Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 11

“How old are you?”

“Seventeen”, he answered promptly “And how long have you been seventeen?” His lips twitched as he stared at the road.

“A while”, he admitted at last.

Stephanie Mayer. Twilight

I woke up in the middle of the night around 3: 00 AM, showered, brushed my teeth, and dizzy went back to sleep until morning. P’Jane did the same. I finally woke up for real at 7: 00 AM, feeling fully rested since I’d slept so much. After all, once we “finished helping each other” yesterday, I passed out immediately before the sun was even down. P’Jane kept his promise; he actually skipped his own classes to continue tutoring me in Fundamental Math until noon. After a shower and some lunch, we headed back to the university. I felt a bit strange because P’Jane’s student shirt was huge on me, and I had to wear my own pants again because even with a belt, his wouldn’t stay on my hips.

“Jane, what’s wrong?”

“I just feel… exposed. The shirt is so baggy.”

“Is it? Fasten the top button then.” “Oh, P’Jane! Nooo, not again!” I resisted, but he fastened that top button anyway and ruffled my freshly washed hair until it looked like a bird’s nest. When he buttons it like that, it means I’m forbidden from unbuttoning it; I have to look like a “nerdy kid” all day, or else he’ll pout. “P’Jane, you’re crazy-hey!” I pressed my hand to my right cheek after he stole a kiss. I was shocked again when he pulled me onto his lap.

“P’Jane! We’re at the faculty!”

“Who’s going to walk past here? Hehe.” He kept stealing kisses. Even though I knew this spot was secluded, I was still scared. My heart was racing; I’m still not used to this level of intimacy. We aren’t “boyfriends” yet, but we act like it. It made me wonder why I played hard to get that night-I should have just accepted the status so I could cuddle him properly from the start.” What do you remember from what I taught you?”

“Well… I remember quite a lot… ”

“And what do you remember most clearly?” “Integration,” I said, having reviewed it over and over.

“Really?” he whispered with a devious smile.

“It’s not the part where I used my mouth for you?”

“P’Jane!”“ Hmm… ?” “… Don’t.” I got goosebumps and closed my eyes tight when he blew cool air onto the back of my neck. Before I knew it, I was sitting on his lap with my legs squeezed tight. His hand stroked my thigh through my student trousers.

“And what do you remember now?” I can’t remember anything… He kissed my ear and asked again softly, “Tell me, what do you remember?” I shook my head, eyes still closed. It felt like all the knowledge I’d reviewed was shattering and scattering in every direction. “I… I can’t remember… ”

“Come on… what do you remember?”

“I only remember P’Jane… ” Because my eyes were closed, I couldn’t see his satisfied smile. In my memory, all I could see was the two of us on that bed-the image of his head moving between my legs, looping over and over like a stretched film reel.

“Then how are you going to take the exam?”

“Hic… ” I buried my face in my own shoulder as his hand teased my inner thigh. He whispered in my ear again: “If there’s a question you can’t do, just write: ‘P’Jane Ravished Me’.” I wasn’t ravished… Just almost… ” Jane… ” Why do you keep calling me… ? If you’re going to hug and stroke me this much, just take me back to your room! I yelped when I suddenly felt a sharp sting on the back of my neck, like an ant bite. It happened so fast I was confused. I didn’t get to say anything because his deep voice cut in. “Jane, go to the exam room. It’s 1: 40 PM.” “… Wh-What?!” I sprang off his lap like I had a spring in my butt. The romantic mood evaporated instantly. Seeing him smirk and wiggle his eyebrows made me want to strangle him. God, he loves teasing me! Every day it gets more intense.

“You crazy senior! Just you wait!” I shook his shoulders. P’Jane just laughed, his body swaying with the motion. “Go, quickly. Isn’t the exam at 2: 00 PM? You won’t make it.” Look at him, still smiling! My face was still bright red. “Fine!” I snapped, letting go of his shoulders. I turned to run toward the building but was caught by my left wrist.

“Should I walk you to the door? You might miss me.”

