Deep in the Act: Chapter 14

Fang Chi parked his car on the tree lined road outside Gao Zhun’s residential complex, lit a cigarette, and leaned against the car door smoking. At exactly nine o’clock, he saw Zuo Linlin walking toward him with her arm linked through Gao Zhun’s from afar. Fang Chi raised his arm and waved, went up to stand at the main gate, and glanced to the side to see the property guard at the gate staring at him with fixed eyes. When their gazes met, the guard hurriedly looked away.

Fang Chi remembered. It was the security guard who had patrolled the complex that night. He felt somewhat awkward, so he could only look straight ahead and pretend not to see. Zuo Linlin looked beautiful today, her long hair reaching her shoulders, her short skirt studded with crystal decorations large and small, her feet in seven or eight centimeter red high heels. Her two long legs were very striking, making her look even taller than Gao Zhun.

“Charles!” She ran over ahead of Gao Zhun, half falling into Fang Chi’s embrace, gripping his shoulders and planting a kiss on each of his cheeks. When Fang Chi turned his head, he saw the property guard’s face. How to describe it? The young man was dumbstruck, as if he’d seen something eye opening.

Fang Chi noticed that she had dressed up entirely for him. Earth toned eyeshadow, YSL Rouge Pur Couture No. 17 lipstick, milk tea colored nails… all things he liked. That sweet feeling from when they were in America was stirred up again, giving him a moment of distraction.

Zuo Linlin left his embrace, as if the camera had cut. Gao Zhun appeared before his eyes. A delicate face, a shy smile, a small jacket with the collar slightly open, light colored jeans, chestnut colored high top calfskin boots. Completely different from his weekday self. “Dr. Fang, good morning.” His voice was soft and drawn out, like he’d eaten candy.

“You didn’t wear a tie.” Fang Chi couldn’t help but smile.

Gao Zhun looked as if complaining. “The homework you assigned me.”

Zuo Linlin inserted herself between the two of them. “There’s an art exhibition this morning, ten minutes’ drive from here. In the afternoon we’ll catch a movie. In the evening we’ll have dinner together.” She looked at Fang Chi with those phoenix eyes, smiled, and revealed half a dimple. “Take your car?”

Fang Chi glanced at Gao Zhun. “Ten minutes’ drive. Let’s just walk over.”

Zuo Linlin pouted. “But I’m wearing high heels.”

Gao Zhun showed a troubled expression. Fang Chi noticed. “Mr. Gao and I will walk over. I’ll call a car for you, princess.”

“Then forget it,” she rolled her eyes, linking one arm through each of theirs. “You two better hold me up good. If I fall, I’ll make you come to the hospital to keep me company every day!”

The three of them walked down the tree lined road, Gao Zhun on the outer side. Sunlight filtered through layer upon layer of branches, casting shifting patches of light on his face. Fang Chi tilted his head to steal glances at him. Zuo Linlin noticed his gaze and thought he was looking at her. She felt somewhat shy, yet also pleased with herself. At this moment, Gao Zhun’s phone rang. He picked up. “Hello, Justin.”

Fang Chi pricked up his ears and heard Gao Zhun say helplessly, “It’s not that I don’t want to take you, it’s just that Eason would be more suitable this time…”

“Charles,” Zuo Linlin suddenly turned her face toward Fang Chi. “Do you still remember that time we went to an art exhibition in New York? It was this kind of nice weather too.”

On Gao Zhun’s end: “Justin, you’re overthinking it. I can’t take you on every business trip…”

“We passed by a coffee shop. The owner was Chinese,” she leaned in lightly, somewhat nestling against his arm. “She said we looked very good together… Charles, are you listening?”

“Ah, I’m listening,” Fang Chi hadn’t heard a word she said. He was focused on Gao Zhun’s phone call and only found her noisy. To change the subject, he asked a question he already knew the answer to. “Who’s calling?”

