Between Us : Chapter 17: I Can’t Take It Anymore

By the time the bus reached the stop the rain had already stopped. Chen Qian got off first, wrapped in both the school uniform jacket and the rabbit fur coat, standing on the outer side of the door waiting for Xu Jue to get off.

The lights in Liuxiang were sparse. Chen Qian was used to walking at night and didn’t think much of it, but as they neared the third floor he deliberately slowed his steps and reached his hand back to the side.

“What’s wrong?” Xu Jue looked up from behind him.

Chen Qian said, “My hand’s cold.”

Xu Jue naturally reached out to hold it, but Chen Qian flipped his palm and didn’t hold hands, instead loosely clasping Xu Jue’s wrist.

The lie was exposed in that moment. The skin covering Xu Jue’s wrist wasn’t cold at all. In fact it was warmer than his own.

For a split second he wondered if he shouldn’t have bought those light bulbs, and whether the seller covered return shipping insurance. But then he thought of how Chen Qian had stumbled going up the stairs while drunk, and he tossed those concerns aside.

Once they passed that pitch black stretch of road, Chen Qian let go. He went up the stairs while fishing out his keys, and after opening the door and stepping into the entryway he habitually reached for the light switch on the wall.

With a click the room lit up instantly. Without thinking Xu Jue blurted out, “Pretty smart. The power comes back on as soon as the rain stops.”

It was warm inside. Chen Qian took off both outer layers. “I guessed wrong.”

He handed the school uniform jacket back to Xu Jue, and said as if it were nothing, “I really thought if the power went out you’d come scrambling out in a panic. Turns out you still remembered to flip the switch.”

Xu Jue had that hollow feeling of not being able to keep his story straight. He dodged the main point and said, “I am afraid of the dark, but I’m not that unreliable.”

The key thing was that he couldn’t sort out his own feelings either. The anxiety when he heard Chen Qian being intimate with someone else, the urgency to confirm Chen Qian was okay, the recklessness of dragging him away from the drinking table. He was trying his hardest to play a clean sheet of white paper in front of the other person, but the back was actually covered in tangled black lines. As for what he wanted to write, he was still searching for the answer himself.

“I’m going to rush my homework.” Xu Jue found an excuse to avoid the conversation. He stuck the dripping umbrella into the umbrella stand, and on his way tossed the inconvenient school uniform onto an empty hook on the coat rack.

By the time Chen Qian tried to stop him, that jacket that had draped over his shoulders was already hanging steadily on the coat rack. On the other end of the rack was Jiang Linsheng’s tie that he had left behind last time.

The other hooks were still completely bare. Ever since this expensive teak coat rack had been assembled, Chen Qian had been waiting for Jiang Linsheng to be the first person to use it, because all of Jiang Linsheng’s clothes were high-end custom pieces that couldn’t be ruined. Every time he entered the door he would ponder where to put his outer clothes.

Now reality had gone off track. Chen Qian looked at the school uniform that had forcefully occupied the coat rack but couldn’t say anything. The rack had been installed by the owner of the school uniform, and the uniform had warded off the cold for him on a rainy night. By all reason and emotion it was more fitting than that tie next to it that had bound his hands.

Over by the coffee table, Xu Jue couldn’t salvage his test paper that had been soaked and then rubbed apart, so he simply crumpled it into trash and threw it into the wastebasket, planning to get back to school early tomorrow and swipe another one from the office.

Chen Qian came in while undoing his belt, glancing over as he passed. “What are you throwing away, such a big wad?”

Xu Jue said, “Scratch paper.”

He looked up and saw Chen Qian gripping his belt, tightening and loosening it as he undid the buckle. The pulled-tight shirt highlighted the pinkness of the pearls, and after the fabric sprang back there was still a faint hint of a tiny curve.

Xu Jue pressed hard with his finger, scratching a nail mark into the English textbook. “Why haven’t you changed out of those clothes yet?”

Chen Qian wound the belt into a few loops and threw it on the sofa, undoing the button below his Adam’s apple. “What is it with you and this shirt? Outside you complained it wasn’t warm enough, and now you’re back you’re still managing whether I change or not.”