“Crazy! No! Go to your own class! I’m not seeing you again today!” I shook my wrist free, grabbed my things, and bolted. But I could still hear his voice shouting after me: “How can we not meet? We have the Makeup Abnormal Psychology class together today!” Aaargh! That’s right! How can I prank him back? So annoying! “Brake, Jane! Brake!” I screeched to a halt as Gap told me. “Guys, am I late?”

“Late? The professor just emailed everyone saying the quiz is pushed to 2: 30 PM because the meeting isn’t over. It’s only 1: 50PM.” “Ugh, I don’t know if I should be happy. I’d rather just get it over with.”“ Me too.” We sat on the floor in front of the exam room with the rest of the class. Seeing everyone cramming their notes made me feel incredibly nervous. The exam atmosphere was real now.

“Crap!” Gap yelled so loud I jumped, nearly wrinkling my notes.” What now?!” “I forgot my calculator!” He looked devastated. I smirked. “Oh, really?”

“Can you show a little concern for me?!” Gap was frantic. You can’t take a science-based math exam without a scientific calculator.

“Lucky for you, I brought two.””… Seriously?” “Yeah.”

“Oh, Jane! My best friend!”

“Get off me! Don’t hug me, I’m disgusted!” I pushed him away after he started fake-crying and hugging me like I’d saved his life. He wiped away imaginary tears in the most overdramatic way possible.

“Where is it, Khun Jenalee? Hand over the goods.”

“Hang on.” I looked into my bag to dig for the calculator. I actually only own one, but I’d accidentally put P’Jane’s in my bag because we have the same model and color. When P’Jane realized, he told me to just keep it and return it later because he was too lazy to carry it. I handed my own to Gap. He made a strange face as he took it. I raised an eyebrow.

“What? Why are you looking like that?” “Nothing… ”

“It’s definitely not nothing. Spill it.” Gap kept a sly grin.

“It’s just… ” “Tell me nicely or tell me through tears, Gap. If you don’t tell me, I’m taking the calculator back.” Gap couldn’t stop smiling. “I’m just shocked and impressed that my friend has finally… ‘ matured’.” I pointed at myself.” Me?”“ Mhm.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” “I’m talking about you and P’Jane finally doing it.” “… You idiot! We aren’t even boyfriends yet. You’re making things up!” “Oh? But your mom called me last night. She said, ‘Take care of Jane, if you guys go out at night, call and tell me.’ She called me because you weren’t answering. I lied and said you were in the shower.”

“Well… even so, I heard you slept alone last night.

” I mean… yeah, I went to his room, but we didn’t have sex! I wasn’t lying; we didn’t go all the way.

“Liar. Your ears are so red. Why are you shy? We’re adults.” “I’m not shy! And I’m not lying! I didn’t have sex with him!”“ Then what’s that mark on your neck?” “Huh? What mark?”

“This one. Let me take a photo.” Gap showed me his phone. I went cold. There was a massive purple hickey on the back of my neck!

“Shit!” I immediately covered it. What was this? I didn’t see anything when I showered at noon; I’d checked every inch in the mirror!

“Still going to lie? Tell me, how was P’Jane’s ‘performance’?” I thought back to the stinging sensation I felt right before coming to the exam room. That bastard, P’Jane! Aaargh!

“Whoa… was it that good? Your face is so red. Instead of tutoring you, what did he do to you?!” Suddenly, Gap’s face changed to deep sympathy.

“Or are you quiet because it was bad? Is he that terrible? Oh, you poor thing… ”

“He’s not terrible! He was great! He’s incredibly skilled!” Gap smirked triumphantly while I slapped my hands over my mouth for letting that slip. “Tell me everything, Jenalee. Otherwise, I’m running to tell Sherry and Namkhing that you lost your virginity. You know how those two are when they start prying.” “Choose: tell me, or let the whole faculty know.””… ”

“Sigh… I have one band-aid with me. Better put it on my ankle.” I grabbed Gap’s arm as he opened a band-aid, pretending he was going to put it on his calloused ankle. You jerk! You left me no choice!

