Deep in the Act: Chapter 16

Saturday, as agreed, Fang Chi was still waiting outside the complex, smoking a cigarette. At exactly nine o’clock, Zuo Linlin came out alone, dressed to the nines, stepping with light and graceful gait.

“Where’s Gao Zhun?” He looked behind her.

“He’s not feeling well,” she smiled brilliantly, walking past him to pull the car door open. “Let’s go.”

“What’s wrong with him?” He grabbed her arm, his grip strong.

“Why do you care about him,” even her anger was beautiful, aggressively beautiful. “Isn’t it me you care about?”

Fang Chi looked agitated. “You already have a boyfriend!”

“We can break up,” her tone was flippant. “I don’t want to spend my whole life with a psycho.”

Fang Chi was angered by her word choice. “I told you, he’s not sick, he just…”

“Do you want me or not,” she took a step toward him, almost pressing into his embrace. “If you don’t, plenty of others do!”

“We have to go back,” Fang Chi let out a sigh. “We can’t leave him alone at home.”

Zuo Linlin immediately put on a fragile expression. “Charles, you know my feelings for you.” She pressed her forehead against his chest, her hair giving off a faint citrus scent. “I’m going on a European tour, leaving tomorrow, will be gone a month. I just want to spend one good day with you.”

What man could refuse such soft words? Fang Chi didn’t speak. She continued playing the emotional card. “I’m getting old. Can’t dance for many more years. I just want to find a good home.” She leaned her whole self toward him. “Is that wrong?”

Fang Chi almost hugged her, but suddenly Gao Zhun’s body flashed through his mind, held tightly in his arms, murmuring desperately by his ear. “Save me…”

Fang Chi pushed her away, very firm. “We have to go back.”

Gao Zhun’s home was like the man himself, very tasteful. Upon entering, one saw a set of Giuseppe Arcimboldo’s “The Four Seasons” hanging on the living room wall. Zuo Linlin pointed at it dismissively, saying it was Gao Zhun’s copy. She was used to seeing art. But it was Fang Chi’s first time witnessing such talent. So magnificent, so vivid, it made him unable to look away.

Indeed, as Gao Zhun had said, he and Zuo Linlin slept in separate rooms. His room only had a small bed. Right now he was curled up on it, huddled in a thin blanket. Zuo Linlin led Fang Chi into the room and went out, seeming to begrudge giving Gao Zhun any care. Fang Chi saw a three legged wooden chair by the low window, picked it up, and sat down by the bed.

“Mr. Gao,” he greeted him, saw the blanket move, and gently placed his hand on it. He could feel the person underneath trembling. “Won’t you let me see you?”

Slowly, half a face peeked out from the foot of the bed. Hair messy, eyes red like a rabbit’s. “Dr. Fang…” He was deeply ashamed, unwilling to show anything below his nose. “I’m sorry…”

Fang Chi didn’t know why he was apologizing. This was typical self blame behavior. “Did something happen?”

“Justin…” He said that name again. Fang Chi listened quietly. He said, “Because of the business trip matter, yesterday he came to my office and smashed everything that could be smashed…”

“Were you hurt?” When he asked this question, Fang Chi suddenly remembered his first year university textbook, which wrote: the questioner’s first question is often what they care about most deep down. Gao Zhun shook his head, seeming to relax a little, and stretched out his ice cold right hand from the blanket, along with half a tulip colored silk pajama sleeve. He wanted Fang Chi to hold it, so Fang Chi held it. “What happened during the business trip?”

“On the business trip I didn’t take him, took someone else, and he just…” Gao Zhun’s lips trembled, looking very aggrieved. “He actually said I…”

Fang Chi waited for him, but he bit his lip and swallowed the rest of the sentence back. Fang Chi knew forcing him was useless. “It’s quite cool outside. Want to go for a walk?” Seeing Gao Zhun’s eyes dodge, he said, “Keep me company?”

Gao Zhun chose between himself and Fang Chi. There was almost no suspense. He chose Fang Chi. The blanket loosened, revealing a half open collar and the honey colored skin beneath, with a small light pink bruise on it. Fang Chi frowned. “He hit you?”

“No,” Gao Zhun stared at his outstretched hand, nervously grabbing his collar. “It was an art catalog that hit me. The catalog was very thick.”

For a while, neither of them spoke, until Zuo Linlin came in carrying a glass of water, looking at Fang Chi in surprise. “That chair is a nineteenth century antique. Normally I don’t even let people sit on it!”

Fang Chi hurriedly stood up, took the water she handed him, and looked at Gao Zhun apologetically. “Why didn’t you say.”

