Deep in the Act: Chapter 44

It was only evening, yet this street had already gathered so many people, wandering about, sizing each other up. Gao Zhun stood at the entrance of a bar that looked relatively low key, phone held to his ear. This was his third call within five minutes, and still no one answered.

He was wearing a cashmere coat, with a metal pin on his chest in the shape of Orion. No earrings or rings or anything. Underneath was a small suit in sandalwood color, and washed denim knee high boots. A striking outfit, yet his expression was so humble, even a bit pitiful.

Almost a month now, every trace of Fang Chi had evaporated from his life without a trace. The abandoned treatment room, the locked door. Apart from a long string of call records on his phone, he had nothing. In a daze, it was like he had dreamed a daydream.

The call went on too long and disconnected. Gao Zhun couldn’t stop himself from biting his lip tight, his eyelids twitching with unwillingness. He put away his phone and looked at the glass shop door right before him. Just as he was about to go over, someone walked up to him. “Hey,” a clean cut boy, neat teeth, very good looking when he smiled. “Brother, alone?”

Gao Zhun could tell at a glance what he did for a living. That cheap kind of refinement and that patterned smile were always more or less the same. He waved his hand and gathered his courage to walk into the bar. The moment the door opened, there was a pleasant jasmine fragrance, sweet and mellow, which somewhat eased his awkwardness. Everyone in the shop looked over in unison. The atmosphere froze for an instant.

Once they saw him they couldn’t move their eyes away. Gao Zhun didn’t know what was happening, forcing himself to sit at the bar under the pressure. It wasn’t yet the time for customers to arrive. The bartender wasn’t there, only two barbacks wiping glasses. Gao Zhun lowered his head. “Chivas, on the rocks.”

There seemed to be some kind of switch here. Once he ordered a drink, the atmosphere changed. Someone got up from a table. Gao Zhun could sense they were coming toward him. Panic, curiosity, and fear of strange men, all these emotions rushed at him at once, almost drowning him… The shop door pushed open from outside. Gao Zhun was too nervous to notice, until a pair of John Lobbs stopped in front of him. The restless footsteps behind him also went silent, and only then did he look up.

“Hello, alone?” A gentle voice, a warm smile. It was a somewhat seasoned middle aged man, with a few silver threads at his temples, wearing high end glasses, a wide tie swelling at his chest. Something of a dandy gentleman. Gao Zhun wasn’t very comfortable, ignoring him, but he sat down right next to him. The barback asked for his order, and he pointed at Gao Zhun’s. “The same as him.”

Then came a stretch of awkward silence. That man didn’t seem afraid of this kind of torturous emptiness, drinking his wine leisurely. Perhaps because of the alcohol, or the nervousness of seeking pleasure for the first time, Gao Zhun’s face turned red, his two hands constantly rotating his glass.

“First time here?” the man asked.

Gao Zhun put down his glass, but still didn’t speak. He was just afraid, though he looked like he was being proud. Behind the bar they were playing The Dreamer’s “Elegance,” the ensemble of flute and small drum rendering the atmosphere ambiguous. The air went soft, even the throat burning liquor bubbling gently in his chest. Gao Zhun stole a glance at him out of the corner of his eye. Around forty something, decent looking, with a mature flavor.

“Want to go out for a walk?” The man smiled, seeming to have seen through his gaze. Saying this, he pulled a business card holder from inside his coat, drew one out and handed it to him. Snow white. Gao Zhun looked at it guardedly, only taking it after a long while. “You’re… a doctor?”

“Brain surgery.” He finished his drink, pressed both their tabs under the glasses, and stood up. Gao Zhun was surprised at the speed at which this “good feeling” was established. “I…” he seemed to be talking to himself. “Let me make a call first.”

The man went to get his car. Gao Zhun stood at the bar entrance, still that same number, still couldn’t get through. A horn sounded up ahead. It was a Jaguar XJ. He dialed once more, then got in disappointed.

In the car, Gao Zhun was distracted and restless. He wanted to see Fang Chi, wanted to so badly, so badly that every breath hurt. Sitting in another man’s car, he only then clearly knew that even if he was done that way again, he could never get back Fang Chi’s feeling. Coming back to himself for a moment, the man was looking at him, watching while driving. Not obvious, but never stopping.

“Ah, sorry,” again very perceptively picking up on his thoughts, the man smiled shyly, speaking quite frankly. “I just can’t believe you really got in my car,” he was excited. “In the bar just now my palms were sweating from nervousness.”

Gao Zhun stared at him blankly, somewhat afraid. The man said eagerly, “You don’t know, you’re very… beautiful, expensive, charming,” saying this, he stared at Gao Zhun with eyes shooting fire. “I won’t disappoint you.”

Gao Zhun imperceptibly shrank toward the car door. “Where are we going?”

