Deep in the Act: Chapter 42

The rain was heavy, lashing against the window glass. Fang Chi twisted his body, struggling to unbuckle his seatbelt. Gao Zhun was pressed against the seat by him, humming “mmm mmm” nonstop. Outside the window was pitch black ink. Thunder chased after lightning, and suddenly a bolt of white light split down. Gao Zhun’s mouth opened wide completely, so Fang Chi could lick back and forth. Saliva dripped down his chin, and his ears were full of the sounds of sucking and biting lips.

Sucking on Gao Zhun’s upper lip and grinding it repeatedly for a while, Fang Chi let him go breathing heavily. He straightened his crooked glasses and propped himself up awkwardly, seeming rather afraid to look at the person beneath him. “Alright, let’s go up.”

Gao Zhun opened his eyes in a daze, his lips swollen, red as blood. “No…” he murmured, his voice hoarse, his forehead pressing against Fang Chi’s chest. “Take me back with you, I beg you.”

Fang Chi frowned anxiously. Because of the stuffiness or something else, he loosened his tie. “Be good. Linlin will be here soon.”

“I don’t want to see her, I…”

Fang Chi kissed him again, so urgent, so insatiable. Gao Zhun’s words were all swallowed by him, not a single lingering sound left behind. This kiss was very rough, like tearing and biting a person apart. Gao Zhun’s whole body trembled in his hands, wanting to let loose but unable to, seeking release but unable to. Forget about having the strength to resist, even breathing was a luxury.

“Fang… mmm mmm…” Gao Zhun struggled slightly. Fang Chi unbuckled his seatbelt, and once unbuckled, hugged him forcefully into his arms. Holding him like making love, he rocked and played with him. Gao Zhun was excited beyond measure, swaying his soft waist, looking like he would catch fire with just a spark. “Take me back with you, I’ll do anything you say…”

Licking and licking, rocking and rocking, Fang Chi let him go and watched him bite his lip and twist in unbearable need for a while. He opened the passenger door. Wind and rain poured in, splashing onto Gao Zhun’s face, waking him up.

“Get out.” Fang Chi said resolutely.

“No…” Gao Zhun tried to curl up against the seatback, but Fang Chi pulled him apart and pushed him down heartlessly. Gao Zhun cried. One leg crossed outside the car, both hands stubbornly pulling on Fang Chi’s arm. Fang Chi suddenly remembered that Gao Zhun’s luggage was still in the trunk. Partly out of anger, he shook off those hands, got out into the rain to retrieve it.

Gao Zhun watched his figure in terror. The trunk opened and closed. By the time Fang Chi came back around carrying the luggage, he was soaked through. Gao Zhun watched him carry the luggage into the building. He knew that when he came back, he would be dragging him out.

He clenched his fingers trembling, both eyes fixed dead on the apartment entrance. Soon the door opened and Fang Chi walked out, striding directly toward him. “No, don’t,” he begged helplessly, grabbing the steering wheel and not letting go. “I don’t like you anymore, I don’t like you anymore, is that not enough!” He rolled in Fang Chi’s arms, raising his hand to knock Fang Chi’s glasses off.

Fang Chi didn’t care about the glasses. He pulled and dragged him out of the car, half carrying him toward the building. The rain beat down so hard he couldn’t open his eyes. Gao Zhun felt completely dizzy. By the time he crawled up from the ground and chased out, Fang Chi’s car had already started.

The glasses were still on the ground. He stepped over them chasing after the car, shouting as he ran, but Fang Chi couldn’t hear anything. He only watched his increasingly small and wretched figure in the rearview mirror. He turned on the radio. His heart hurt so much, like it was about to burst open. He drove with one hand and covered his chest with the other. If not for his professional training, he really would have made a U turn and rushed back.

When he got home, he was out of his mind. When he got into the elevator soaking wet, his nose was so sour he wanted to cry. He held his head, like a homeless madman.

Cold. His throat hurt terribly. With a start, Fang Chi woke up. He glanced at the clock. Half past midnight. He knew he had caught a cold. Not bothering with medicine, he grabbed his phone and found Gao Zhun’s number. After a slight hesitation, he dialed.

He thought Gao Zhun wouldn’t answer. He had been hurt, he should hate him by now. But in just a few seconds, the call connected. On the other end, besides heavy breathing, there was no sound. He shouted, “Gao Zhun!”

“…Why are you still calling?” Gao Zhun’s voice was ruined beyond listening, he must be sick.

