Deep in the Act: Chapter 38

Gao Zhun woke up in Fang Chi’s arms, or more accurately, was lying limply on top of him. The first light of dawn was showing, the quilt was warm and cozy, and his lower body hurt a bit. The inner part of his thighs was probably chafed raw. Gao Zhun slowly rolled off, lifted the quilt, and spread his legs to sneak a peek. Fang Chi woke up right then, saw his strange movement, and coughed.

Gao Zhun quickly clamped his legs together, blushing, and said awkwardly, “Morning…”

Fang Chi sat up, frowning and reaching down. Gao Zhun immediately understood what he was looking for, and with his feet he felt around on his side of the bed, then passed his underwear to him from under the quilt. Fang Chi seemed very uncomfortable, his face not looking good. That proper gentleman act made Gao Zhun a bit reluctant to let go. “I don’t have to go to the office today…”

He leaned over, his hair messy, wanting to kiss Fang Chi on the mouth. But Fang Chi dodged quite obviously. Gao Zhun was badly hurt, but he didn’t say anything, stubbornly pressing toward Fang Chi’s mouth. Fang Chi restrained himself and said, “Linlin is coming back this weekend.”

Gao Zhun froze. He had never expected to hear that name at a time like this. “How… do you know?”

Fang Chi faced him reluctantly. “She texted me.”

Text message, not WeChat. Did that mean their relationship wasn’t that close? Gao Zhun felt like someone had pulled the bones right out of him, his whole body weak with sadness, tears welling in his eyes. Fang Chi felt some regret and wanted to cup his face, but Gao Zhun slapped his hand away.

“Give me your phone.” Gao Zhun was clearly trembling, but putting on a hard front.

Fang Chi couldn’t accept either his tone or his demand. “That’s my private…”

“Are you giving it or not!” Tears slid from the corners of his eyes, reflecting the morning light with a subtle pinkish glow. Gao Zhun’s brows were sharp and fierce. Fang Chi stared at him speechless for a while, then sighed, unlocked his phone, and handed it over.

Gao Zhun practically snatched it. He tapped on the text messages several times before they opened. Inside was a dense wall of text, stretching endlessly, so many entries and so many names. “Where is it…” He flipped down hysterically, the more he couldn’t find it the more anxious he got, like an unreasonable child. He shoved the phone at Fang Chi. “Find it for me!”

Fang Chi was helpless, but still indulged him and found it. Under Zuo Linlin’s name, there were dozens of read messages. Gao Zhun read through them one by one. Things like “You know I hate jet lag the most,” “The sky in Brussels is so blue,” “I’m thinking of your Fontainebleau,” all the way to “Time flies so fast, only three more days until I can see you.” Gao Zhun was like a lost puppy, looking at Fang Chi with eager eyes. “You’ve been in touch all this time?”

“She contacted me,” Fang Chi took back his phone. “I didn’t reply to a single one of her messages.”

Gao Zhun looked very uneasy, even somewhat agitated. “I’ll break up with her.”

“And then?” Fang Chi threw off the quilt and got out of bed, not turning his head, just tossing his voice over, with a probing tone. “Find another girlfriend?”

“With you…” Gao Zhun started his sentence high, but didn’t quite dare to finish it. “Can’t we?”

“I’m not gay.” Fang Chi walked into the bathroom and turned on the faucet. Gao Zhun seemed to think of something, his shoulders trembling violently, and he asked fearfully, “Then… do you want to be with her?”

Fang Chi didn’t answer, as if the water was too loud to hear. Gao Zhun wanted to chase after him and ask, but when he lifted his leg his bare bottom was exposed. He hugged the quilt in embarrassment, so humble and hunched over, staring foolishly at Fang Chi’s back.

Who could remain unmoved when stared at with such burning eyes? Fang Chi saw his soul-lost appearance in the mirror and wished he could turn around and pin him down right then. But he forced himself to harden his heart and ignore him, taking his time washing his face and brushing his teeth. Gao Zhun waited so hopelessly, waiting for him to come out of the bathroom, then asked for help timidly, “My underwear…”

Only then did Fang Chi remember. Gao Zhun’s underwear had been stripped off by him at the entrance yesterday, together with those rather erotic suit pants and belt. They had actually been that impatient, like two animals in heat, biting at each other with all their strength, as if they had to bite off a piece of flesh and swallow it into their stomachs to satisfy their greed.

They held each other face to face. Fang Chi, learning from those dancers, awkwardly thrust his hips against Gao Zhun. Gao Zhun was already a complete mess. When his legs were lifted and he used the tender flesh of his perineum to clamp around something, he only let out a slightly surprised hum.

