Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 37

I have died everyday waiting for you

“How’s it going, Putt? We miss you, man. We’re back to visit you again. Seeing each other every year like this-hope you aren’t sick of our faces yet.” Gap spoke up. Today was a public holiday, so the five of us met up to bring flowers to Putt. It’s been five years since that day.

Has it really been that long since Putt left us? it feels so fast it’s heartbreaking.

“Putt, I’m getting married to P’Pai. If you were still here, you’d definitely be there,” Sherry said , sharing her news.

“True. Ry invited the whole country,” Gap teased.

“Shut up, Gap!”” Hey, I’m serious. Isn’t it like eight hundred guests?”

“Those are my parents’ guests!” The two of them bickered while Namkhing and I stood there laughing. Every time I’m back with my friends, I feel like I’ve stepped back into the old days.

“We’ve never forgotten you, Putt,” I said softly.

“Yeah,” Namkhing added .

“I make merit for him all the time. But do you think he receives it? Putt was Christian.”

“Who knows, Khing? None of us here are dead yet.” After visiting the grave, we went to the mall to eat and catch up. Sherry is engaged and marrying next year; Namnching’s tutoring school is doing great. Meanwhile, Gap and I just complained about our lives.

“Being an employee is so soul-crushing,” Gap groaned.

“Tell me about it. But at least you’re at a big company with full benefits,” I countered.

“Mine is ‘International’ in name only. The internal system is garbage, and I haven’t had a raise in a year because they claim the company is losing profit.”

“But at least you don’t have problems with colleagues. You know the saying: ‘A cramped house is fine, but a cramped heart is unbearable.’ Me and P’Phan clash every day. If he’s in the elevator, I won’t get in. I’ll wait for the next one. He stinks. If he gets promoted this year and I don’t, I’m actually quitting.”

“My company’s environment is terrible, too,” I added.

“The career path is blurry, the HR is moldy, and my boss doesn’t care about health-if you take a leave, he pries into everything.”

“Is this a contest for whose office is worse?” Namkhing asked with a smile.

“You two should apply to be flight attendants,” Sherry suggested .

“No thanks. I can’t handle the lack of sleep. Seeing you fly around like a bird scares me,” Gap shot back.

“I’m not tall enough, Ry,” I joked.

“So, I’m stuck in the office.” We finished dinner, had dessert, and went to karaoke until late.

As we headed to my car, Gap stretched.

“Ugh, just thinking about work tomorrow makes me sick.”

“Work is money, money is work, and work brings happiness… just keep chanting that, man,” I said.

“Tell me the directions again. I still can’t remember the way to your new condo.”

“Yeah, okay,” Gap replied .

“Sigh. I’m thinking I should find a girl at work to crush on. Maybe it’ll give me a reason to actually want to go to the office.”

“Good luck. Sounds like a plan.”

“You say that like it’s easy. I’m lucky if I don’t get buried alive by paperwork first.” Gap went quiet for a moment, then cleared his throat.

“Hey… that necklace. You still haven’t taken it off?” I went silent.

“Okay, okay, don’t overthink it. Forget I asked.”

“You can ask. I’m used to wearing it now.”

“Doesn’t it hurt? Having to think of the person who gave it to you every time you see it? When I broke up with my girl last year, I mailed everything back. I didn’t want to see a single thing; it hurt too much.”

“There are plenty of good memories, too,” I said quietly.

“I try to choose to remember the good things rather than the bad. Besides, P’Jane was very good to me.”

“True,” Gap nodded.

“If you still feel something for him, why not ask for another chance? From what I remember, you two just broke up abruptly.”

“I don’t even know where he is.”

“Have you actually tried looking for him?”

“I tried. But I wouldn’t call it an ‘exhaustive search.’ I was the one who asked to break up. To crawl back and ask for a chance now? That feels shameless. I’d feel like a total jerk.”

“In love, everyone can be a jerk. You clearly miss him. You just realized it late.”

“Like I said, I looked for him a bit. But if I flew over there to find him, I’d probably come back empty-handed. America isn’t a place I know. I don’t even know which part of Bridgeport he’s in.”

“True. America isn’t Salaya. Even if you knew the house, it’s a huge country.”

“I even went to see his relative a few times-the doctor. But when I saw his face, I didn’t dare ask about P’Jane. I just got a check-up and left. I spent so much time gathering my courage for nothing.”

“Man, that’s a shame. But his relative was nice to you, right?”

“Yeah, same as always. But he’s very busy, being a top doctor and all. I didn’t want to bother him.”

“Sigh. Your story is never easy,” Gap lamented.

“But you’ve gotten tough, Jane. You’ve grown up a lot since Putt died… and since you broke up with P’Jane. You aren’t fragile anymore.” Gap looked at me as ↓ expertly overtook three cars in under five minutes.

