Between Us : Chapter 4: Willing or Not

Chen Qian didn’t have the habit of taking afternoon naps. At his age, eighty percent of people only truly had their own private leisure time after ten at night, but Chen Qian’s private leisure time was the stretch from after lunch to sunset.

When the sun was good, he would sit on the balcony’s beanbag chair and finish a paperback book. On rainy days, he would curl up in the living room with his laptop and watch a movie. More often, Chen Qian liked to grab his DSLR camera and wander outside aimlessly, snapping photos wherever he went. When he got home, he would pick out a few favorites, add captions, and post them on his private webpage with restricted access. The rest he would toss into a newly created folder named with that day’s date.

Today Chen Qian had no plans to read or watch a movie, nor did he feel like wandering outside. In two weeks he would be going to Paris with Jiang Linsheng, and he couldn’t wait to drag out his suitcase and start figuring out which clothes to bring.

It was winter in Paris too, so packing now was actually a bit early. Chen Qian picked out two items, then reached for his phone, curled up on the bed with his legs tucked, and started reading perfume reviews.

He had just found a fragrance he liked when an incoming call took over his screen. Chen Qian answered, and the person on the other end called out: “Shixiong.” “Abusing the term again,” Chen Qian said. “What’s up?”

Yu Huo’s voice was always soft and small: “Do you have time to come out right now?”

“I can have time, or I can not have time.” Chen Qian tapped his lower lip absently with his fingertip, his enunciation not very clear.

Yu Huo asked: “Shixiong, what’s wrong with your voice?”

Chen Qian got out of bed and walked to the wardrobe he hadn’t closed yet, rummaging through it: “Nothing much, got a lip piercing, talking is a bit of a hassle.”

The other end went silent for a few seconds. Yu Huo said quietly: “Can I see it?”

Yu Huo always had many ways to make Chen Qian unable to refuse to see him.

Today was a few degrees warmer than yesterday. Chen Qian only threw on a fleece-lined jacket, stuffed his phone and keys in his pockets, and went out. Yu Huo lived close by, so he walked over directly.

Also in the old downtown area, Yu Huo’s place was much more presentable than the old workers’ dormitory Chen Qian rented. It was nestled in a recently renovated commercial district, bustling during the day and gradually quieting down at night.

That two-story building was actually a shop space. The ground floor served as a studio, while the upstairs had been converted by Yu Huo into a simple living space, achieving a work-live setup. When Chen Qian arrived, he happened to brush past a man rushing down the steps. The man wore a smoke-gray overcoat, had aviator sunglasses on his face, was chatting on the phone, and slipped into a low-key Volkswagen.

Chen Qian stopped the wooden sign on the glass door from swinging back and forth, flipping it from the side that read “Little Fish Studio” to the side that only showed “Closed.”

“Did the big celebrity spend the night here?” Chen Qian poured himself a glass of water as soon as he entered, sat down next to Yu Huo on the sofa, and squeezed his right hand into the layer of the hot water bottle Yu Huo was hugging.

“He’s so annoying.” Yu Huo stuffed the entire hot water bottle into Chen Qian’s arms, then turned his head and saw the lip piercing. “It looks really good. Did it hurt a lot?”

“Not that exaggerated. If it really hurt so much I couldn’t stand it, I’d just take it out and let it heal back, I wouldn’t make myself suffer.” Chen Qian said, “Once it’s healed, you’ll take photos for me, I can never get good shots of myself.”

“Who are you kidding.” Yu Huo took the tablet and started browsing through images. “Shixiong, help me look at this.”

On the tablet was a handsome face. Playing piano with eyes lowered, holding a microphone and singing with eyes closed, standing on an awards stage gazing intently at the trophy in hand.

But no matter the styling, this young man had white eyebrows and white hair, his pupils so light they were almost lifeless, and his face carried no smile at all, as if he were merely a flawless sculpture that had come to life.

Chen Qian recognized him. He was Ruan Yu, a singer-songwriter who had exploded in popularity over the past two years. And the search term most linked to his name online was three other words: albinism.

“Want to go to his concert?” Chen Qian handed the tablet back to Yu Huo. “Or looking for photography inspiration from his live performances?”

Ruan Yu’s work, from lyrics and composition to concert themes and stage design ideas, was wildly bold and alternative. Countless people despised him, and countless people admired him. He had explained in an interview that he was an abnormal person, so he just lived abnormally like that. If anyone could understand, then he welcomed them to find a home for the abnormality they couldn’t vent in normal life, right here with him.

“I want to photograph him.” Yu Huo said.

Chen Qian wasn’t surprised. He shifted into a more comfortable position leaning against the sofa armrest, propped his chin in his hand, and smiled at him: “Didn’t you say you don’t photograph people?”

“Studying this major, some things are unavoidable.” Yu Huo tapped open the class group chat messages and showed Chen Qian. “The professor gave us an assignment to photograph people, with the theme ‘The Boundary Between Life and Death.'”