“Didn’t you say you’d clamp it for me?” Fang Chi forced himself between his legs, then pulled his knees tight. A young man who had been celibate for so many years couldn’t thrust as madly as he did. Gao Zhun was left with nothing but wild cries. Now sober, Fang Chi loathed himself like that, and hated Gao Zhun even more for tempting him. “There are new ones in the bathroom,” he maliciously made things difficult for him. “Come get them.”

Gao Zhun understood his bad intentions, biting his lip in embarrassment. “Don’t tease me…”

“Not coming?”

Gao Zhun looked at him, seeming to weigh his options, then slowly started moving from the bed toward him, pleading the whole time. “Hand them to me, okay?”

Fang Chi didn’t even respond, crossing his arms and enjoying his awkwardness. Gao Zhun lifted the corner of the quilt, first putting down one leg. The oval curve of his buttock was pressed against the bedsheet, quite tempting. “Don’t do this to me…” He refused to move further, his flat chest flushed red with shame. “I’ve done everything you asked.”

“We’re both men, what’s there to be afraid of.” Fang Chi asked.

“I…” Gao Zhun reluctantly put down his other leg. The wrinkled quilt barely covered that small spot between his legs. “I’m afraid if you see, you’ll hate me.”

Fang Chi suddenly straightened up. A feeling that was absolutely devastating, a warmth in his chest. He swallowed and said, “Then let me see, whether I’ll hate you or not.”

Gao Zhun tucked his neck in, face buried in his chest, and with both hands slowly pulled away the poor corner of the quilt, revealing the shrunken little thing underneath.

“Stand up.” Fang Chi ordered him.

Gao Zhun did as he was told, straightening his cowering body, both hands covering his face, like a prisoner in a concentration camp waiting to be executed by firing squad. Such a miserable sight, yet Fang Chi felt his mouth go dry. “Come here.”

He stared at the thing hanging between those legs. A man’s genitals. He thought he would be disgusted, but in fact he wasn’t. He only felt hot and bothered, like drinking a cocktail left out too long on a summer night, tipsy and drunk. Gao Zhun walked toward him, even forgetting to put on slippers, his bare feet stepping on the slightly cool floor, with a clean kind of sexiness.

Fang Chi’s gaze fixed on his lower body, very direct, not hiding it at all. Gao Zhun had posed as a model for teachers back in school, lying naked under the lights, being watched and photographed, but he had never been this drenched in sweat. He reached out to cover himself, begging pitifully, “Don’t look…”

Fang Chi very much wanted to step forward and scoop him up by the waist, but held back. His heart was racing, waiting for him to walk closer, to come within reach, before barely touching him with a scratch at the skin on the side of his neck. “I saw it.”

Gao Zhun suddenly crashed into his arms, hugging him tight, as if using all the strength in his body, squeezing Fang Chi until it hurt. “The way you are now,” Fang Chi reached out, originally intending to push him away, but instead ended up lifting him up. “Is very dangerous.”

Gao Zhun was unrestrained against him, rubbing his back, teasing his chest, growing more and more wanton. “As long as you’re willing, I’ll go anywhere with you.”

Fang Chi felt something poking his thigh. Not very hard, but warm. The hand he had placed on that waist involuntarily slid down, to the hip bone, lingering and kneading for a while, then probing forward. Sensing the direction of his hand, Gao Zhun was so excited his toes trembled. “Fang, Dr. Fang!” he called out in disbelief and longing, tightening his buttocks to push his lower body forward, his eyes looking up past Fang Chi’s chin, glancing once then immediately looking away, with an eager expression.

“You’re going back home on Friday.” Fang Chi’s hand rubbed and kneaded on his lower belly, back and forth, never touching the important place.

Gao Zhun didn’t know whether he was urgently trying to release or afraid of being sent away, twisting his hips desperately. “No…”

“Go wash up, I’m going to be late.”

Gao Zhun’s eyes were rimmed red, his sweaty forehead pressed against Fang Chi’s shoulder, grinding unbearably. “Help me…”

“This isn’t right.”

“You made me like this,” Gao Zhun’s tone wasn’t complaining, more like flirting, clinging and chasing Fang Chi’s hand with his lower body. “I just want you to touch me… just a little…”

Fang Chi knew he shouldn’t touch, but as if possessed by a ghost, he grabbed him, held him in his hand and rubbed hard twice. Gao Zhun was caught off guard, his burning moan breaking off in his throat, trembling, mouth opening as if waiting for a kiss.

Fang Chi pressed against his ear, sticky and intimate, saying, “Go wash up. I’ll pick you up after work.”

Gao Zhun looked at him, breathing in gasps.

