Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 23

Cause every time I see you.

I don’t wanna behave

. ···

His thumb brushed my lips before he let go, sliding both hands down to my waist. He traced his fingers up my back, following the line of my spine until he reached my shoulder blades. My skin broke into a shiver at his light, electrifying touch. My heart hammered so hard I thought it might explode, and before I knew it, I was pulled firmly into his strong embrace.

He leaned down to press his lips against mine. Because I was so tense with nerves, my mouth was clamped shut tighter than it had ever been in my life. But P’Jane didn’t give up. He used his left hand to squeeze my cheeks until the pain forced my lips apart, allowing him to slide his tongue in to sweep through my mouth.

I trembled violently, like someone shivering from a deep chill. P’Jane lowered me onto the wide bed. He removed my shoulder bag and tossed it aside indifferently before turning his full focus back to my lips. I let out a protesting moan when he pinned both of my arms down. His speed and expertise left me breathless and struggling to keep up.

My lips were swollen from his suction; the kiss was so heated and intense that our teeth clashed. As his heavy body pressed down on mine, in the exact second it was truly about to happen-without my willing consent-the feeling was simply… horrific. It was a sensation of the heart wanting to resist, while knowing deep down that resistance was impossible.

In the end, I can’t escape anywhere, can I? I’ve truly lost to P’Jane. I had no right to refuse, and I had no right to complain to anyone about this. P’Jane is above the law, and I had made a real deal with him. My body… it didn’t belong to me anymore. As I closed my eyes, bracing myself for everything that was to come, I suddenly felt all movement stop.

I opened my eyes, utterly confused. P’Jane was still hovering over me, but he wasn’t attacking anymore. His large hands moved from my wrists to my collar, straightening it for me before he pulled away. I pushed myself up from the mattress to meet his eyes. In the dim light, a single sliver of brightness cut across his face once more before he spoke in a firm, steady voice.

“I never force anyone.” I was speechless. I never expected him to give up this easily. I used my right hand to pull my collar tight together, my face flushing hot when P’Jane’s eyes-still lingering with a trace of hunger-traced a path from my face down to my chest.

“But I don’t have much patience, either.” He pressed a small smirk into the corner of his mouth. Just a tiny one.

“You’re lucky this time, Jane.” Then he got up from the bed and switched on the lights until the room was blindingly bright. He clicked off the playlist he had set. P’Jane grabbed an ice-cold can of soda, popped the tab, and took a drink. He didn’t look frustrated in the slightest. Honestly, it was impressive. The rhythm of his throat moving as he swallowed the dark liquid looked like a scene out of a movie. And he was that “villainous” lead. Jane Patrick was a work of art. He turned to me.” Were you scared just now?” I didn’t answer but turned my face away. There was no point in hiding it or lying; my stiff, ice-cold body had already told him everything.

“You’re acting like you’ve never done it before.”

“It’s not the same!” I snapped back instantly, my voice still trembling slightly. I wouldn’t deny that I wasn’t entirely inexperienced. In fact… I had even done it with him before. But…

“Knowing it’s coming like this is too terrifying! It’s like someone saying, ‘We’re taking you to be hanged now, so prepare your heart.’ It would be better to be taken to the gallows without being told anything at all. I didn’t say I wouldn’t give it to you, but right now I’m not ready. I just can’t do it yet!” “Fine, fine. Don’t shout. I stopped, didn’t I ? Chill, baby, chill.” I fell silent, watching P’Jane from the bed, not knowing what to do next. What now? If we weren’t having sex, what were we going to do? Just sit and stare at each other? P’Jane wouldn’t be so dishonest as to change his mind again later, would he?

“You have an essay to write, don’t you? Which subject?” “What?”