Xu Jue said, “The smell of alcohol is too strong. It’s affecting my homework.”

“Blame the alcohol smell all you want. You’re getting distracted on your own. If I studied English like you do, I’d never change my profile picture in my whole life.” Even as he said this, Chen Qian still took off the shirt. He was used to changing clothes in front of everyone in the lounge, and unlike women he wasn’t reserved about it. He never thought to avoid being seen.

It was only when he caught sight of Xu Jue hurriedly lowering his head to tackle his homework, yet his ear rims were dyed red, that Chen Qian found it amusing. He withdrew the hand that had reached for his sleep robe, and instead hooked his fingers into his waistband and pulled down.

The pant legs were loose, and with a swish they fell to the ground and piled at his feet, covering a pair of insteps surrounded by carpet fuzz.

Xu Jue was sitting on the carpet between the coffee table and the sofa, keeping his eyes in his peripheral vision. What he should see he saw completely. What he shouldn’t see also took full shape in his imagination through his mind’s eye.

It was all because art students dared to construct the whole from seeing one part. Xu Jue followed with his gaze the two feet that stepped out of the pants one after another. Above them was that light-colored small mole hidden behind the ankle bone. Suddenly a thin breeze brushed past the back of his neck. He couldn’t take it anymore. “What are you blowing…”

He turned around to see Chen Qian wearing his sleep robe properly, even the waist ties tied securely. It was probably just the wind from the hem of the robe just now.

“I’m not blowing anything,” Chen Qian also sat down, his fingertip poking at the completely disorganized notes in the English textbook. “It’s really hard to learn well like this.”

When it came to English, Xu Jue had poor language sense, low interest, and an unreliable study method. So Chen Qian took two thick hardcover notebooks to teach him how to organize his notes. One started from the front, with the paper folded so the left side wrote phrases and the right side wrote the Chinese meanings. Flipping from the back, it was for recording key classroom points.

The other was for accumulating commonly used sentence patterns for essays. Chen Qian’s handwriting wasn’t as bold and beautiful as Xu Jue’s, so after writing a few lines he put down the pen. He read aloud, Xu Jue wrote, and before they knew it their arms were pressed tightly together, each having rubbed a patch of skin warm.

“That day you told the class teacher you were going to supervise my English learning. I thought you were just saying it.” Xu Jue flipped through the notebook packed with useful content, feeling his confidence in changing his profile picture rise by several degrees.

Chen Qian was still flipping through other study materials. After so many years, many textbooks had been revised, but the actual content was more or less the same. He still remembered what notes he had written on which page, and on which page he had doodled little figures when his mind wandered in class. “I just didn’t want my shirt to take the blame for distracting you from studying.”

Xu Jue remembered when he first came to Liuxiang, Aunt Qiu said there was a young guy in the alley who was good at English. It seemed she hadn’t been lying. “You must have been really popular in your class back then.”

Chen Qian’s expression froze. As if waking from a big dream he put down the textbook, turned around and fished out the tips he had earned tonight from his pants pocket, counting them one by one. “What makes you say that?”

“Because everyone would copy homework from you.” Xu Jue said in a joking tone. “To be honest…”

He abruptly cut off the assumption he was about to voice. To be honest, if Chen Qian were his English teacher, he would definitely learn better than he did now.

But why would someone with such strong learning ability willingly humble himself to work as a wine seller in a small bar?

Forget about how low the chances were of selling wine to foreigners, just the thought of Chen Qian hanging a fawning smile and calling out “boss” one after another in a sickly sweet way while pouring wine for others, the expression in his eyes was completely different from when he dealt with textbooks.

The Chen Qian who explained knowledge points to him was confident and relaxed, his posture free and easy when circling key points. But putting down the textbook, the Chen Qian who skillfully counted money seemed to have coated himself in a layer of worldly shrewdness.

There was a business card sandwiched in the middle of the cash. Chen Qian pulled it out and threw it into a drawer, mixing it with the other hundred or so cards of various designs.

“I’m going to sleep first. Don’t study too late.” Chen Qian pushed off the ground to stand up. When he left his calf bumped against Xu Jue’s knee, but this time Xu Jue didn’t let his mind wander again.