It was like the complaint between close friends. Zuo Linlin was surprised their relationship had actually become this good. What surprised her even more was Gao Zhun’s answer. “Do you like it? I’ll give it to you.”

Seventy thousand dollars. Normally she wouldn’t even let people touch it. Now he said give it away and it’s given away. She really didn’t know whose jealousy she should feel. Fang Chi laughed heartily. “I don’t understand art. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t even sit on this kind of chair.”

These words were a bit ambiguous. Only after saying them did Fang Chi notice. All three of them were a bit awkward. Gao Zhun’s face reddened, and he said dryly, “I’ll change my clothes…”

He meant to ask Fang Chi to go out. Fang Chi didn’t react, still standing there stupidly drinking water. Zuo Linlin pulled him. “Come help me.”

Fang Chi followed her out of the room. She closed the door tight behind her, then threw herself into his embrace, thrusting out her chest and arching her hips, twisting out a delicate and exquisite curve. Fang Chi’s head buzzed. To maintain distance, the back of his head hit the wall. “Linlin, are you crazy, Gao Zhun is right in the room…”

She sealed his mouth with her lip gloss covered lips. Peach flavored, sticky and filling his mouth. Fang Chi’s body burned hot, responding to her fiercely as if he’d lost consciousness. Probably the thrill of a secret affair. It was as if a huge crystal chandelier was exploding in his brain, thousands of fragments floating down, scattering, sparkling.

He was devouring Gao Zhun’s woman. Realizing this, he felt no guilt whatsoever. Instead he was unusually excited, kneading Zuo Linlin’s shoulders, squeezing her into his embrace. Zuo Linlin was overwhelmed by favor. She had never seen Fang Chi like this. It was as if his feelings for her over three years hadn’t diminished one bit, but had grown stronger. She moaned. “Charles!”

Hearing her voice, Fang Chi immediately sobered up, pushed her away, and glared at her somewhat hatefully, while continuously wiping his mouth with his sleeve. The door handle turned. It was Gao Zhun coming out. Fang Chi quickly ran his hand through his hair and walked over. The wooden door opened before him. The person stood there, again that delicate and refined appearance. Seeing him, he smiled faintly.

Fang Chi felt his heart thumping. He interpreted this as a guilty conscience. “Does your chest hurt?” He threw out a random question to divert Gao Zhun’s attention. But Gao Zhun seemed not to understand, staring at him blankly. Fang Chi felt puzzled. “Didn’t an art catalog hit you here,” his finger lightly brushed against Gao Zhun’s thin shirt. “Here.”

“Ah, it’s fine,” Gao Zhun lowered his head. “I’ll tidy up a bit. Wait for me.”

He said tidy up a bit, but it turned out to be a major project. Fang Chi leaned against the bathroom doorway, watching dumbstruck as he rubbed all kinds of creams onto his neck and face, reminding him of the old days waiting for Zuo Linlin to go out. “Is that makeup?”

“Collagen, moisturizing water, things like that…” Gao Zhun said somewhat embarrassedly, quietly explaining. “Probably because I entered this industry, influenced by people.”

Fang Chi found it amusing, so he teased him. “Will your skin get very smooth?”

Gao Zhun grew even more embarrassed, holding a bottle of some men’s essence, hesitating whether to open it or not. At this moment, Zuo Linlin said from the living room side, “He’s smooth, smoother than me even!”

Gao Zhun’s face turned completely red. He put down the essence water, randomly picked up a perfume and sprayed it on his armpits and behind his ears, then started rummaging through a small wooden box by the sink. Inside the box were neatly arranged earrings, bracelets, and rings. Fang Chi stared at his fingers fiddling with those things, and suddenly had a strange feeling, his heart soft and itchy. “You…”

“Hmm?” Gao Zhun looked over at him while putting on an earring, his eyes moist, his cheeks and shoulders twisting into a beautiful angle. Fang Chi watched the hard metal earring pierce into the tender flesh of the earlobe. “Nothing…” He swallowed, somewhat unable to understand himself. What was this deadly nervousness about?

Gao Zhun walked out of the bathroom, passing by him. In the brief moment their shoulders brushed, he stopped, turned back and leaned in close. Fang Chi unconsciously stepped back. He followed one step forward, as if about to kiss, standing on tiptoe to sniff at his temple. Fang Chi’s whole body felt like electricity was running through it. He stared at him in disbelief. Gao Zhun also stared at him, but those eyes were empty, containing nothing.

“Are we going or not!” Zuo Linlin stood with her arms crossed, complaining at the door. Fang Chi was muddled, and replied to her offhandedly, “Did you go to the bathroom?”

“Oh,” she dropped her purse and headed toward the bathroom. “Almost forgot!”