“Bus-Com (Business Communication).” “Come sit here. I’ll help you.” He rolled the desk chair out. It was the same chair I had sat in when he tutored me in Math-back when things had spiraled far beyond studying. If today the situation was the total opposite of that day… then I guess things like this really can happen. Since I hadn’t brought my laptop, I was forced to use his MacBook. I logged into my email with extreme caution, making sure “Save Password” wasn’t checked, and I even used my other hand to shield the keys as I typed. I couldn’t trust him. This man beside me had a photographic memory; one glance at my hand and he’d know my password. I had to protect myself at every turn. I clicked into the Google Doc I had left open. It was an individual assignment:” Australians and Mexicans: The Two Different Cultural Understandings.” P’Jane leaned in to read the title, then turned to look at me. “Don’t you think you chose a topic a bit far from home?” “What else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t think of anything else, and everyone else had already picked the other topics.” He nodded in acknowledgment. I rushed to add, “If you can’t help, it’s fine. Go watch TV or do whatever. I can do this myself.” The truth was, being left alone would have been much better. “Something this simple isn’t exactly ‘hard.'” P’Jane didn’t budge. He made that annoying comment with a completely blank face, showing he wasn’t even trying to be mean-he just genuinely believed it.

“You’re almost done with the intro. Want to keep going?” “Yeah, okay.” I pulled my rough draft from my bag, but before I could start, my stomach let out an embarrassingly loud growl. I clutched my stomach, trying to keep my face neutral so he wouldn’t realize that as soon as the fear and adrenaline faded, I had become ravenous. But my act couldn’t fool P’Jane. “Hungry, aren’t you?”

“No,” I said, keeping my neck stiff.

“Why must you be so stubborn with me, Jane?” I didn’t answer. I thought the reason was obvious: because he was coercing me. The tall figure rose from the chair. I heard him picking things up and pressing the button on the electric kettle. In less than ten minutes, P’Jane returned with a cup of Nissin Tom Yum Goong (creamy style). The scent of the seasoning hit my nose, and my mouth watered instantly. I happened to love Nissin Tom Yum Goong. The cup was placed in front of me. I looked at it, my heart split in two. Should I accept his kindness? If I did, would I look like I was giving in too easily? Like I was accepting my status as his “possession”? No, I should have some pride. Even if I’d made a deal to sell my body and soul, I still had my dignity. But if I didn’t eat it… I was so hungry. No, no… I need to take a stand. I should refuse it-throw it away. Don’t let Jane Patrick know I’m so easily controlled.

“Not eating?””… ” “I’m hurt.”

“Fine, I’ll eat it myself.”

“Stop! Give it here!” Damn it, Jenalee. Why are you like this? I heard a soft chuckle from the tall man as I began eating the noodles, my cheeks burning with shame. The intense flavor made me cough slightly, so I grabbed a bottle of ice-cold water and gulped it down to quench my thirst. I glanced at the man beside me and found that he had been watching me for a long time. That made me choke on the water. I scrambled for a tissue to wipe my mouth and my shirt. P’Jane pulled open a drawer and grabbed something. He stood up, moved behind my chair, and leaned down to place something ice-cold against my chest, making me flinch. It was that same key pendant-the one he’d given me before, the one I’d thrown back at him after learning the truth. He leaned down and whispered in my ear. “Wear it. You’re mine again, Jane.”

“Don’t take it off, no matter what happens.””… ”

“Understand, darling?” His curved lips pressed a soft kiss to my ear before he sat back down. Suddenly, my pace slowed. I felt a lump in my throat that made it hard to swallow. I could feel the cold metal rolling against my skin. It felt cold, hard, and shiny-but this time was different from the first time I received it. Back then, it was a symbol of our blooming love. I had been beyond happy to wear it, polishing it and admiring it in the mirror every day. But this time, this necklace was a shackle. It was a pet’s collar.

“When you’re finished, go throw it away in the living room,” the deep voice commanded. I nodded, walking like a tame animal to toss the cup before returning, feeling justas hollow. I saw him wearing his glasses, seriously scouring websites for references for my work. I sat back down and told him to move over, intending to do it myself. I didn’t want to owe him anything more. However, P’Jane stayed right beside me as I wrote. He offered several useful opinions and found reliable sources. I could tell this essay was becoming very effective. More than that, it was becoming an excellent piece of work because of P’Jane-not because of me.

By 11: 00 PM, I was yawning so hard tears came to my eyes. I slapped my own cheek with my left hand, trying to craft the next sentence. P’Jane had just excused himself to the bathroom. The letters on the screen blurred together. I rubbed my eyes, but they still overlapped like watermarks. Ah… I’ve been working too long. I should close my eyes for just a second to rest them. Come on, I’m almost halfway done. Five minutes of rest, then I’ll wake up and power through to the end. I woke up groggily to the sound of birds chirping brightly outside, welcoming the dawn. I rolled over and grabbed a pillow to cover my ears. God, what time is it? Morning came fast. Morning… Wait, it’s morning?! I bolted upright in bed, the blanket falling away in shock. Since when did I actually go to sleep?