“You caught a cold? Are you feeling bad?”

“A bit of a fever…” Gao Zhun said weakly, in a spoiled tone. “Come pick me up, okay?”

His heart hurt like that again. Fang Chi endured it. “Is Linlin there? Have her take you to the hospital!”

“There’s no one,” from the sound of it, Gao Zhun seemed to be crying. “I miss you…”

“It’s fine, don’t be afraid,” Fang Chi coaxed him gently. “Sleep first. When you wake up, I’ll come.”

After hanging up, he called Zuo Linlin. It also connected quickly, and the moment it connected he shouted, “Where are you!”

“In a taxi,” from her tone she wasn’t happy, probably dissatisfied with him losing his temper. “The flight was delayed.”

Fang Chi also felt his attitude was excessive. Suppressing his anger, he said, “Gao Zhun has a fever. Hurry back and take him…”

“Oh wow,” Zuo Linlin interrupted. “You two are really like brothers,” she also couldn’t control her emotions for a moment. “Let me tell you Fang Chi, back then I dumped you for him. Don’t get things mixed up!”

Fang Chi was choked speechless by her. He gave one sentence back. “Anyway, hurry back!” Then he hung up.

The next day was Saturday, no patients. Fang Chi was restless, didn’t know what to do with himself. Whatever he did, Gao Zhun was on his mind. He lasted until noon, then ran to the cinema and watched movies for most of the day. In a daze he made it to eleven, went home to shower and sleep.

He clearly wanted to sleep, but tossing and turning he couldn’t fall asleep. He stared with open eyes until half past one, couldn’t take it anymore and got up, dialing Gao Zhun’s home phone. The phone rang through once and cut off. He dialed again, and just as it was about to cut off again, Zuo Linlin picked up. “Hello?” Her tone was very bad, clearly sleeping soundly. “Who is it!”

“It’s me,” Fang Chi lowered his stance, asking softly. “That, how is he?”

Hearing it was him, Zuo Linlin’s attitude improved a bit. “Oh, him, still sleeping, probably a bit better.”

Very casual tone. Fang Chi suddenly flared with anger. “You didn’t take him to the hospital?”

“He wouldn’t go,” Zuo Linlin’s voice rose along with his. “He won’t even let me into his room! He said he wants to break up with me!”

Fang Chi felt like his heart was being stabbed to pieces. “He has a fever!” He was so agitated he even roared, his voice hoarse from straining. “From yesterday to today, he’s been burning up for at least a day and a night!”

“Are you accusing me?” Zuo Linlin’s voice went cold. “I’ve been away for so long, only got off the plane at midnight yesterday, and I didn’t hear you ask after me even once?” She wanted to say something harsh. “Let me tell you Fang Chi…”

But the call cut off. She stared at the receiver in disbelief. He had never treated her like this, not even when she broke up with him. She immediately called back wanting to argue with Fang Chi, but no one answered. She grabbed the receiver and screamed hysterically for a while, then stormed back to bed to sleep.

Twenty minutes, half an hour at most, someone knocked on the door. Zuo Linlin pulled her hair and climbed out of bed for the second time. In the dark she looked through the peephole. It was actually Fang Chi. Her anger surged up instantly. She unlocked three locks in a row, pushed the door open ready to curse, but Fang Chi didn’t even glance at her. He brushed past her heading toward Gao Zhun’s room. Because the room was dark, he even tripped in the living room.

“Fang Chi are you sick!” Zuo Linlin followed him. She was a bit confused about the situation. Fang Chi was like a changed person, coming in the middle of the night to demand an explanation. “If you want to find a sense of presence with me, please come during the day!”

In Fang Chi’s world, she simply didn’t exist. The moment he pushed open Gao Zhun’s door and turned on the light, he was swallowed whole, swallowed by a raging torrent. Was it love, or hate, stumbling about, leaving him nowhere to escape. “Gao Zhun?”

He called out. The person on the bed didn’t move. Those lips were deathly pale, but his cheeks were flushed red. The quilt was so thin, wrapping the person like a bundle. He trembled as he walked over, his knees so weak they almost buckled.

Zuo Linlin saw something was wrong with him. Kindly wanting to help him up. “What are you doing, he’s just catching a…”

“Get the hell away from me!” Fang Chi shoved her aside, very forcefully, pushing her out to crash into the corner cabinet by the wall. You could hear a thud. Her legs spread wide as she slid to sit on the floor.