“The Grand Hyatt? Shangri La? Hilton?” He waited for Gao Zhun to choose, but Gao Zhun didn’t speak. The car drove very fast. After a long while, Gao Zhun only carefully asked, “You really… are a doctor?”

This was their last conversation before entering the room. A couples suite, red roses in the vase, a brilliant nightscape beyond the floor to ceiling window. The man hugged him from behind. Gao Zhun shuddered, shrinking his shoulders to dodge away. “You… aren’t you going to shower?”

The man very gentlemanly let go, walking around to face him. “I’m afraid…” he wasn’t very rushed, looking like he wanted to touch but couldn’t bear to. “Afraid that the moment I step away, you’ll run off.”

He had hit the nail on the head. Gao Zhun did regret it. He lowered his eyes in awkward silence. The man took off his wool suit, revealing a broad chest. Drawing close, he wanted to undo Gao Zhun’s coat belt. Gao Zhun immediately pushed his hand away. It wasn’t quite running, but he lengthened his stride toward the door. The man quickly chased after him, getting there first to block him against the wall. “Don’t go, can’t you give me one chance?”

Gao Zhun looked at him fearfully, shaking his head slightly. The man didn’t touch him with either hand, very proper and polite. “You say how we do it and that’s how we do it. If you don’t like it, we stop anytime,” saying this, he drew his face close, the tip of his nose lightly touching Gao Zhun’s cheek. “You…” he seemed somewhat excited. “Is this your first time?”

Gao Zhun nodded, then immediately shook his head. The man laughed. “I promise, very careful, very careful,” he whispered, pulling Gao Zhun into his arms. “I’ll make you comfortable…”

Then they were sitting tightly pressed together at the edge of the bed. On the carpet were Gao Zhun’s suit and cashmere coat. The man slowly kissed his ear and cheek, his hands undoing his shirt buttons one by one. Gao Zhun closed his eyes, his whole body shaking. The kisses on his cheek rubbed and rubbed until they finally touched the corner of his mouth. He imagined it was Fang Chi, in that home with blue walls.

Suddenly, he was pressed down. The bed was like the sea, raising soft waves. A sweaty hand reached in through the open front of his shirt, rubbing his right chest without restraint. The kisses grew boiling hot, flames being lit one after another in his mouth. The shirt was peeled open, revealing one rounded shoulder. “Afraid?” the man asked.

Gao Zhun didn’t speak, motionless like a lifeless puppet. The man ripped open his belt, his whole palm reaching in, nimbly grabbing between his clenched legs, saying with hot breath. “You’re hard…”

Gao Zhun covered his face, moving his waist. The man immediately stripped off his pants, dragging him toward the center of the bed, impatiently pulling something out of his pants pocket. “I’m very healthy, can we not use one?”

Gao Zhun opened his eyes, seeing him holding a tube of lube and two or three condoms in his hand. These things made him both ashamed and panicked. The man quickly explained, “I normally always use them, but with you… I want flesh against flesh.”

With a pleading look, Gao Zhun foolishly nodded. Then the man took off his pants, revealing dense hair on his pubic bone, and a penis overly excited. Just one glance and Gao Zhun didn’t dare look anymore, subconsciously wanting to curl up his body. The man wouldn’t let him, clinging to him, twisting and touching all over him. Gao Zhun panted pitifully. “From… from behind…”

The man propped up his body, watching Gao Zhun turn over like a branch in the wind, a fish in the waves, so vividly alive and sensual. He simply couldn’t wait a moment longer, unscrewing the lube while licking from Gao Zhun’s neck to his waist along the sexy curve of his back. “I’m going to put some lube on you, might be a bit cool. Relax.”

Gao Zhun covered his ears. “Don’t… say it out loud.”

“Occupational disease,” the man laughed, squeezing out a large dollop of ointment onto his hand. “Stick your butt up a bit.”

Gao Zhun didn’t stick it up, so he grabbed his waist to make him stick it up. Then like a skilled proctologist, quickly and accurately smeared the thick ointment in his butt crack. It was using this mucus that he obscenely inserted one finger after another.

Gao Zhun knew same sex lovemaking used fingers, but in a muddled way, didn’t know it would be done this meticulously, this… shamelessly. His buttocks felt like they were constantly being electrocuted, making his whole body shiver. His lower body was completely spread open, obscene sounds coming from deep in his buttocks. He bit his teeth to stop himself from moaning, but the high and low hums still fatally leaked out.

“…Doc… Dr. Fang…” he couldn’t help calling out Fang Chi’s name. The man behind him thought he was calling him, impatiently pulling out his dripping wet fingers, gripping his lower body to press against Gao Zhun’s butt crack. The sudden pressure on his anus made Gao Zhun tense his nerves. Those terrible memories, the vivid pain, all came alive in an instant. He shook his hips violently like avoiding rape. “No… no!”