Chen Qian only glanced at the screen: “Your professor is making things hard for you, and you’re pretty good at making things hard for yourself too.”

“No.” Yu Huo put down the tablet. “Ruan Yu came by yesterday. I don’t know how he found his way here. My little studio has never done any advertising, the storefront isn’t much to look at, and the address is out of the way.”

“‘I happened to pass by and felt like your studio’s name has quite a connection with my name.’ That’s what he said to me at the time. ‘Would you be willing to take a set of photos for me?'”

Yu Huo had gone stiff, not daring to let his eyes wander toward the other person, rubbing his lens with a cloth to distract himself: “I don’t photograph people.”

“Do you think I look scary?” Ruan Yu asked with a smile.

Yu Huo immediately looked up at him, but quickly averted his eyes again: “You’re very beautiful, it’s just that I don’t know how to interact with people.”

“The theme for his next concert is set as ‘The Habit of Clinging to Life,’ which is very similar to my assignment theme. He said he doesn’t mind being the subject for my assignment, and all usage rights for the work would belong entirely to me.” Yu Huo grabbed the corner of Chen Qian’s clothes, his fingertips lightly scratching the soft fleece on the inside. “I agreed to it. The professor said the student with the highest score on this assignment can participate in next year’s HALO Photography Exhibition, I couldn’t find a reason to refuse.”

Yu Huo, who had social anxiety, only talked freely in front of Chen Qian. Chen Qian flicked the back of his hand lightly: “Then photograph him well. It’s a rare opportunity, no one goes against their own interests.”

His hands warmed up, and Chen Qian set down the hot water bottle and wandered over to the fridge: “Are there any of those jelly drinks left from last time?”

“Only lychee flavor left, two pouches.” Yu Huo followed him over. “Shixiong…”

“Don’t you have classes all afternoon,” Chen Qian touched the fridge door but didn’t open it, staring at the class schedule stuck on it, “did you ask for leave or are you skipping class?”

“Asking for leave is a hassle, I hired someone to call roll and record the lecture for me.”

“Where did you hire them from, so convenient.”

“A local group chat,” Yu Huo ran back to grab the tablet and showed Chen Qian, scrolling through it, “it’s kind of like temporary part-time work, you can post any request there. As long as the money is right, someone will be happy to help. Or you can earn some side income too, I’ve helped people with translation drafts, polished up papers for them—”

“Can you hire a hitman?” Chen Qian opened the fridge, found the remaining two pouches of jelly drink, and handed one to Yu Huo.

“Hire… what?” Yu Huo’s eyes went round.

“Hire a brother, brother as in older brother, meaning can I hire a good big brother to pick me up and drop me off every day?” Chen Qian laughed, “Little Fish, you’re so much fun, Fang Jianhai must be over the moon, right?”

“Why bring him up again!” Whether Fang Jianhai was over the moon or not was unclear, but Yu Huo was definitely annoyed. It was because Fang Jianhai had snuck into his shop late last night that he had skipped all of today’s classes, “I added you to the group, when you have time earn some proper side income, don’t hire any brothers, Mr. Jiang won’t be happy.” “Then I’ll hire a younger brother, one as obedient as you.” Chen Qian laughed while biting the jelly drink’s straw, and when he saw Yu Huo scratching at the edge of the tablet with his head lowered and not speaking, he leaned in and blew at the other person’s bangs, “Complimenting you on being obedient and you’re not happy about it?”

“No.” Yu Huo went small-voiced again. “Shixiong, when I go photograph Ruan Yu, can you come with me?”

This time it was Chen Qian’s turn to go silent.

He knew very well that Yu Huo had called him over today because he needed something, and he had also seen Yu Huo’s hesitation from the moment he walked in.

He had agreed to come without a second thought because Yu Huo was independent and rarely asked for help, but Chen Qian hadn’t expected that this favor would fall outside his willingness.

“It’s my first time photographing someone completely unfamiliar to me. I’m afraid there will be communication barriers during the shoot, and I’m also afraid I’ll chicken out at the last minute.” Yu Huo’s expression was very earnest. “Shixiong, just accompany me this once, in the future I’ll learn to overcome it.”

Chen Qian leaned back against the fridge, looking down at the floor without making a sound, until he had finished the entire pouch of jelly drink before asking: “When is the shoot?”

“Should be late December, once the contract is finalized we’ll set the exact date.” Yu Huo was very happy. “Shixiong, are you agreeing?”

“Could I not agree, with that look in your eyes like a kitten begging for food.” Chen Qian strolled over to the storage cabinet and pointed at the glass cabinet: “Is this new mirrorless camera you bought any good?”

All the equipment in this cabinet was Yu Huo’s treasure, but not every new addition immediately got Yu Huo’s favor: “I haven’t had a chance to use it yet, want to take it and test it out for me?”