Too wretched. Zuo Linlin glared upward with red eyes. She thought Fang Chi would be full of regret, would be shocked and terrified. But he only carefully patted Gao Zhun’s cheeks, then with effort tried to lift him up quilt and all. The quilt was really too big. He tried several times before barely managing to hold him.

“What are you doing…” Zuo Linlin had forgotten to be angry, staring blankly at him. Fang Chi turned around, clearly intending to take Gao Zhun away from here. When passing in front of her, she grabbed his pant leg desperately. “Where are you taking him!”

Fang Chi was lost in confusion, was possessed. He yanked his leg free from her hand with a jerk, strode out, and when he reached the half open front door, he lifted his foot with all his strength and kicked. A sound like snapping steel and breaking iron. It scared Zuo Linlin into covering her ears. She forgot to get up from the floor, her face drained of color, watching him disappear from sight.

Out the door, into the elevator. Fang Chi didn’t know how he pressed the buttons. Until Gao Zhun blinked and woke up, he realized he had been staring at him the whole time, like a lovesick fool. “Don’t be afraid,” his voice came out, tender and lingering. “We’re going to the hospital.”

Then, he thought what he saw must be an illusion. Gao Zhun’s brows and eyes only moved slightly, yet it was like a stone blooming into a flower, scissors sprouting buds, so full of feeling in every detail. “You really came…” Tears fell like broken beads of a string, dropping from those spring wave eyes. “Just like you promised…”

Fang Chi was struck dumb. His heart and lungs were filled with a resolve to go against the whole world. This resolve fermented and swelled, sustaining itself for several minutes. When he carried Gao Zhun onto the passenger seat, shifted into gear, started the engine, buckled the seatbelt, and released the parking brake about to drive out, it suddenly cooled down.

Remembering what he had just done, Fang Chi couldn’t help breaking out in a cold sweat. Zuo Linlin had been shoved to the ground by him. That look was shocked and uncomprehending. The gaze seemed to reflect the whole world, letting him see clearly his own perversion. He shifted to neutral and killed the engine. He pulled off his glasses and threw them on the dashboard. Three inches away was the mistake he had committed in a moment of impulse. His patient. A man.

“Fang Chi are you sick!”

Zuo Linlin’s words were still in his ears. He held his head in panic. They had never quarreled like this. He had never been willing to say a single harsh word to her. Now for Gao Zhun’s sake, he had actually left her there like that.

“Gao Zhun, I…” he spoke with difficulty.

“Hmm?” Gao Zhun responded in a daze. Fang Chi leaned in close and looked at him carefully. “You can’t come with me,” he used his palm to check the heat of his forehead. Very hot. “Be good. I’ll carry you back up. Linlin will take you…”

Gao Zhun immediately turned his head to the side. Even dizzy and sluggish, he understood. Fang Chi was about to push him away once again.

“Look at me,” Fang Chi forced down the anxiety in his heart, lifting his chin. “I’m talking to you!”

Gao Zhun weakly pushed his hand away. Though weak, that annoyed look angered Fang Chi. A surge of resentment welled up from the bottom of his heart. He hated the pride hidden in Gao Zhun’s bones. Hated that he attracted him yet dared to hold himself above him. He arched his body and leaned over, determined to turn that face. Whether because he was sick or had exhausted his patience, Gao Zhun resisted stubbornly. Back and forth, with a smack, he slapped Fang Chi across the face.

The force wasn’t great. More than a slap, it was excessive self defense. Fang Chi’s head was knocked to the side. His eyes went wide staring at the pulled apart corner of the quilt. Under the quilt was Gao Zhun’s champagne colored pajamas, and the flushed flesh covered in sweat droplets within the pajamas. Like being punched in the head, his face flushed red, his mind buzzing, like a prodigal son standing on the boundary of good and evil. Involuntarily he grabbed Gao Zhun’s restless hands.

Gao Zhun still didn’t realize anything at this point, dodging and not letting him grab. Fang Chi’s breathing grew more and more urgent, like a cat catching mice, pouncing wherever there was struggle. Soon, he caught him, holding him tight, not letting him move an inch. Gao Zhun twisted his wrist to no avail. How could he not resent Fang Chi too? Resenting his sanctimoniousness, resenting his two different faces in day and night. He kept struggling, a faint hum coming from his nose.

