other end of the field.

I quickly raised my hand to call for a time out. I checked the pole.

“Sorry!”

“You bastard Jane, did you kick it to the moon or what? Just go, go get it!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

I quickly ran after the ball, chasing it with all my heart. Please, I thought, don’t let it go into the pond. Otherwise I’d be in big trouble.

I picked up speed, chasing the ball that I could see rolling away, fast, right in front of me. It was rolling straight toward the pond. Oh no, no, no. I kept praying in my heart as I ran faster. Why did the university make this slope lead straight to the pond like this? Come on, the ball was rolling faster than before!

I felt like I was wasting my nerves on something like this. Before I knew it, before I could even think, at the moment I was about to reach it, the ball stopped because someone’s foot blocked it. I braked hard.

That person was sitting on a bench by the pond, holding a phone. He stood up full height when the ball rolled to his foot, then picked up his phone and put it in his bag. The tall guy in that student uniform looked at the ball, then at me. He picked it up with one hand. I was stunned for a moment when I saw who he was.

Yes. He was the guy who made me trip yesterday.

This was too much of a coincidence.

I pressed my lips together and looked at his face. This was seriously ridiculous. But it was a coincidence that yesterday, when our eyes met, I felt like I was on fire. And that was what made me trip and fall.

…Wait. I felt something weird rising from my fingertips. At the moment I looked at this person I didn’t know. For a moment I felt like I had seen his face somewhere before. But at the same time I felt like I had never seen him before in my life until yesterday.

He had a tall build, a lean figure, but looked strong. His skin was fair. He stood with a slight tilt… and he had black hair, neatly styled, not too long but just right. He was handsome in a mysterious way. Handsome in a way that wasn’t showy. I didn’t think I had seen a face like this very often. Plus he gave off a cold vibe. Strangely enough, he was wearing a student uniform with a pin shaped like a cat. Weird. I had never seen a pin like that before.

Alright, this wasn’t the time to admire someone’s looks. I had a match to get to.

“…Thanks for stopping it. You can throw the ball here.”

I decided to speak up. But he just stood there looking at me. Hello? Give it here already, dude. Why was he just standing there? Was his dad going to come beat me up or something? (My mouth was just running.)

He switched the ball to his left hand. Then he held it out toward me, gesturing for me to come get it. Come on… it wasn’t that far. Was he going to put it in my hand or was I supposed to go take it? That wasn’t far.

I reached out to take the ball from my fellow institute student. I felt weird that he didn’t play any tricks that would make me grab the ball from his hand. Because if he did, I’d definitely lose my mind. This guy was weird and I didn’t know why. I almost stopped breathing.

He laughed softly, a low chuckle that reached my ears. And I had nowhere to run because he was right in front of me. I put on a smile for the person in front of me, not because I wanted to, but because he was smiling mockingly.

Yes, that’s right. He was smiling mockingly. The corner of his mouth lifted in a crooked way.

I wanted to ask him “Why are you smiling? Is there something funny?” or even ask “Do you know me? What are you smiling at, you crazy person?”

…But I didn’t do it. I just let it pass. Then I took the ball and ran back to the field.

Because I never thought… he would become someone I would never forget for the rest of my life.

 

 

We won.

Even though we didn’t have Tee, Errie proved that he was a goalkeeper sent from heaven. The engineering guys couldn’t score against us at all. We won 2 to 0. Everyone said it was a breeze… After that we all went to celebrate at a bar near the university, except I went home instead.

I opened a can of lemon soda. I don’t know why but every time I got drunk or high, I would always drink lemon soda. It was like a ritual for me.

“Oh my god, you’re back, Jane! I didn’t think you’d come to class at ten in the morning.”

“And what about you, Pep? I didn’t think you’d come to class at ten either.”

Pep came over and took the lemon soda from my hand to drink. He was still the same old bastard who never changed. I shook my head in annoyance.

“Get me one too.”

“What? I only drank one can and you want me to get you one already?”

“One can makes twenty baht total. You always take my drinks and you never change.”

“I don’t know why, but drinking from yours doesn’t taste good. But drinking from other people’s tastes amazing. Hahaha.”

“You’re so shameless,” said Namwhan, who had just come to sit with Pep. She was the first to speak, not caring at all. Our other friends, excluding Namwhan who was mixing cocktails for Pep, were making faces.

“Come on, come on. I’ll buy drinks for everyone later, okay?”

“That’s what you always say, Pep. I don’t see you buying for anyone,” Pui cut in.

“Oh, come on, enough already. Pep’s gone,” he put his hands together in a wai around the table. “I’m hungry, let’s go eat. Is there a restaurant? I want to eat something filling.”