Zuo Linlin paused, then changed her tone. “Oh, one of his subordinates,” she said casually, even a bit impatient. “He’s been calling him a lot lately. I’m sick of hearing the name.”

A car came up from behind, brushing past Gao Zhun’s arm. Fang Chi startled, let go of Zuo Linlin’s hand and circled around to the outer side. Right at that moment, Gao Zhun put down his phone, smiled at him gratefully, and supported Zuo Linlin’s slender waist, carefully switching her back to the middle again.

Fang Chi grew agitated. He found himself uncontrollably looking toward Gao Zhun’s side. And honestly, he had never really thought before that Zuo Linlin was such a talkative person.

The art museum was located on a corner covered in evergreen ivy. Two stories, not very large. Today happened to feature a human body art exhibition by two Korean sculptors. Fang Chi and Zuo Linlin walked in front. The manager seemed quite familiar with Gao Zhun, and the two of them chatted slowly in the back.

“Remember Texas?” Zuo Linlin was still holding Fang Chi’s arm. “Three years. I always think of that little filly. The one you really liked. Named Chacha.”

Gao Zhun maintained an appropriate distance from the exhibition manager, happily discussing new directions in art investment lately. Fang Chi quietly listened to his voice, until Zuo Linlin suddenly stopped. “I know you hate me,” she lowered her voice, not forgetting to keep an eye on Gao Zhun’s side. “Because you can’t forget me…” She knew her own charm, provocatively lifting her snow white chin.

Gao Zhun maintained an appropriate distance from the exhibition manager, happily discussing new directions in art investment lately. Fang Chi quietly listened to his voice, until Zuo Linlin suddenly stopped. “I know you hate me,” she lowered her voice, not forgetting to keep an eye on Gao Zhun’s side. “Because you can’t forget me…” She knew her own charm, provocatively lifting her snow white chin.

Fang Chi hadn’t forgotten her. Looking at that tender stretch of neck, he clearly remembered how she felt to the touch. Gao Zhun finished chatting with the manager, fresh and clean as a bamboo branch, walking over toward the silver light cast by the overhead lamp. Zuo Linlin gave him a sweet smile. “You guys chat,” she looked at Fang Chi with seeming meaning. “I’m going to the restroom.”

This was a hint. How could Fang Chi not know? But Gao Zhun was right beside him, looking at him lightly, making him unable to move his feet. “These sculptures…” He felt his mouth go dry. “They seem unfinished.”

Men and women, naked bodies, materials of knotted wood or cracked ceramic, with a kind of rough texture. Gao Zhun standing among them looked excessively slender. “It’s just a style. Modernism.”

“You…” Fang Chi weighed his words. “Do you think the male body is more beautiful, or the female?”

Gao Zhun was like a startled little child, his eyes widening, then breaking into a smile like ice cracking. “When I was at art school I drew human bodies every day. I drew until I was sick of it. In my eyes there’s no difference between men and women. It’s just now looking at you…”

He stopped. Fang Chi asked curiously, “Looking at me how?”

Gao Zhun lowered his head, very bashful. “Occupational hazard. Don’t mind me…” His voice was so quiet it was almost inaudible. “However many clothes you wear, to me it’s like you’re wearing nothing.”

Fang Chi was speechless. Gao Zhun’s face reddened and he quickly explained. “That’s not what I mean. I’m saying… what I see are bones and the direction of muscles. No matter what you wear, no matter how thick, what I see is the body itself. And I can tell at a single glance…” He seemed not to know where to put his eyes. “You have a great body.”

The atmosphere was a bit awkward. Next to Fang Chi was a clay gray female sculpture, with a large buttocks and swollen breasts. “Linlin has a nice figure.”

Gao Zhun’s reaction was cold. He merely nodded. Fang Chi felt this was a good opportunity to explore. “How’s your relationship with her?”