At quitting time, Fang Chi indeed came to pick him up. Gao Zhun ran two steps and got into his Volvo. He was about to fasten his seatbelt when Fang Chi, like an obedient boyfriend, fastened it for him first. Gao Zhun was overwhelmed by the favor, his whole face red, the corners of his eyes, between his brows, and the corners of his lips all carrying a shy smile.

“How was today?” Fang Chi turned the steering wheel.

“Nothing much, didn’t really need to come in anyway.” Gao Zhun was blaming him for the morning teasing.

Fang Chi pretended not to understand. “Do you have a sun visor in your car?”

Hearing him mention that car, Gao Zhun stiffened. “Yes… why,” he reacted. “I’m not going!”

But Fang Chi was indeed driving in the direction of his home. The excited mood from when he first got in the car was gone. Gao Zhun became nervous and jittery again. Fang Chi glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “We’re just doing a simple exercise,” he lied to him. “Don’t be afraid.”

When they reached the parking lot of Gao Zhun’s building, things were not as he had said. He parked the car far away and told Gao Zhun to walk over by himself. Gao Zhun’s expression was like a child afraid of getting a shot, huddled in the passenger seat. “No, I’m not going.”

Fang Chi got out of the car and opened his side of the door, leaning in, wrestling with an invisible opponent named “fear,” pulling and dragging him down. “Hurry, be good!”

Gao Zhun struggled desperately, his hands and feet pushing and resisting restlessly. Fang Chi twisted his wrist and pressed him against the seat with his chest. Then he should have lifted him up by the waist, but he didn’t. He quickly glanced at the surroundings, then turned back and kissed Gao Zhun, a very rough and clumsy kiss that completely silenced Gao Zhun. Just when he was thinking of deepening the kiss with tender passion, Fang Chi stopped. “Get out.”

Gao Zhun looked at him resentfully, then warily looked around. Fang Chi was still urging him. “Get out, hurry.”

Gao Zhun stepped out. His polished black leather shoes stepped on the rough concrete. His lips moved. Fang Chi knew what he wanted to say. “Get out. Don’t negotiate with me.”

What could Gao Zhun do? He was a horse fitted with a saddle, only able to follow his master’s whip. Fang Chi gently pushed him forward. “Walk over there. I’ll watch you from over there,” he went around to another lane. “We’ll arrive together.”

Gao Zhun took a long time to get used to the gasoline smell of the parking lot, the bright white overhead lights, and the rows of pillars on both sides. He didn’t look at the road, only at Fang Chi, as if that was the only way he could move his feet. Fang Chi was at the other end of a row of cars, moving at the same pace as him, walking and encouraging him. “You can do it. You’re stronger than you think.”

Gao Zhun didn’t need his encouragement at all. As long as Fang Chi was there, that was enough. Trembling, he muttered to himself, “Stay with me, please…”

His voice was so small, Fang Chi couldn’t possibly have heard. But he stopped. Gao Zhun immediately stopped with him, like a mirror accurately reflecting an object. Fang Chi immediately quickened his pace, as if trying to shake him off, striding quickly along the driving lane. Gao Zhun followed anxiously, the fear of being abandoned making him panic, his eyes reddening, crying out helplessly, “Wait, wait for me!”

Fang Chi couldn’t tell what he was feeling. He liked that Gao Zhun depended on him like this, yet feared that he would truly become dependent on him. He both enjoyed that soul and flesh pleasure like a gluttonous feast, and feared taking responsibility for stirring him up. He knew he was a hypocrite, but Gao Zhun accepted it willingly, wasn’t he also muddling along and indulging in it?

Thinking this, Fang Chi no longer felt he had any sin. Instead, a perverse desire arose in him. He arrived first, standing at the middle of the Cayenne, watching Gao Zhun stumble and run over. At this moment he was satisfied, slightly opening his arms in a gesture of acceptance. Gao Zhun was overcome with gratitude, like a naive little deer, foolishly throwing himself into his trap.

“Don’t leave me.” Gao Zhun leaned in his arms, panting heavily.

“I’m right here.” Fang Chi rubbed his hair. Large patches of hair were soaked with sweat. It seemed he was truly afraid. “Go, find the sun visor.”

Gao Zhun didn’t want to leave his embrace at all right now. “What for?”

“Cover the front windshield,” Fang Chi gripped the base of his neck, forcing him to lift his face. “Then get in.”

“Huh?” Gao Zhun stared at him blankly, as if suddenly thinking of something, his expression immediately becoming unnatural, the corners of his eyes wet, his face half red, his mouth opening in surprise, revealing a bit of white teeth and dark red tongue.

“We’re going to do a behavioral therapy, flooding in real situations,” Fang Chi stared at his lips. “Using simulation.”

Gao Zhun asked with a trembling voice, “Simulate… what?”