“Okay, okay. Let’s go to our car. It’s close by. We have to go now or we won’t make it to class at one.”

Everyone got up. After that we all ended up at a restaurant near the university. Everyone was busy ordering food and chatting about exams, senior projects, classes, and home life. There was so much to talk about.

“So Jane, you came back from being sick like this and you’re already dizzy,” Namwhan said.

“Very much so,” I took a sip of water. “All the material from the assignments, I can’t catch up. I feel like I’m being crushed.”

“Hey, but you still had time to play football.”

“It’s not the same,” I told Errie.

“Oh, by the way, has anyone seen Tee? He hasn’t come to class for three days. The student union was asking about him,” Namwhan asked. I shook my head.

“No idea. Like what Pep told us. He didn’t come to the football match. Then he disappeared.”

“Yeah, we asked Mick earlier. Mick said he called Tee’s dad today. We’ll find out soon,” Pep said.

“I don’t want to think about it. For someone like Tee to just skip class for three days like this. It’s not like him at all,” Pui commented. The rest of us nodded. It was a strange story, that’s for sure.

We all changed the topic to something else. Then Pep’s phone rang. He answered and went outside to talk because it was loud inside. And at the moment Pep rushed out of the restaurant, another group of students came in.

Oh please.

I didn’t want to think about it at all…

That guy with the black hair came in with his friends. Then he went to sit at a table about three tables away from ours. The moment our eyes met. This time I didn’t run away. He didn’t run away either. But I saw that smile at the corner of his mouth again. The smile that appeared for no reason at all.

It was the moment I wanted to ask him why he was smiling.

But in the end… I didn’t ask him.

Or maybe he already knew what we had bet on.

I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t like that smile at all. Because it made me feel weird every time. It was a feeling like I was sick. Nervous, hot and cold all over. Or was I coming down with something?

He raised his hand to greet me while smiling like that, as if he cared that I had done something to him. I wanted to fight back in this moment or avoid it like I always did. But one thing was for sure… the fact that he was looking at me made me feel restless in my chest. Something about him… it was strange. It made me curious… even though he was just a fellow student like me. And the weird thing was… at this moment I still didn’t know who he was.

And most importantly, he was looking at me.

At the football field earlier. He looked at me while I was jogging. I thought he had already gone up to the bleachers. That meant his eyes were on me the whole time. I, who was down below, didn’t feel it.

He started smiling.

So I shouldn’t do anything. If I looked at him and went home.

“…Jane… Jane!”

“Oh, what is it, Pui?”

“What are you looking at?”

“I’m looking… just looking.”

“Man, don’t look. Just avoid it. That guy is dangerous.”

“…? Why?”

I asked without thinking. That dangerous guy was the one who stopped the ball for me yesterday. The one I had just been looking at a moment ago.

Pui bit his lip. His expression was troubled. Then he looked at Errie and Namwhan. They weren’t paying attention to us, busy with their phones. Not to mention Mick was wearing earphones. Pui leaned in close and whispered in my ear.

“So basically… he’s not someone we should mess with. You know this already.”

“Why? What’s wrong with him? Why are you talking like this?”

“…”

“Pui?”

“He’s a bad person. A little person who knows this story, or even if he knows he doesn’t care. Everyone’s face changes. This is the dark side of our institute. It’s something ordinary people never see.”

I felt confused. Pui, my friend, wasn’t a coward. He was a brave person. He was cheeky and bold. The fact that he had a scared expression toward this person made me unable to stop wondering. Even though I knew that person had no dark history that would make anyone come looking for him or hold a grudge. But if he was a bad person, why did something feel so off?

“Is he a gangster?”

“No… oh Jane, being a gangster isn’t the dark side of our institute for sure. That’s just a petty story. He’s something much bigger than that.”

“…So you know something but you’re not telling me.”

“I don’t know much. I heard it from my senior. He… um… he told me to be careful of him. Because I almost got involved in something inappropriate.”

“What do you mean?”

Pui picked up his glass of water. His expression was troubled. Then he lowered his voice even more than before.

“You see the pin I wear… the cat shaped pin, right?”

“I see it.”

“Don’t mess with him. Don’t do that. You idiot!”

“Sorry, sorry.”

“Alright. Just pay attention to that guy. The others are just normal people. Just a bunch of idiots who hang out with him.”

“Yeah.”

“His name is Jane.”

“Huh?”

I was a little surprised. I didn’t often hear someone with the same name as me.

“Yes, his name is Jane, same as you. He’s in year four.”

“And what made him a bad person?”

“…Because he’s a generous person who likes to help others.”

