Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 22

“Your pants, they bother me Take them off.” “I’m asking you seriously,” I began.

“Like, really seriously.”

“Then just ask,” the other person replied flatly, a hint of annoyance in his voice at my constant stalling. He didn’t even bother to look up fromn the English newspaper he was reading. It was late afternoon and not particularly hot. Outside the window, flowers were in full bloom. The library, chilled by the air conditioning, was bustling with students as usual, though it wasn’t packed since it wasn’t exam season yet. I decided to go for it.

“I want to know what you get out of it.” “Get out of what?”

“From giving everyone ‘favors’ like this. What do you actually gain?” P’Jane stopped flipping the newspaper page.

“When you already have everything-looks, brains, money… you go around manipulating people, giving them what they want while they have to sacrifice themselves to you. What more could you possibly want?” “Power.” The tall man rose from his chair and walked to the window, turning his back to me. The afternoon sun shone behind him, casting his silhouette into total darkness.

“I work to satisfy my own mind, not for money or status. I give to them so I can get something back-so they remain in my debt. A debt far more valuable than gold.” He reached out his right hand as if to grasp the light in front of him.” An example? Someone comes to me wanting to be a ‘Perfect Man, ‘ wanting to pass and get an A every time. I make it happen. Then one day, when I ask for something in return-just asking him to step down as Club President-why couldn’t he just obey? He knew in his heart he was indebted to me and had to pay it back. Do you think anything in this world is free?”

“It isn’t. Someone else came to me wanting to be President. For me, whoever asks for something must get it. No exceptions. Since Thee wouldn’t step down quietly, I had to find a way to shove him out of the way. It’s not my fault his own actions came back to destroy him.”

“It’s not just Thee. I handle anyone who doesn’t pay their debt. The methods just differ for each person.” “… ”

“And the current President is now indebted to me, just like the others. My job is simply asking this person to do a little of this, that person to do a bit of that, in exchange for the help I gave them before. I trade them back and forth like commodities. The only difference is the currency is ‘favors.'” He spoke as if his work were mundane, not a game played with the human psyche.

Then, a wicked smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

“What could be sweeter than controlling people, darling?” “But… but that makes you a criminal. It means you helped Thee cheat by leaking the exam, right? Aren’t you afraid of being arrested?” He let out a dry laugh. “No. You’ve misunderstood, Jane. I’ve never done anything illegal.”

“How can you say that?!”

“I wrote the entire exam from memory for Thee the first time. I remembered it, wrote it from my own brain, and passed it to a junior like a normal tutoring session. Is that cheating? What did I do wrong? After that, I just told Thee I had a certain username-1didn’t even say what it was. I didn’t tell him to log in and look. I just said I had it. I didn’t say anything else. Thee chose to log in and look for himself. Do you understand now?” I felt a chill at his brilliance. I felt dizzy for a moment. No matter what happened, he would always slip away. Because he hadn’t done a single thing wrong.

“Do you remember me telling you l graduated in Psychology?”“… I’ll remember. From Harvard.”

“I chose Psychology as my first degree because I love studying humans. To me, humans are a very interesting species.” “What are you-”

“Because humans are hilarious. They are the only animals in the world that believe in things they can’t see. The only animals that believe in ‘fictions.’ “Like what? Everything from God, to national borders that don’t exist, to the stupid SOTUS systems in Thai universities, to the most successful joke of a fairy tale in the world.” He smirked, his eyes dancing.

“Money.”

“Try being stranded on a desert island and shouting to a monkey that you have a hundred dollars to trade for a banana. See if he gives it to you.” He chuckled, but I didn’t join in.

“No lion or tiger fights to occupy another’s territory for ‘sovereignty.’ No crocodile slaughters another because they worship different religions. They hunt to kill for food or to protect themselves. Because of money, humans are pathetic. They are deceptive creatures, struggling in every way possible just to possess those printed pieces of paper.” He kept that smile on his lips.

“And the other funny fairy tale? Dreams. Humans are the only animals that live for a future that hasn’t arrived, instead of living for the present. Other animals only think as far as: it’s cold, where should I migrate? I’m hungry, how do I hunt? Someone is hunting me, how do I escape? They don’t have dreams. But I see the value in them. I see a huge benefit. Making someone’s dream come true is incredibly fun. I just help them possess the dream they hope for, so that one day, it makes me the human who stands above all other humans.” His words chilled me to the bone. I stumbled back into my chair, stunned as he revealed his true agenda.