“Gasp… ! Wait. You said… both hands couldn’t wrap around it?”“ Yeah… ” “Holy shit! Is that a Anaconda or what?!” Gap whispered intensely.

We had snuck over to the stairs to talk. I whispered back: “Yeah, I was shocked. My heart was thumping. I thought if he actually put it in, I wouldn’t survive. I wanted to run away, but… ” “But no sex. Just a hand job and a blowjob.” “Mhm… ” Gap chugged a bottle of Coke as if he were parched, then patted my shoulder.

“You’re lucky, friend! Handsome, rich, and huge. Where else are you going to find someone this perfect?” “Ugh, shut up!” I shrugged his hand off.

“Honestly, I’m scared.”

“Why? It’s your first time, of course you’re scared. But I bet you’ll get addicted. That’s a ‘rare item’ right there.” “I… I feel both excited and terrified. I can’t explain it. But either way, we have to be boyfriends first. Otherwise, I won’t agree to it again.”

“But why is it that big? Like a Westerner’s. That’s unusual for an Asian guy.” “Are we really debating P’Jane’s… private parts right now?” Gap was still curious.

” You said he grew up abroad.

Is he half-Thai?”“ Don’t be silly. He doesn’t look Western at all. Black eyes, black hair.”

“I think he could be. His features are so sharp. There are many types; he might have hidden heritage. And his name-just ‘Jane’. It’s possible, isn’t it?” “… I don’t know.”

“Which country did he grow up in?”

“I haven’t asked yet.” “What kind of ‘boyfriend’ are you? You know nothing about him!”” I told you, we aren’t boyfriends!” “But you’re ‘talking, ‘ right? When you’re talking to someone, you should know things. When I hit on a girl, I know her shoe size! Seriously, what do you actually know about P’Jane? You know as little as I do-basically just the surface stuff.” I sat there thinking and realized it was true. Why did I know so little? Whenever I ask, he answers, but it’s like… he never volunteers information. Everything feels secret and vague. How much do I have to dig to know the whole story? Putt showed up ten minutes after the quiz started. Luckily, the professor let him in. I felt grateful to P’Jane because the exam went better than expected. He really is a genius; the problems he tutored me on were exactly like the exam, just with different numbers. He said he remembered them from memory. (Which aso means the professor hasn’t changed the questions in years!) I didn’t expect a perfect score, but maybe 65-70%, which was enough to keep me alive until the midterms. I finished the quiz feeling much better than the first time.

“Yay! Quiz is done! Let’s go celebrate!” Namkhing cheered.

“I’m in! Can we do Japanese? I’m craving it,” Gap added .

“Let’s go to the mall then, maybe a movie after,” Sherry suggested .” Oh, Jane can’t.

He has the Makeup class at 6: 00 PM. He won’t make it.” “Oh, right… then just lunch behind the university.”

“The sushi place? Okay,” Gap said . “How are we getting there?”

“Take my car,” Putt said .

“I found a spot right by the faculty, sol just shoved it in and ran up to the exam.”

“So lucky!” Namkhing said .

“Usually those spots are full.” We walked toward the parking lot. I trailed behind because I was still annoyed with Putt. But the guy with the Subaru keys turned to me.

“Jane, you sit in the front. Otherwise, you’ll complain about my driving and throw up again.” The others held their breath, waiting for my reaction.

“Fine. Because you do drive like a maniac. Drive properly for once! Why do you always drive like you’re racing?”

“The spirit of a fighter is in my blood.”

“Save it for the track! Drive smoothly for normal people.” “You’re such a nag, Jane.”

“And you’re a speed demon, Putt.” The others smiled, seeing us reconcile without needing an apology. We chatted about the quiz. That’s the thing about ‘friends’-the word is short, but the meaning is long.

“Putt, what happened to your car… ?” Gap asked , sounding confused.