“Perfect, I’m going to Paris in two weeks, so I’ll borrow it for a few days then.” Chen Qian got his benefit, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Yu Huo let out a breath of relief.

They were both the same, most uncomfortable with letting people help them for nothing, always needing the other person to gain something back from them to feel at ease.

He stayed at Yu Huo’s place until evening, freeloaded a meal, and left. The moment he pushed the door open, Chen Qian deeply felt the huge temperature difference between day and night. Dismissing the idea of walking home, Chen Qian flagged down a bus and sat in the back row, pulling out his phone to ask his supervisor for a few days off.

Zhao Chuan always spoke to him with a passive-aggressive tone: “It’s not like you were born with a silver spoon in your mouth, how did you end up with such a delicate, spoiled illness. One day when all your regular customers run off to Yuan Shuang, don’t you go making trouble for her behind the scenes.”

“No such idle thoughts.” Chen Qian said.

“Tsk, daring to talk back to your superior now, I say you should either pack up and get lost, save yourself from looking for anger here, don’t you think?”

“Who’s the one angry right now.” Chen Qian’s voice was still that gentle, warm tone, but his face was cold, “Whether I get lost or not isn’t up to you, you have to ask Zhao Pinggao if he agrees.”

The one who was actually looking for anger hung up on him in resentment. Chen Qian tilted his head, pressing his temple against the window glass, letting the small patch of coolness soothe the irritation that had steamed up to his face.

The bus drove slowly. It was only a few stops and hadn’t even covered half the distance. There were few passengers in the carriage: an old man listening to opera on a portable radio, a girl buried in knitting a scarf, and an art student gripping a pencil and practicing sketching, but no one urged the driver to hurry.

Chen Qian didn’t usually take the bus, let alone night buses. This kind of scene was something he rarely got to appreciate as peaceful and vivid, so he raised his phone and took a few photos.

Looking through them, Chen Qian felt like everyone around him was so full of life, while he alone was a half-dead machine day in and day out. The contrast was so stark it annoyed him, so he deleted the photos to spare himself the sight.

His phone vibrated twice. A message from the [Willing or Not] group chat he hadn’t muted yet popped up, catching his eye: Seeking a man near Yi’an Plaza to bring toilet paper to the third-floor men’s restroom, reward fifty, contact me if interested, hurry!

Chen Qian found it amusing and scrolled up through the chat.

“Brother is 180, going crazy drunk at the south gate of Wandeng Li, urgently need a burly man to help carry him into the car, heavy reward of a gym annual membership card, thanks!”

Below that, a girl with a pretty profile picture asked: “Height 180?”

“Weight 180!”

And so this willing or not request sank without a trace.

Further up.

“Slowly seeking a fated person to spend Christmas with me, male or female okay, need to be witty, generous, and of good character, I’ll cover all holiday expenses.”

“Profile picture is me, satisfied or not?”

Chen Qian was thoroughly amused. Suddenly he heard the bus announce “Lixian Middle School,” and he snapped back to reality, pressing the bell just as the driver was about to drive past the stop, grabbing the handrail and getting up to get off.

Taking the bus for once and he had gone in the wrong direction. Chen Qian stood at the bus stop sign with his hands in his pockets, his bangs blown messy by the passing wind, a bit cold.

He went to the bus stop across the street to wait for the bus again. Passing the gate of Lixian Middle School, he looked up. In the distance, lights shone from the teaching building one window at a time, brightest against the night sky.

His phone vibrated against his pocket. Chen Qian pulled it out and unlocked it. Another member of [Willing or Not] had posted a new message: “Urgently seeking an adult to attend a parent-teacher meeting this Friday, location Lix…”

He had only read the beginning when Chen Qian’s elbow was bumped by someone. A boy in a school uniform ran past him, turned back to apologize after realizing he had bumped into someone, then shouted toward behind Chen Qian: “Hurry hurry hurry, they said the headmaster is doing rounds on the third floor!”

“Coming coming…” Another boy caught up, gasping, holding his glasses that had slid down to his nose as he whipped past Chen Qian in a gust of wind, “I told you not to skip evening self-study…”

The two crouched down to dodge the guard room and ran into the campus. Before long they were out of sight. Chen Qian thought they had probably run into those squares of light.

The group message still hadn’t finished displaying. Chen Qian walked while continuing to read.

“…location Lixian Middle School, payment is a meal of grilled skewers, details add as friend for private chat.”

Perhaps the exchange wasn’t attractive enough, no one responded to this message for several minutes after it was sent. The person sent another line: “Can be converted to fifty cash.”

The bus stopped in front of Chen Qian with a couple of honks. He got on, swiped his card, and sat by the window, looking again at that teaching building gradually moving away from him.

That message still hung at the very end of the group chat interface. Chen Qian had no time to think about whether he was acting on impulse. He tapped into the person’s profile to add them as a friend, with the additional message: I’ll help you, no charge needed.