The next day Xu Jue got up early. After dropping his bag in the classroom he went to the office to swipe a test paper, then sat properly at his desk and carefully did the cloze and grammar sections following Chen Qian’s method.

But his ability was truly limited. When the morning reading bell rang Xu Jue simply couldn’t do anymore. He tore off a sticky note and slapped it on the desk, writing “Starting tonight, failing to complete English homework independently will deduct one opportunity to buy CQ breakfast,” then covered it with his scratch paper.

Bai Suzhen ran a tight ship. All English homework had to be collected before morning reading ended. Xu Jue laid his test paper openly on the desk and reached out to tap Wei Xiaoduo’s chair back. “Lamei, give me your English paper.”

Qiu Yuanfei had just returned, and before sitting down he kicked Xu Jue’s chair leg. “Copying every day, copying every day. Is this the self-awareness of a future Tsinghua student?”

Xu Jue took the paper passed from the person in front of him. “After copying this one I’ll officially become a Tsinghua reserve. Stop nagging me.”

“You insist on having Wei Xiaoduo spoil you?” Qiu Yuanfei received a glare from the girl, and hurriedly passed over the paper bag pinched between his fingers. “Apple pie, want it or not?”

Qiu Yuanfei was a day student. Every day the breakfast he brought back was more abundant than the school cafeteria’s. Xu Jue held out his palm to him. “Where’s mine?”

Qiu Yuanfei pulled out his chair and sat down. “What’s it got to do with you?”

“Who said they’d bring me breakfast this week?” Xu Jue put down his pen, planning to argue. “What did you say last Friday, that I should match myself, that you’d bring Wei…”

“I need David the tutor to help me check my homework,” Qiu Yuanfei hurriedly threw another paper bag by Xu Jue’s hand. “Ham roll. Tomorrow I’ll bring you an egg roll, the day after a Mexican roll. Please put in more effort in English like you do in other subjects. Stop fucking copying.”

Xu Jue smiled. “You don’t need to tell me that.”

The second period was English class. Bai Suzhen was in a fierce mood today. As soon as she came in she called out the people who owed homework and scolded them for half the class. Everyone else sat below as quiet as cicadas in cold weather.

Xu Jue thought he had escaped, but unexpectedly Bai Suzhen stopped in the middle of her scolding. In a hoarse voice she told the class representative to go to the office and get the little bee.

He was concentrating on memorizing vocabulary when Xu Jue got stuck. He turned his head and asked Qiu Yuanfei, “What little bee?”

“Voice amplifier!” Qiu Yuanfei said in a whisper. “White Lady has lost her voice!”

Xu Jue only then remembered this matter. Immediately he lost all interest in memorizing words. He took out his phone and searched for little bee, then searched for regular hookup. The more he learned, the more his heart sank.

“Xu Jue, you stand up for me!” Bai Suzhen’s slightly hoarse voice came through the voice amplifier, mixed with a buzzing electric current that sounded very sharp. “The wall is reflecting light. Don’t think I don’t know you’re hiding below playing with your phone! Come to my office after class!”

Being scolded in front of the whole class, he should have felt ashamed, should have felt angry. But Xu Jue showed no expression at all. He stood up calmly and placed his backup phone on the desk corner for Bai Suzhen to come collect.

Qiu Yuanfei pushed a small slip of paper to him, silently passing information: Bear with it. I heard White Lady’s husband cheated on her. She’s taking it out on people.

The phone screen in his pocket hadn’t gone dark. It was still on the search page.

Now there was one more word occupying his vision: “cheating.” Xu Jue thought, if Chen Qian found out that Jiang guy was cheating on him, would he break down?

Translation Notes:

“Little bee” (小蜜蜂): A slang term for a portable voice amplifier/mini microphone that teachers wear around their neck or clip to their clothes. It’s called this because the device is small, yellow and black, and “buzzes” like a bee. Here it serves as a pun because Xu Jue has just learned this same term is also slang for bar host/companion.

“White Lady” (白娘子): A nickname for Teacher Bai (Bai Suzhen), referencing the famous white snake spirit from Chinese folklore. Used here as a playful/teasing nickname among students.