We all went silent. I looked at Putt’s Subaru. The hood was caved in. It was dented as if someone had intentionally smashed it. For a car lover like Putt, this shouldn’t happen-whoever did this should be dead. I looked at Putt. He looked angry and stressed. His eyes were hard, but not vengeful. Actually… he looked like someone who understood why this had happened.

But even if he understood, he couldn’t help being angry. Beneath the anger was stress and anxiety. Then, he forced a smile. So weird. “It’s been dented since last night.”

“What? Since last night? Do you know who did it?”“ Forget it. Let it go. It still drives, so it’s fine.”

“Shit, that dent is right in the middle. Something definitely hit it. Is someone messing with you?”

“I told you, forget it! Maybe a rock fell on it. I’ll get it fixed later.” We murmured in agreement. Since the owner wasn’t making a fuss, we didn’t ask more. Since I was sitting in the front, I took a closer look at the hood. God… that’s going to cost thousands to fix.

“Jane, stop touching it and get in! You have class later,” Putt said .

I turned to him.

“Want to try fixing it ourselves? I saw a video online-if you pour boiling water on it and push from the inside, it pops back. You won’t have to spend money.” “You can’t reach this spot from the inside! You… ” He tapped my head lightly. I yelped. Putt has always played with my hair.” Get in. Everyone is hungry.”

“Jane, what’s on your neck?”

“Bug bite!” I slapped my hand over the hickey. My heart hammered. I calmed down when I felt the band-aid was still there.” I’m in! Go drive, Putt!”

“Jane, I think you’ll pass. Definitely.”“ Mhm.”

“P’Jane, you remembered the questions so perfectly. They were identical.”

“The professor still hasn’t changed them?” I shook my head, playing with my seatbelt.

“Nope. Just different numbers. I skipped the ones I couldn’t do to save time for the ones I was sure about. Was that right?” “Probably. I don’t know… I rarely find questions I can’t do.” I pouted. It was annoying how he said that with such a neutral face, like he was talking about the weather. I wish I could say that. “Why the face?” P’Jane asked after turning the car. He was taking me home.

“You can tell me anything,” he said kindly, ruffling my hair. I loved the warmth of his hand.

“I’m just jealous of your brain. You’re good at everything.”

“Not everything. I’m much worse at football than you. You scored two goals today.” After the Makeup class, P’Jane had watched me play. He cheered so loudly I almost tripped. My friends teased me relentlessly. Crazy man… But then, the whole university knows we’re seeing each other. We aren’t hiding it.

“But I think if you practiced, you’d be great.”

“No thanks. I don’t like team sports.”

“You like being a lone wolf?” He turned the car and answered slowly.

“You could say that. I like doing things alone.”

“But it’s fun with friends.”

“Better not… ”

“Why? I hate being alone. It’s lonely. I want to know why you like it.”

“How many reasons are there for a person not to trust anyone?”” Hmm? Does that mean you had a bad experience?” He nodded, eyes on the road.

“I was betrayed.” “Really? By a friend?” “Yes. We were friends at the time.”

“Oh… ”

“It wasn’t a good situation,” he continued.

“I didn’t trust people easily to begin with. I thought I’d filtered them well, but I still failed. After that, I decided: enough. I’ll do it myself from now on.”

“That’s awful… ” P’Jane smirked. This time, the smile was… chilling.

“That’s how people are. They betray you easily if there’s nothing to hold against them.” “‘ Trust’ is just a stupid word.” That sounded scary. But I figured he just had one really bad friend. I’ve never been betrayed by a friend.

“That’s because you have no secrets, Jane.”

“I have no secrets. Nothing. Who would betray me?” Silence for a minute. Then I spoke up.”… Does that mean you have secrets?” P’Jane laughed so loud I jumped.

“What secrets? I tell you everything.” True… but I still didn’t feel like I knew everything. “P’Jane, does that necklace mean anything? Or do you just like it?” He smirked.

“It has a meaning.”

“What is it?” “It’s locking something away.”