My shock doubled when I looked down at my clothes. I was wearing a soft T-shirt that was far too big for me, and my pants had been changed into loose boxers. I looked to my side and saw P’Jane fast asleep. I wasn’t an idiot; I knew instantly that he was the one who had changed my clothes and carried me to this bed. I didn’t feel any embarrassment about the fact that he’d seen my body. One, because he’d seen it before. Two, because right now l couldn’t care about anything except my work. No! Did I not finish it? I’m dead. It’s due this afternoon! I scrambled over to his MacBook and tapped the space bar twice to wake the screen.” Huh?” My essay was finished. It was done all the way to the references, formatted in perfect APA style. I froze for a moment before turning back to the man sleeping soundly. P’Jane. Even though it wasn’t even his job. Suddenly, I felt a surge of emotion. I sat in front of the computer, reading that brilliant essay over and over, page by page. From bottom to top, top to bottom, left to right. It was flawless. I spent thirty minutes in front of that computer processing what had happened-realizing how this work came to be, and because of whom.

Then, finally, I right-clicked. I hit the trash icon. The entire assignment was deleted instantly. I didn’t want to accept anything from him. Even if I wanted to, l shouldn’t. I mustn’t. I couldn’t forget the truth: he is a demon. He is a monster who never gives anything without demanding something in return. ‘Don’t give him anything he can use to demand things from you.’ Putt’s voice rang in my head like a warning, and I had already realized that truth for myself. Being indebted to him once was more than enough. Don’t let this fake kindness come back to hurt you again, Jenalee. Don’t let him hurt you again. And this time, I hadn’t asked for help. I hadn’t asked him to do it. To put it bluntly, he had stuck his nose in and done it himself.

It was a “good intention” that I didn’t want in the slightest. I got up from the chair, brushed my teeth, showered, and dressed as quietly as possible. I grabbed all my belongings and left the condo, hailing a motorcycle taxi to the faculty building. I spent the entire morning in the computer lounge, rewriting the essay from scratch by myself. That way, P’Jane could never demand anything back from me. I only got a ‘C’ for that assignment. Well, it was understandable.

It was a rush job, a “burned” assignment. I hadn’t even rechecked the grammar, and I’d skipped all my morning classes just to get it finished. Honestly, getting a C was a godsend. If I could just score well on the final exam, I should be able to pass the course without a problem. I trapped the ball with my lead foot as Mix passed it to me, dribbled forward, and kicked it with all my might.

“Yessssssssss!”

“Nice one, Jane!” My friends swarmed me as the ball hit the net, putting our team up 3-0. A wide smile spread across my face. The game ended with our side taking the victory. We split up to shower off the sweat and then, as usual, headed out in a big group to find something delicious to eat. Since we’d won a big match today, we had to go all out. Once we finished eating, everyone headed back to their homes or dorms. I hopped into a yellow-green taxi and gave the driver my address. The car had been moving away from the university for less than ten minutes when my phone rang.

“Hello? What is it?”

[Why haven’t you been picking up my calls?]

“I’ve been busy. I didn’t hear it. Do you need something, P’Jane?”

[ No. ]

“Then that’s all. I’m tired.”

[Jane, wait. ] I didn’t hang up as he asked, but to be honest, I had no heart to talk to him.

It’s not like we’re actually boyfriends or anything.

[I haven’t really seen you the last few days. Only in the classroom. ]

” Yeah, well, I’m busy. You’re busy too. Finals are coming up soon.”

[And where are you now?]

“On my way home. I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m coming down with something, so I’ve been headed back since this afternoon.”

[Can I come see you?]

“What for?” I snapped, my voice laced with more irritation than l intended before I tried to soften my tone.

“Don’t come. Everyone at my house goes to sleep early. By eight or nine, they’re all getting ready for bed.”

[No reason. I just want to see you. We haven’t seen each other at all. ]

“Can we meet another day?”