The man hadn’t expected his last minute retreat, anxiously pinching his waist, sweat streaming down in strings. “Don’t be afraid, it’s fine!” His sticky hand reached to the front, jerking him off in various ways. “One thrust and it’ll be in, I promise!”

“You’re lying to me!” Gao Zhun grabbed his hand that kept rubbing, crying out fragilely. “It’ll hurt, it’ll bleed!”

The more he struggled, the more excited the man got, forcefully pressing against Gao Zhun’s buttocks, pushing his limit enduring lower body toward the opening. Such a thick thing, almost with one slick motion, went in a section.

Gao Zhun had been waiting for tearing, waiting for pain, like a lamb awaiting slaughter, numbly welcoming the knife. But the result didn’t come. The man was still pushing in. The feeling of his intestines being forcibly stretched open was so vivid, there was swelling, there was strangeness, there was an indescribable slight pleasure, but there was no pain.

“Ah… ah?” Gao Zhun couldn’t believe it, his hand involuntarily reaching back, touching along his own buttocks until he felt the other man’s sweat drenched belly, and only then did he truly believe he was inside.

Being penetrated. Once this thought appeared in his mind, his body heated up. Every tendon, every joint went soft as mud. His waist trembled wildly. The man was also moaning loudly, not rushing to thrust, but slowly adjusting his position.

This adjustment, and Gao Zhun couldn’t take it. His ten fingers clawed randomly at the bedsheet. The man suddenly pressed down on him, pushing in deeper. Gao Zhun felt a contracting impulse in his buttocks, then cried out wantonly like he was moaning in bed.

“Your fingers… will break,” the man stretched his arm to grab his hand, fingers interlaced and holding tight. “Hold onto me.”

This wasn’t a premeditated deep thrust, he just wanted to reach his hand. Dazedly realizing this, Gao Zhun’s whole person melted. “How… how could it be like this…”

He was referring to the pleasure of anal sex. The man rocked his waist in small movements. “It’s like this, what else would it be?”

Too comfortable, so comfortable that he wanted to come every moment. His buttocks were completely aroused. Gao Zhun arched his back, wishing he were like that bastard who had forced him, more fierce, more ruthless.

“Face to face… okay?” the man asked at this point.

Gao Zhun shook his head helplessly. The other party was dawdling for a while, then asked again. “Face to face not okay?”

Gao Zhun wanted him to work harder, so he nodded. The man pulled out, the sticky anal opening making a “pop” sound. He flipped Gao Zhun over and inserted again. Gao Zhun spread his two legs and discovered that the anal sex people spoke of with such fear was actually this simple.

Spent. Gao Zhun glanced at his watch, it was already past midnight. The man was still holding his buttocks, licking up and down, licking until it hurt. Shrinking his buttocks, the man’s fingers were still inside, seeming to have never left. Gao Zhun shyly pressed his lips together. The man knew he was awake, rubbing up to look into his eyes. “Go wash up? I’ll teach you how to get it out.”

Gao Zhun followed him to the bathroom, hot water running. The man kissed him obsessively. “Squat down, legs open as wide as possible, and it’ll flow out. You try.”

Gao Zhun wouldn’t do it. The man didn’t say anything, grabbing his fingers to poke into his buttocks. “Or like this…”

Gao Zhun looked at him uneasily, still unwilling. The man pressed very close. “Will we… have a next time?”

Gao Zhun was surprised. He had always thought the initiative was in the other person’s hands. But the man who had just been tossing him on the bed was now looking at him humbly, like a down and out servant. He just wanted to try, saying softly. “No.”

The man immediately showed a sorrowful expression, caressing him even more tenderly and fondly. “Did I make you uncomfortable, you came so many times…”

Yes, they had lived like they were drunk and dreaming, changing so many positions, some Gao Zhun didn’t even dare recall. He lowered his head. “No…”

“Will you still go to that shop?” the man wouldn’t give up.

Gao Zhun shook his head again. Three rejections, yet the man didn’t show any anger, instead continuing to caress him with keen interest. This made Gao Zhun feel enjoyed. He very much enjoyed this feeling of being held in the palm of someone’s hand.

After showering, they dressed separately. The luxurious room, the cooled bed, the lewd smell after indulgence, none of it meant anything to them anymore. The man stood at the door, he didn’t even dare ask Gao Zhun’s name. “Can I…” he gathered his courage, making one last request. “Let me lick you once?”

Gao Zhun of course didn’t agree, tucking away his wallet and keys, about to open the door and leave. The man suddenly undid his belt and pulled down his zipper, pulling out a half erect ugly thing. Gao Zhun didn’t know what came over him, actually staring at it unblinkingly, then as if possessed, kneeling down.

He didn’t take him in his mouth, just licking as if there were something there. The man already couldn’t take it, leaning back against the wall, ripping open his just tied tie. “Keep my business card, when you’re lonely, call me…”