“What? Tell me.” “A secret.””… ”

“Just kidding!” He ruffled my hair again, his eyes crinkling.” Look at your face! You’re terrified.” “Well, why did you use such a serious voice? I got goosebumps!” | showed him my arm. His voice really had turned deep and cold for a second.

” You said you grew up abroad.

Where?”

“America.”

“Whoa, cool.” He gave me a look of endearment.

“It sounds cool, but it’s just average. Nothing special.” “Were you there long? Did you do high school there?” “Yes.”

“Since 7th grade?”“ Mhm.” “I didn’t know you grew up abroad. Your Thai is perfect! No accent at all.”

“Maybe at first it was shaky, but I’ve been back a long time.” I forgot… he’s a genius. Someone with that brain wouldn’t struggle with anything. Speaking two languages fluently would be as easy as peeling a banana.

“But your English is another level. When you presented in class, everyone was captivated.”” Don’t praise me too much, I’Il get shy.”

“It’s true!” I elbowed him.

“Then… was it hard when you moved back to Thaiand? Much adjusting?” P’Jane just smiled but didn’t answer. After a moment of silence, he asked: “Is there anythng you want to tell me today?” “Smooth subject change. Well, actually… Putt’s car got smashed.” “Aha… ”

“The hood is dented in a weird way. If it wasn’t a person, it was a huge rock. But Putt says he doesn’t know and to just forget it.”

“Then it’s probably nothing.”

“I’m surprised he isn’t screaming. He loves that car. He once made Sherry cry because she got in the car while damp after a waterfall. But this time, he’s totally calm. It’s out of character.” P’Jane changed lanes, his voice flat.

“Maybe he already knows why it happened. Maybe he understands the reason, so he isn’t making a fuss.”

“Maybe… but it’s still weird.”

“Is it? Jane, sit still. There’s a checkpoint.” I checked my seatbelt. P’Jane slowed his Mercedes. The police signaled for him to roll down the window.

“Student, have you been drinking?”

“No, sir.” The officer ordered a breathalyzer anyway. I laughed because P’Jane always gets pulled over. Maybe it’s his “bad boy” look-he looks like he was born to be a trouble-maker. When I drive, the police always let me pass because I look like a “good boy” who drinks milk and goes to bed at 8: 00 PM. P’Jane is the opposite.

“License, please.” While holding the breathalyzer in one hand, P’Jane reached for his wallet with the other. He accidentally dropped the wallet onto my lap, and several cards spilled out.

“Sorry, Jane. Grab those for me.” He handed his license to the police and blew into the machine. Everything was fine because he hadn’t had a drop of alcohol. The police sent us on our way. P’Jane shook his head. “I can’t win. They call me over every night.””… ”

“Good thing they only check for alcohol. If they checked for nicotine, I’d be in jail for sure.” “… ”

“Jane? Why are you so quiet suddenly? Is something wrong?” “N-no. P’Jane, turn into this alley. The main one is closed for pipe repairs.” He nodded and turned. Within ten minutes, the Mercedes stopped in front of my house. I gave him a wai as usual. “I’m going now.”

“Jane, wait.” He grabbed my arm and lifted my chin. I had to meet those deep black eyes. They were sharp-sharp enough to make me feel a sudden chill.

“Are you unwell? You’re acting strange.”” I’m fine… ” “Really?” I nodded. He watched me for another moment before letting go.

“Go inside then. See you tomorrow.” “Mhm.” I opened the door and unlocked my gate, knowing he was still watching me. He always waits until I’m inside. Usually, I wave one last time, but today, I didn’t. I went straight to my room and collapsed on the bed, my mind racing over what I had seen. P’Jane’s American ID card… Jane Patrick Tarry Palakorn. It was written clearly. Jane Patrick is his first name, Tarry is his middle name, and Palakorn is his surname. Is he half-Thai? He was born in America-otherwise, how would he have citizenship? I didn’t know… I didn’t know at all. But the most shocking thing was his birth date. August 22nd, 1994. This year, P’Jane is twenty-seven years old.