[… Fine. ]

“Is that all?”

[Next time, if you aren’t feeling well, tell me. I’ll drive you home. I’m actually not that busy lately. ]

“Mm-hmm,” I replied dismissively.

[Have you eaten yet?]

“Yeah.”

[What did you have?] I sighed.

“Look, is there anything actually important? I have homework to finish and books to read. Finals are close and I don’t have time to chat. I’m not brilliant like you, P’Jane-I can’t just listen to a lecture once and have it all stick. That’s it for now.”

[Wait. ]

[Will you have dinner with me tomorrow?]

[We both finish at 4: 00 PM. We can go together. ]

“Yeah, whatever. Fine.” He had cornered me so suddenly I couldn’tthink of a way to refuse in time.

[How about Chez Marie? You once said you liked the spaghetti there. ]

” Sure.”

[Then I’ll call and book a table. I’ll book it under ‘Jane Patrick.’ I’ll meet you in the lobby after class tomorrow. ]

“Fine.”

[I won’t bother you further. Focus on your reading. ]

“Okay.” I cut the line. The truth was, the taxi had only just made a U-turn across from the university. If I wanted to change direction and go to his condo, it would have been incredibly easy-but I didn’t. I didn’t want to see his face at all.

“Gap, Putt, wanna go to karaoke?”

“What kind of mood are you in?” Putt asked , raising an eyebrow.

“Just bored. I want to sing. Hang on, let me Line the football team first.”

“Are you in a hurry or something… ?” Gap looked confused while I messaged the group chat, inviting everyone to a karaoke spot at the nearby mall. We managed to gather six people in total, split 3-to-3 between Putt’s and Chin’s cars. We sang like idiots for two hours until our throats were raw. After all the singing and dancing, we went to eat and then played games at the arcade. Time slipped away until it was 8: 00 PM. I was going to be home late again.

“Jane.”

“What’s up, Putt?” I asked before shooting the basketball in my hands. I missed. Putt had an expression I couldn’t quite describe-a mix of awkwardness and hesitation. Finally, he spoke.

“P’Jane called. He said he wants to talk to you.”

“Give it here.” Putt handed me his phone. I took it like I was taking bitter medicine, putting it to my ear while trying to act indifferent.

“Hello?”

[Why is your phone off?]

“It probably died. Anyway, what is it, P’Jane?”

[Did you forget we had a dinner date?]

“Oh. Yeah, I forgot. Sorry. Let’s do it another time.”

[Come to Chez Marie now. I’m still waiting. ]

“Waiting?!” I cried out, shocked.

“What do you mean ‘waiting’? You haven’t eaten yet?”

[No… ]

“Then why didn’t you just eat? Why wait this long? Next time, just eat first. Don’t wait for me like this.”

[I already waited. Come find me. You know the restaurant closes at ten, right?] I hung up, feeling extremely frustrated.

Damn it. In the end, I had to go. Why does he have to be like this?

“You guys, I’m heading out. Urgent business. No, Putt, I’ll go myself.” I told my friends who were about to offer me a ride. They shouldn’t have to stop playing just because of me. Everyone was having a good time competing. I hailed a taxi from the front of the mall to Chez Marie. When I informed them I was there to see Jane Patrick, the staff immediately led me to a table on the second floor. I slumped into the seat, my face twisted in a scowl, seeing the table was empty. Across from me sat the tall man in his student uniform, who had clearly been waiting for hours. I was fuming. As soon as the waiter finished serving the water and stepped away, I started complaining.

“Why haven’t you ordered anything yet?”

“I was waiting for you so we could order together.”

“You didn’t have to. I’m not eating. I already ate. Just order whatever you want.” I waved my hand dismissively, my irritation palpable. I was annoyed that he waited, annoyed that he successfully made me come here, and annoyed that he wouldn’t order a single thing. Why did he have to make me feel guilty? If the phone is off next time, just give up and eat alone. It’s not like you’re going to die. I avoided eye contact as he watched me, as if he were analyzing something. Finally, he decided not to say anything. He flicked his napkin onto his lap with the poise of someone well-versed in table etiquette. He called the waiter and ordered a few items while I pulled out my phone. I sat there playing games, leaving him to eat dinner alone. I’d already said I wasn’t eating. I was only sitting there because he wanted me to. When is this boss going to die already?