“Don’t move!” Fang Chi shouted, drenched in sweat. Gao Zhun wouldn’t listen. His burning body rose and fell in waves as he struggled. Fang Chi tried to suppress every insolent arch of his body. Pressing and pressing, it turned into bullying domination. The gripping hands loosened, turning to pull at the crooked collar of the pajamas. Ceramic buttons scattered and flew. Gao Zhun screamed. The memory of being violated and hurt woke up belatedly. Tears swirled in his wide open eyes. His lower body trembled. Underwear and pants were pulled off together.

“Help! Hel…” he shouted weakly, and was covered by a hand over his mouth. Fang Chi looked at him, yet also seemed not to be looking. His eyes were empty, only degenerate desire burning fiercely. “Now you know what I want to do…” He spread Gao Zhun’s thighs, simultaneously unbuckling his belt. “I’ve always wanted to do this!”

He forced himself in, inward, further inward, all the way to the deepest point he could reach. He felt burning hot, so hot he couldn’t control his thrusting. His penis seemed to melt, his entire groin soaking wet. A pleasure never before experienced, like a tidal wave, like a blade chopping down on his head, not even giving him time to savor it. The car body shook violently several times with his clumsy rocking, then stopped.

The climax swept through like a violent storm. He lay on Gao Zhun in a daze. A sexual encounter of only a few minutes, yet the lingering sensation was too sharp, like his whole body was numb from head to toe. If not for the flesh beneath him trembling nonstop, Fang Chi wouldn’t even have wanted to lift his head to look at that messy, tear streaked face. And his hand, was still cruelly covering Gao Zhun’s mouth.

He sucked in a breath of cold air. Reason, morality, judgment only returned at this moment. As if the beast like thrusting just now hadn’t been him. He blankly withdrew from his body, looked down at the hand holding his penis. It was red. It was blood. He jumped up in fright, his head hitting the car roof. “Sorry! Sorry!” He murmured, pulling up his pants. His blood stained hand trembling as it pulled open the car door. He knew he shouldn’t run, but this thought only flickered slightly before disappearing.

With a bang he slammed the car door shut and ran toward the pitch black long night. Left behind was his unspeakable crime, and a heart that he had smashed and torn apart.

Back home, Fang Chi rarely took a bath. He submerged his whole body, watching the dried blood slowly peel off and dissolve. When the hot water silently rose past his nose and mouth, in that instant, he wished he could drown himself.

He stayed awake with open eyes until dawn. All night he couldn’t figure out how this had happened. Thinking of Gao Zhun, thinking of his mouth and nose pinched red, thinking of the tears covering his eyes… He gave himself a slap, so hard that his cheek turned purple and his ears rang. He curled up in pain in the bathtub, until the hot water turned ice cold, before trembling as he climbed out.

In broad daylight he curled up in bed, recalling the details in the car over and over. It was step by step, he was lured by bait and fell into the trap of lust. Only then did he suddenly realize, he couldn’t even clearly say whether he had penetrated or not. That supreme pleasure, that blood, compared to the pain he had brought Gao Zhun, was so insignificant it was hardly worth mentioning. He really had no face to face him again.

At three twenty five in the afternoon, he called his senior from student days. The other party was playing golf. To match the relaxed Sunday atmosphere, Fang Chi pretended to be lighthearted. “Ge, are you with sister in law?” After brief pleasantries, he got to the point. “I remember you have a treatment room in the CBD?”

The other side said yes, just became vacant. Fang Chi immediately asked, “Can I borrow it for a while? I’ll pay you market rate rent.”

The other side laughed heartily, generously saying what money between brothers. Fang Chi hung up and soon received the other party’s WeChat, his secretary’s phone number. Fang Chi also called his own secretary. When connected, he said, “Secretary Li, notify all patients. Except Gao Zhun. Starting tomorrow, change the treatment location. I’ll send you the address shortly.”

The phone had just been put down when the ringtone sounded. He casually glanced at the screen and froze. The caller ID showed that name. The time was November 27, 3:33 PM. He probably would never forget this time in his life. He pressed speaker. The other side said hoarsely, “Hello, it’s me… I’m at the hospital. I just wanted to tell you… I’m fine. Next week’s treatment I’ll…”

There seemed to be a nurse or someone speaking beside him. “Hey bed 23, who told you to make a call. You just woke up, you need to stay quiet.”

Pinching his jaw hard, Fang Chi endured with all his might to not make a sound. He cried, tears gathering in every finger crevice. Gao Zhun seemed to be covering the receiver, saying softly, “I have to hang up. Can you… say something to me?”

Fang Chi thought he was probably the filthiest coward in this world. He resolutely pressed the red button. Then, tears wet the screen.