“Are you crazy, Pui?”

“No, Jane. I mean he helps everyone in everything… everything… everything… without exception. He helps everyone.” Pui said in a deep voice, his face serious. I frowned, not understanding what he meant.

“That’s a good quality. I don’t see how that’s dark.”

“Because he helps you with everything. Even if you get an F and want to change your grade to an A, he can do it for you.”

“…”

“Or even if your father has heart disease and you need the best doctor to operate on him, he can do it for you.”

“…”

“You want a Patek Philippe watch that has only four in the world? Just ask him. He’ll find it for you.”

“…”

“You know Amp, right? From our year.”

“…Yeah. Amp went to study abroad already.”

“And do you know why Amp didn’t play tennis that time?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean do you know why Amp didn’t play tennis that time. Even though he tried to enter the tournament for the prize money. He practiced thousands of times. He never missed a single ball. He was definitely going to win that year.”

“Don’t tell me…”

“Yes.”

“…”

I felt like my heart wasn’t prepared for what I heard. It hit me like an explosion right in my face.

“My senior told me… ten percent of people in the institute… have received his help in one way or another.” Pui said in a low voice, his face pale. “And no one… no one at all… doesn’t owe him a favor.”

“…And what did he get in return? Money?”

I asked without thinking, my voice hoarse. Pui shook his head heavily. That made me unable to stop pressing on.

“Then what did he get? He helps everyone. And what does he get in return? Or does he just like helping people for free? Does he do it for the reputation?”

“That’s it, Jane. That’s the scary part.”

“…”

“Because he never helps anyone for free.”

“…”

“He’s not a saint. Not generous at all, Jane.”

“…”

“Be careful of him. That’s a debt.”

“…”

“He has a book of debts. When he helps someone, that means that person owes him.”

“…”

“He won’t let you pay him back immediately. It could be months, years, or many years.”

“…”

“But don’t think he’ll forget. He never forgets. And when he comes to collect what you owe him… that’s the worst day of your life.”

“…”

“And what you have to pay back… my senior told me. Simply put, it’s your life.”

“…”

“Because when you do anything to that person, it means you have signed your life away to him.”

“…”

“And if you refuse to pay him back… do you know what happens? What you have to face is much worse than death.”

“…”

I sat still, listening to this story in silence. Pui. Then our eyes moved to the guy with the black hair who was opening the menu to order food with his friends. His demeanor in this moment looked normal and harmless. But I couldn’t laugh it off.

“You’re crazy, Pui. This is some mafia stuff. There’s no way a story like that exists. If it’s real, I would have heard about it before. Is your senior just making this up?”

“Man, this is the undercurrent. Something that doesn’t exist in the surface world. Don’t you know? The reason I know is because I work as a mechanic for my senior’s car. He told me this last night. Because I wanted to buy another car. But the model I want isn’t available in Thailand. And I wanted to get it. So I was going to be in debt.”

Pui paused to take a sip of water. Then he continued.

“I complained to Pete. He told me to go ask him. Then he gave me his number. He told me not to ask for anything, that he would find everything for me. I didn’t even have time to call and tell my senior. Because I thought he would want something in return. But he didn’t ask for anything at all. But he told me. He forbade me from telling anyone. I didn’t understand. In the end, he just agreed to tell me the story.”

“Man, I’m telling you, that’s not right. That’s nonsense. You just look at him too much. He’s just a student like you, that’s all.”

I thought this kind of story couldn’t possibly exist anywhere in the world. I said so.

“This debt story is some anime stuff. Some Japanese cartoon. Like some fourteen member yakuza gang or something. We went to high school together. You can’t possibly believe this.”

“Jane, do you know where the Aston Martin DB5 that my senior’s dad bought from his father disappeared to?”

“…Wasn’t it sold a long time ago?”

Pui smiled coldly.

“Do you think my senior’s dad, who has played with classic cars his whole life, would let that model go to someone else so easily? The James Bond car.”

“…”

I was silent. I didn’t know what my senior had told us.

That his father sold that car to him, who was his son.

“He took it. And what he got in return was… treating the doctor’s chronic disease.”

“…”

“Yes, that’s it, Jane. In exchange for my senior’s dad.”

“…”

“And as for where it ended up, in the hands of that MP… you can figure it out.”

“You guys, there’s a story.”

I, who was sitting there in silence, jumped when Pep suddenly came back with a panicked face. Namwhan and Errie quickly took off their earphones. Then Pui asked.

“Why? What’s the story?”

“About Tee. He got arrested.”

“What?”

“Yes. He’s been in detention for three days. For attempted assault on a minor.”