“Jane.” My fingers are about to cramp up. Die, die, die… ” Jane.”

“What?!” I looked up, irritated, as if he were interrupting the most important task in the world. P’Jane stared at me calmly. For a split second, I thought he was going to say something cruel, but he didn’t. Instead, he asked what he had intended to ask from the start.

“Would you like some dessert?” I sighed. You called me for that?” No. If you’re going to eat it, just eat it. If you’re done, I’m going home.” I went back to my phone, ignoring him completely. The tall figure took a sip of water before asking again.

“I thought your phone died.”

“Well, it’s on now. This is Jet’s old phone. If it were great, why would Jet have replaced it? It turns on and off like this all the time,” I answered in a bored, annoyed tone. I didn’t even look at him. Why was he pestering me so much?

“Jane.”

“What now?!” I asked, even more annoyed, finally looking up to meet his eyes. P’Jane stared at me with those razor-sharp eyes before saying something that nearly drove me mad.

“From now on, you’re moving in with me.”

“Are you crazy? What are you talking about?” I finally dropped my phone. What was he saying? He’d clearly lost his mind. P’Jane swirled the water in his glass, completely unfazed by my outburst. He continued in a flat, matter-of-fact voice: “We hardly ever see each other. I feel like this isn’t an ‘efficient’ relationship. I’ve decided it’s better if you move in with me. My condo is closer to the university anyway; you won’t have to wake up as early as you do at home.””

“But this makes no sense! W/ hat will my dad and mom say?” I slammed the table so hard a fork flipped over, but P’Jane didn’t even flinch.

“Why would they say anything? You’re a man, Jane. Don’t you stay over at Gap’s or Putt’s dorm all the time? Besides, I’m not charging you rent. You stay for free; you don’t have to pay a thing. It’s a win-win for you.” “But-” “I’m not saying you have to move in forever and never go home. You can go back sometimes, but you’ll spend most of your time here. If your parents have a major problem with it, I’ll go talk to them myself. I’ll tell them straight out-that I’m your boyfriend. Adults usually find me quite charming.” The smirk he gave me at the end left me speechless. Of course-what parent wouldn’t like him? His looks, his status, his education, his family lineage… he was perfect. Any parent would be thrilled if their child ended up with someone like this. Even I used to wonder, over and over, why I was so lucky. Why someone like him would ever like me. But as they say: anything that seems too good to be true usually is. I stared at P’Jane while my brain whirred like a machine. Suddenly, the words “1. 2 million” flashed in my mind, and I fell silent. I sank back into my seat, feeling lifeless. His deep voice continued, sounding as if it were floating from a great distance.

“I’m not telling you to move in today or tomorrow. I’m not saying you should pack everything at once and make it suspicious. Move in gradually. Start by staying over often. Let it happen naturally; your parents will get used to it eventually.” “… ” “Plus, we have to practice social dancing. Finals are coming up, and there are so many moves you still can’t do.” “Check, please. I don’t want dessert.” I rode in his BMW back to my house without saying a single word. My face was scrunched up in a sulk the entire way. The atmosphere was made worse by the fact that P’Jane didn’t even turn on the music, letting the heavy silence stretch on endlessly. Finally, when the car came to a complete stop in front of my house, I unbuckled my seatbelt. “Wait.” P’Jane caught my arm. I didn’t have the heart to ask him “what” anymore; the fact that he was forcing me to live with him was consuming my entire mind. P’Jane stepped out of the car. I heard him open the trunk before he came around to open my door, making me jump slightly in surprise. “Here.” His large hand held out a bouquet of lilacs, wrapped in paper and tied with an elegant white bow. I stepped out of the car and stared at it, confused. “For me?” “Yes.” Why?

“I wanted to give them to you. And this, too.” A brand new iPhone. I looked up at his handsome face, which wore a faint smile. Suddenly, I found myself unable to speak. I reached out and took both items because he had been holding them for too long already.

“Do you like them?”

“Yeah… thank you,” I murmured, refusing to meet his eyes. P’Jane reached out and stroked my head, just like he used to. The warmth from his palm spread through my entire body. He stroked my hair gently for a moment before pulling away.