“Jane, why don’t you give yourself a chance? Let someone else make you happy.”

“You mean dating other people? I’ve tried.”

“And?” I shook my head.

“Fail.”

“What do you mean ‘fail’?”

“I mean… they weren’t him. I realized very quickly that I wasn’t falling in love. I didn’t want to force it, even if they liked me a lot.”

“Then how do you know when you’re falling in love?”

“When it hurts,” I answered.

“Whenever it feels like torture… that’s love.””… ”

“Because love isn’t just about happiness. It’s bittersweet. I used to think love meant someone pleasing me and making me happy every day. I was wrong. That’s a childish view. Love isn’t any of that. It’s just that one thing that makes you want to stay by someone’s side forever, even if it hurts like death.” “And so far, no one has made me feel like he did. That’s how I know I don’t love anyone else.” I dropped Gap off and headed home. It was only 7: 30 p. m. I hoped I could finally write a line of my novel tonight.

“I’m home, Mom, Dad.”

“Back already, Jane? Want some chive dumplings?”

“No thanks, I’m full.” I sat on the old sofa next to Mom. They were glued to the news.” What’s the news, Mom?”

“A missing persons case. They’ve been gone for three days now.”” Who? A celebrity?”

“No,” dad replied.

“A politician. They went skydiving. Both the husband and wife disappeared into the forest. Search teams are out.”

“Ugh, just seeing the cliff makes my stomach turn,” Mom shivered.” Promise me, none of my kids will ever play extreme sports like that. If you, Jet, or Jean disappeared like that, I’d go crazy.” The news reporter continued: “There is still no sign of Mr. Supphareuk Supphanakhin, the famous MP, and his wife, Khunying Sakuna Juengtaweekiatyod. Experts believe they may have perished… ” I bolted upright as if I’d been burned. My heart raced.

“Jane! What’s wrong? You scared me!” Mom cried.

“That… that’s… ” I pointed a trembling finger at the TV.

“That’s P’Jane’s mother! Khunying Sakuna is P’Jane’s mother!” I frantically called P’Ram.

“P’Ram, it’s Jane. P’Jane’s ex.”

[” Oh, Jane. I remember. Is something wrong?”]

“I’m so sorry to call the hospital line, but I don’t have your personal number. I just saw the news about Khunying Sakuna and her husband… ”

[” Yes… the family is in chaos. We can’t find them anywhere.”]

“Oh no… what can be done?”

[” To be honest, the chances of survival are slim. I suspect the parachute didn’t open. They likely hit the rocks and fell into a crevice. That’s why we can’t find them.”]

It felt like a punch to the gut. A week later, there was still no progress. Everyone had accepted the inevitable-they were just looking for the bodies now. Friday arrived. It was the last night of the funeral rites for Khunying Sakuna and the MP. My mind was a battlefield. Should I go? Should I not? I wasn’t invited.

It was a high-society event full of VIPs and bodyguards. Who was I? Just an ordinary office worker who spoke to the Khunying once. But if I don’t go today, it’s over. This is the last chance.

“Jane? Are you okay?” P’Sao asked as I suddenly grabbed my bag and bolted. I didn’t listen to anyone. I scanned out and drove toward the temple. Friday evening traffic was a nightmare. Halfway there, the sky opened up. A light drizzle turned into a torrential downpour. I slammed my head against the steering wheel. I’d been stuck for over an hour. Then, disaster struck-my engine sputtered and died as I drove through a deep puddle. It wouldn’t restart. It was past 7: 00 p. m. I didn’t know when the prayers would end. I grabbed my phone, switched Google Maps to “walking mode,” and stepped out into the storm. It was only a twelve-minute walk, but without an umbrella, I was soaked to the bone in seconds. The rain felt like needles stabbing my skin. My eyes stung. Then, I tripped on an uneven manhole cover and crashed onto the pavement.

“Ow… ” I sat there, shivering, soaked like a drowned puppy. My knees were scraped, and I had no strength left to get up, even though the temple gates were right there. Then, the rain stopped hitting me. But I could still hear the storm. I looked up and saw a pair of polished black leather shoes. I wiped the water from my eyes and squinted. Standing over me was a tall man with broad shoulders, looking as if he’d been through military training. He was incredibly elegant and commanding, wearing an Armani suit, a black tie, and a white shirt. He held a black umbrella that shaded his face, leaving only his lips visible. The scent of his cologne-cooler than the rain-hit my nose. My blood turned to ice, then boiled with a sudden fever as he moved the umbrella back, revealing his face. I felt like I was screaming his name at the top of my lungs, though in reality, only a whisper escaped my lips.

“P’Jane… “