She had the habit of going to the bathroom before going out. Fang Chi knew this all too well. But the moment the words left his mouth, he regretted it. He immediately looked at Gao Zhun’s expression, and saw him heads down, seeming not to have noticed their conversation.

All day Zuo Linlin was the main character. Gao Zhun and Fang Chi accompanied her shopping for clothes everywhere. Fang Chi wouldn’t let Gao Zhun carry the shopping bags, treating him like a woman who needed care. Gao Zhun’s spirits were always low. Fang Chi thought it was because of the unpleasantness at the office, and didn’t pay it much mind. As evening approached, the three of them slowly strolled along the riverside.

“Haven’t been this happy in so long!” Zuo Linlin walked very close to Fang Chi, sticking to him like a pair of lovers.

Fang Chi didn’t speak. She glanced at him and continued, “You pity him?”

She was referring to Gao Zhun. Fang Chi immediately looked back. He was following a few steps behind them. She smiled. “He can’t hear.”

Passersby on the road kept sizing her up with sidelong glances. This made her feel good. “He’s a selfish person. Do you think he loves me? He doesn’t. I’m just his collection, the same as those chairs and oil paintings.” She flicked back her long hair, with the air of someone who had been through it all. “He depends on you only because he needs you. The only one he loves is himself.”

“So what?” Fang Chi asked.

“Don’t pity him,” she winked at him. “Pity me.”

The moment the words fell, a bang sounded overhead. A cluster of pink fireworks exploded at the zenith of the sky, brilliant for a moment, then dimming, replaced by a new cluster. People by the riverside all stopped to watch. Groups of young people shouted loudly, “Happy Qixi!”

The river water reflected the continuous fireworks. Sea and sky were the same riot of colors. Zuo Linlin was surprised and delighted, instinctively leaning into Fang Chi’s embrace. But he left her behind and went toward Gao Zhun’s side.

Gao Zhun was already quite far from them, standing alone in a small plaza by the woods. No lights, only the scattered yellow glow cast by the office building behind him. Fang Chi passed through pairs of embracing couples, his steps urgent. He was afraid he was scared. The more afraid, the more he felt he couldn’t see his figure clearly. Fireworks were still exploding overhead, like a giant heartbeat, resonating with his throbbing chest.

Gao Zhun seemed to see him, trembling in the shadows behind the bright light. Fang Chi knew he was waiting for him, like a soul waiting for its master. He even broke into a jog, running up to him, slightly out of breath, saying, “Come on, let’s go watch the fireworks.”

Gao Zhun didn’t move. “You and Linlin aren’t just ordinary friends.”

It was abrupt, the stiff voice like a frozen lake, as if an ice pick would break it into pieces. Fang Chi remembered his unusual closeness, the breath he took near his temple, and the way he silently adjusted his sleeves he recognized her scent, the sweet fragrance of citrus and peach, and he guessed their past intimacy.

“Was it because of her, that you…” Gao Zhun adjusted his breathing once. “Are so good to me?”

Fang Chi felt at a loss. He studied psychoanalysis. He could switch concepts, understood behavioral logic, knew how to guide thinking. But he couldn’t give a perfect answer. At this moment he wasn’t a psychologist, just an ordinary man, asking in puzzlement, “She treats you like this… why don’t you break up?”

“If I break up with her,” although Gao Zhun’s expression couldn’t be seen clearly, his collapsing voice completely revealed his inner heart. “Will you stop paying attention to me?”

“Charles!”

Zuo Linlin shouted from the riverside. Fang Chi waved at her, and said to Gao Zhun, “You two should talk.”

He was going to bring her over. Halfway there, like Orpheus in hell who couldn’t endure the torment of longing, he recklessly turned his head, and saw Gao Zhun’s back view. A desperate, lifeless, gradually receding back view.

“Gao Zhun!” he shouted. This was professional experience. But what drove him to run over wasn’t any damn experience, but an impulse, a brief madness caused by excessive adrenaline secretion. Gao Zhun answered his call, turned his head, and suddenly, the small plaza was brightly lit. Simultaneously, tall columns of water sprayed up from the ground, one row after another, rustling, surrounding Gao Zhun in the middle.

This was a ground fountain. In the water light was such a shattered face, soaked by tears, filled with humiliation. Fang Chi stared blankly. This was the most beautiful moment he had seen in his life, beautiful enough to make his heart clench.

Gao Zhun opened his mouth, like a sinner awaiting judgment, yet unusually calm. “I was raped…”

For a moment, Fang Chi completely didn’t understand the meaning of those words. Gao Zhun hugged his own shoulders in the water curtain. “By a man.”

The world went empty, as if God had pressed the pause button. Not a single sound.