“See you tomorrow.”“… Yeah.”

“Go inside now, before the mosquitoes bite you.” I nodded and stood there watching until his car disappeared from the alley. Only then did I turn to enter the house. My face remained expressionless as I dropped the expensive bouquet of lilacs into the tall trash can. Then, I unlocked the gate. I couldn’t exactly throw the iPhone away, and if I didn’t use it, he’d notice and start prying. I shoved the new iPhone box into a drawer and slid it shut without looking at it again. I’ll just keep it for now. I’ll figure out what to do later. I’ve been staying at his condo for several nights now, just as he wanted. I spent the entire week being irritable toward him over every little thing he did. No matter what he did, I was dissatisfied. Even when he apologized, I stayed cranky.

This frustration didn’t stem from his actions-it stemmed from the fact that I had to endure living with him. Aside from that, we practiced social dancing intensely. I probably would have been a better dancer by now if I hadn’t wasted so much time arguing with him, even though he was trying to be patient with me. I knew deep down he was much better at it than I was, but the rebel inside me refused to give in easily. I hated being forced to follow his whims, but I had no choice but to comply. In the end, my only outlet was this emotional outburst. It’s been almost a month, and I’m still not used to it. I lifted my glass and raised one finger-a signal for the bartender to bring another drink. I couldn’t believe I’d reached the point where I was so stressed I had to come out and drink alone. The chemicals in my body were at war with each other, making life difficuIt. Part of me just wanted to go along with it, following my usual submissive nature, but the thought of being constantly coerced made it impossible for me to just give in. Rrrrr “Hello?”

[P, Mom’s asking if you’re coming home to sleep tonight. She said she thought she saw your shadow earlier this evening. ]

“I… I’ll probably be back. Tell Mom and Dad they can go to sleep. If I don’t come back, I’ll Line you.”

[P, are you drunk? Why does your voice sound like that?] “Drunk?

Don’t be ridiculous.”

[Are you with friends? If you’re alone, I’ll come find you. ]

“Stay home. You aren’t even old enough to be in a pub or a bar. And no, I’m not alone. Tell Mom and Dad not to worry.” I cut the line on my younger brother. I’d told P’Jane I was going to sleep at home for a few nights and just left without waiting for his permission. To be honest, even if he protested, I wouldn’t have cared. Don’t I have the right to sleep in my own home whenever l want? ‘I want you to be mine… indefinitely.’ ‘Mine… heart and soul… body and all.’ ‘I want to be your first.’ I didn’t know how much longer I could avoid this. He wasn’t forcing me, that was true, but from living together this much, I knew it was going to happen soon. And he would get my innocence exactly as he desired. How disgusting. I jumped, nearly punching the person who grabbed my shoulder because I was so lost in thought. I stopped my hand just in time when I saw who it was.

“Whoa, your face is bright red, Jane.” P’Win.

“How have you been? It’s been a long time.” P’Win greeted me with a smile. Since we hadn’t ended things on bad terms, he could still offer me his kindness. Suddenly, shame and guilt washed over me. I still remembered the sound of his crying that last time; I remembered exactly how much pain I had caused him.

“P’Win… how have you been?” “Oh, I’m alright. Surviving.” He gave me a thin smile-the kind that almost made me want to cry. Was I imagining things, or did he still have feelings for me? Or was the alcohol making me hallucinate, causing me to misread his expression out of self-centered hope?

“Are you here alone?”

“It’s Friday night; of course I’m out celebrating with friends. What about you, Jane?”

“I came alone… ”

“Are you lonely? I can sit and keep you company.” P’Win still seemed like the same kind, harmless person I used to know.

“It’s okay. Go have fun with your friends, P’Win. I just had some things to think about, so I came to sit by myself. I’m not lonely or depressed or anything.”

“But I’m worried about you.”

“Come on, I can take care of myself.”

“Well then, why don’t you come sit with my friends? They’re all good people. You’ll have a lot more fun that way.” P’Win made the offer, and I looked at him, weighing it in my mind. Honestly, it couldn’t hurt… a change of scenery and meeting new people might be better than sitting here drowning in my own thoughts.

“Okay, then.”