Gao Zhun took a breath, looking somewhat aggrieved. “You noticed…” The corner of his mouth twitched. “We might be breaking up soon.”

Fang Chi wisely said nothing, waiting for him to continue. Sure enough, after a brief silence, he went on. “I can’t satisfy her,” he paused, his voice somewhat shaky. “In every aspect…”

Fang Chi was about to speak when Zuo Linlin came out of the restroom, her face dark, her high heels clicking loudly, deliberately showing Fang Chi her moist, makeup smudged eye corners.

The three left the art museum. It was just past ten. The movie theater was nearby. By the time they arrived there were already quite a few people. Fang Chi had been subtly keeping Gao Zhun in front of him, half shielding him, afraid he would be frightened by the people brushing past at any moment. One thriller and one romance film. Zuo Linlin looked excited. “Haven’t watched a horror film in so long. Let’s do this one!”

Gao Zhun showed a look of terror. Fang Chi immediately said, “Let’s watch the romance film. I like warm and cozy ones.”

“Charles, I seem to remember you loved horror films the most,” Zuo Linlin raised her eyes. The subtle rise of her apple cheeks indicated she was being mischievous. Fang Chi knew her too well. As he expected, she smiled and asked Gao Zhun, “What do you think?”

Gao Zhun looked at her, then looked at Fang Chi, so pitifully pale. “Since Dr. Fang likes it…”

Three tickets. One was against the wall. Gao Zhun walked through the narrow aisle and sat down first. Zuo Linlin was about to go in next when Fang Chi stopped her. He went in instead. Zuo Linlin paused, then quickly understood, happily sitting by the edge. She thought Fang Chi wanted to separate her from Gao Zhun.

All the lights went out and the dragon logo came on. Darkness everywhere. Gao Zhun’s breathing grew erratic. Fang Chi could feel it. His whole body was tense, like he was bound hand and foot by an invisible rope. The opening credits weren’t long. The scene shifted to a small alley, no beginning or end, only the sound of leisurely footsteps. Gao Zhun leaned more and more toward Fang Chi. His cool breath was already hitting Fang Chi’s ear. Suddenly, a blood stained hand flashed on screen. The sound effect went boom. Gao Zhun’s whole body cringed. Fang Chi immediately reached his hand over in the darkness and firmly grasped his hand.

Almost simultaneously, Zuo Linlin’s soft hand slid onto Fang Chi’s thigh, paused for a moment, then moved to his other hand, her fingers intertwining with his. Fang Chi couldn’t say why, but he felt repulsed inside. He used drinking water as an excuse to pull away once. She intertwined again. At this point, Gao Zhun’s hand was trembling so much it couldn’t be held. Fang Chi could only intertwine fingers with him the way Zuo Linlin had done with him, while propping his shoulder over, pressing against his cheek and saying, “Close your eyes. If you’re really scared, lean on me.”

Gao Zhun’s eyes, brimming with watery light, shone brightly in the darkness. Fang Chi saw them and couldn’t care about anything else. He simply lifted the armrest between their seats and wrapped his arm around his waist.

Gao Zhun’s body was warm, like a frightened kitten or puppy, burrowing alive into his embrace. Zuo Linlin looked over from the side, very unhappy. “What’s going on?”

“I need to take him out,” Fang Chi stood up holding the person. “You watch first.”

Under everyone’s watching eyes, he carried a beautiful man, stumbling and bumping his way out of the theater. Even after getting out, he didn’t dare take the person anywhere too bright. He stopped behind a square pillar in the corridor. Like peeling a piece of flesh from his own body, he slowly let go of him.

Gao Zhun’s lips were trembling. A line of tears had pooled beneath his eyelashes. His gaze was unfocused. Fang Chi grasped both his hands and called out urgently. “Gao Zhun, look at me. Look at me!”