“Let’s go.” Because the bar was quite dark, P’Win had to lead me by the hand to his table. It was a standing table with no chairs. Everyone had just arrived, so no one was really drunk yet.

“Hey everyone! This is Jane, my junior from the university. He’s going to join us.” “Sure! Make yourself at home ~” “Ooh, are you really/ just friends, Win? Look at those eyebrows ~”” Wait, why does the name ‘Jane’ sound so familiar, Win? Hmm?” I felt a bit embarrassed as everyone gave us knowing looks, but P’Win shut them down with a firm tone.

“We’re really just friends, I’m not lying. Don’t tease him, or he won’t want to stay with us.” “Alright, alright, we’ll stop. So, it’s Jane, right? Cheers! ~” I joined them in a toast. Even though I was “joining” the group, I mostly just talked to P’Win. It’s common in nightlife for people to pair off like this. Still, I felt much better than I had when I was alone. I smiled, I laughed, I danced, and I shouted into P’Win’s ear while he did the same. No one else bothered to tease us anymore; everyone was focused on themselves and whoever they had their eye on.

“Jane, watch out!” P’Win cried out as I tripped over my own feet returning from the bathroom, stumbling forward. Luckily, P’Win caught me in his arms just in time. I burst out laughing at my own clumsiness, and P’Win laughed along with me.

“Tired of walking yet? Want to go sit over there for a bit? It’s a little quieter.”

“That sounds good. My ears are about to explode.” P’Win supported me as we went to rest in the seating zone. The music wasn’t as deafening there. P’Win and I chatted about everything-from serious topics to complete nonsense-until, before I knew it, we were sitting incredibly close to each other. My leg was pressed against his. If I moved just a little more, I’d be sitting on his lap. I stared into P’Win’s eyes, and he was already looking at me. An old flame was reignited deep within both our gazes. Finally, P’Win was the one to speak.

“Jane… ““ Yes?” “I heard that you went back to your ex.” “… ”

“Congratulations. That ‘Jane’ probably takes better care of you than I could.””… ”

“I’m not angry with you. I… I understand.” I didn’t answer but kept my eyes locked on his. A shadow of sadness appeared in his gaze. There were a million words I wanted to shout, words I wanted to say so P’Win would understand the truth of what was happening-but I couldn’t. This wasn’t something I could just reveal to anyone on a whim. Even the loud music in the club felt like a distant echo. All I could see was P’Win’s face, flushed from the alcohol. I was likely the same. I had drunk until I was drunk, sobered up, and then gotten drunk all over again. The alcohol was boiling in my veins.

At some point, our hands had found each other, interlacing. Suddenly, something pushed me to ask: “Do you still miss me?” P’Win’s heavy, lidded eyes searched mine before he answered.” There isn’t a single day that I don’t think about you.” I didn’t know if those words were a lie or the truth, or if he only said them because he was drunk. But I didn’t care. At this moment, fueled by a reckless desire for freedom, I felt a surge of momentum. I reached out with my right hand to cup P’Win’s cheek, noticing his eyelashes were closer than they had ever been. We kissed. It wasn’t just a kiss. The intoxicants made my entire body feel like it was on fire. Everywhere P’Win’s hands touched felt like an electric spark-a strange, thrilling sensation.

Before I knew it, I was sitting on his lap. Two of my shirt buttons had come undone. One of P’Win’s hands was wrapped around my waist while the other slid inside my shirt. We kissed as if we were glued together. Usually, P’Win wasn’t fast with his hands-that’s why they call alcohol “character-changing water.” It drags out the raw instincts in everyone. So this is what they call the right place at the right time. I didn’t know if I loved P’Win, or how much. Maybe I didn’t love him at all. But I knew one thing: I wanted to do this. I smiled. We were panting and groaning, kissing without a break until we were out of breath. P’Win pulled back to speak.

“Jane… there’s a hotel near here. Want to go?” “Yeah… yeah… let’s go.” P’Win and I went out to hail a taxi. The next thing I knew, I was being led into a mid-range hotel room. I couldn’t stop laughing because I was ticklish as P’Win nuzzled into my neck. How long had it been since he’d shaved? Four days? A week, maybe? No one was forcing me. I was completely willing. Did I look like an idiot to you, P’Jane? Well… now I finally get to beat Jane Patrick.