Gao Zhun seemed not to hear, muttering from deep in his throat. “No, no… let me go… please…”

Fang Chi realized he was associating this with his own traumatic experience. At times like this, direct comfort usually didn’t work. He adopted a guiding strategy. “You want me to let you go?” He loosened his grip slightly, making as if to move away. Gao Zhun immediately reacted, grabbing his hand back, looking at him in panic, and for the first time called out his name. “Fang Chi, Fang Chi!”

Fang Chi smiled calmly. “I’m right here.” He held his hand with one hand, pressed and rubbed his chest with the other. “It’s okay. Come, breathe with me.”

He breathed in and out. Gao Zhun followed his rhythm, like a pair of fish keeping each other alive in the water. Zuo Linlin stood at the theater entrance, looking at the two of them in disbelief. Fang Chi turned his head and saw her, saying matter of factly, “We’ll head back now.”

She opened her mouth to agree, but somehow a thorn grew in her heart. She said coldly, “I’m hungry. Let’s eat first.”

Fang Chi looked at her incredulously, using his thumb to wipe away the tears at the corner of Gao Zhun’s eye.

In the end they did as Zuo Linlin said, ate lunch before going home. She picked a Korean restaurant, their specialty being ginseng chicken soup. While waiting for the food, the three of them looked at each other. Gao Zhun was very self blaming, looking apologetically at Fang Chi. “Today I ruined it. I’ll make it up to you next week.”

Fang Chi wanted to comfort him with a few words, but Zuo Linlin said, “Exactly. It’s rare that Charles comes out.”

She rubbed her metal chopsticks against each other, making a small grating sound. Gao Zhun said nothing, took out his phone and looked down at it. Fang Chi felt he still hadn’t come out of the panic from just now. Those hands should be cold. He really wanted to warm them… Discovering his own thoughts, he was somewhat surprised. At this moment, the server brought out side dishes, sour and spicy, making one’s stomach tighten just looking at them.

Gao Zhun didn’t touch his chopsticks. He struggled to hold on for a while, but finally couldn’t endure it and stood up. “I… need to use the restroom.”

Only Fang Chi and Zuo Linlin remained. She was gentle and beautiful again, her phoenix eyes slanting upward, presenting her most moving demeanor to him. This was the moment Fang Chi had dreamed of for three years. Good food, soft light, her. What more could he ask for? But he was distracted, always wanting to look in the direction Gao Zhun had left. This unknown restlessness was unusually intense, beyond his imagination.

Suddenly, the phone rang. I never wanna see you unhappy, I thought you want the same for me…

Fang Chi immediately got up. “Taking a call.”

He went straight to the restroom, didn’t even look and hung up the call, rushed into the restroom, looked around and Gao Zhun wasn’t there. He panicked. Facing that row of stalls, he called out, “Mr. Gao?”

From the innermost stall came the sound of a lock being fumbled with. Perhaps because of trembling, the door took a long time to open. Fang Chi pushed the door in and saw Gao Zhun standing alone, like an abandoned orphan, his finger pressed against his lips, as if afraid he would make a sound. At this moment, Fang Chi wished he could stab himself with a knife. Really. He couldn’t stand seeing him like this. “I’m sorry. I came too late.”

Gao Zhun pressed his finger even tighter. Fang Chi hurriedly lowered his voice. “Don’t be afraid. They can’t hear.”

He reached out his hand, carefully going to cup his wet face. Gao Zhun said in a voice so light it was almost inaudible. “Hug…”

“What?” Fang Chi was like holding a pearl, or like cupping a gust of wind, not daring to use even slightly more force. Gao Zhun was trapped between his palms, begging him. “Hug me, please…”

If there were a layer of gauze, at this moment it would surely break at a touch. If there were a wall, at this moment it would collapse into sand. Fang Chi was like a thief, and also like a bandit, snatching him into an embrace, holding him tightly. Gao Zhun let out a long sigh, whether from the pain of being snapped at the waist, or from the relief of things finally settling.

“Save me…” he said.