“When I finished my first degree, everyone told a man with a 200 IQ and a photographic memory like me to go to Med school. But being a doctor doesn’t put you above anyone; you only help fellow humans. If you want to control people-if you want to control the world-you study Law. Specifically, you have to become an ‘Honorable Judge.” His eyes flashed when he spoke of his past dream. The muscle in his right cheek twitched, as if the rage over being expelled was resurfacing. Then his expression smoothed out, and his voice turned ice-cold. “A real shame I didn’t make it all the way.” P’Jane picked up his newspaper and walked back to return it to its place. Then, he disappeared into the bookshelves to find some extracurricular reading. I remained standing there, numb. Even though I wasn’t as brilliant as him, it wasn’t hard to understand why he had pivoted from Law to Business Administration-instead of Engineering or Medicine. In a world driven by capitalism, Business is the study of almost every field; it is a form of power. P’Jane didn’t want to save lives or invent something great for humanity; he wanted to be the one who stood above all other humans. He was terrifying. I stood up and followed him into the aisles because I still had a question burning in my mind-not about why he was expelled, I wasn’t ready to know that yet. I found him scanning the shelves for books he might have missed or new arrivals. I blurted out, unable to help myself.

“Don’t you feel any pity for those people?” He turned to look at me. I rushed on, “Don’t you ever think about how the people who come to you feel? They might ask for help because they have no other choice!”… Just like me! This time, he turned his entire body toward me. He made my skin crawl simply by letting a smile spread across his face.” There are always choices in life; people just choose not to take them. Claiming you have ‘no choice’ is a bit irresponsible, don’t you think? Don’t act like those illegal laborers who sneak abroad to sell their bodies or their labor and then use ‘poverty’ as an excuse.” The tall figure stepped toward me, causing me to retreat in shock.” Are you thinking about yourself, darling?”

“You could have told your father and mother that your brother ran up a debt of 1. 2 million baht. You could have all worked together to pay it off. Sure, it might have taken a while-ten, twenty, thirty years. Who knows when it would have ended? But Jane, you didn’t choose that path.” “P’Jane… what are you doing? This is a library!” I cried out as he cornered me against the bookshelf, trapping me with both arms. We were so close I felt unsafe, even in a public library. His wide eyes watched me with a smile as he continued. “I just realized I haven’t told you the rules of our arrangement yet.”

“What ‘rules’… ” I turned my face away as l asked because our noses were almost touching. He moved his body between my legs; the position was dangerously suggestive.

“The rules for being mine.” P’Jane pressed closer until it felt like our bodies were merging. I closed my eyes as we stood flush against each other, and I could feel him pressing against my inner thigh. Then, his deep voice spoke.

“First of all, don’t be too emotional. It’s annoying.””… ”

“No more getting emotional over your own story like you just did. Throw those feelings away,” he added mockingly. I could only press my lips together tightly. I was disadvantaged in every way; there was no way for me to resist.

“Rule number 2… ” He used his right hand to catch a stray lock of hair on my forehead, tucking it behind my ear with a touch so light it made me shiver.

“Listen to me. Be a good boy. Just that.”

“P’Jane… get out,” I hissed through gritted teeth.

“Rule number 3: If you don’t understand anything, go back to Rule Number 1.” A satanic smile widened on his handsome face when I looked at him in shock at those absurd rules.

“Not too hard, right? Darling.” The rumor that “Little Jane” and “Big Jane” were back together spread like wildfire. Surprisingly, most people seemed happy for us. I never knew that he and I were an “ideal couple” in the eyes of many-the pair everyone watched in the BBA International program. All this nonsense happened because I let those kids take our picture and post it on that page in the first place. I’m so mad at myself; if I hadn’t agreed that day, I wouldn’t have to live under this many watchful eyes now. My friends were beyond shocked when I broke the news at the lunch table. Everyone looked at me like I had just given birth to a tadpole-especially Gap.

Finally, Sherry asked about P’Win directly, but I used the ready-made story P’Jane had helped craft and told it simply. Only Putt looked at me with suspicion. Then P’Jane arrived. He paid for everyone’s meals and sat there holding my hand and leaning on my shoulder, reinforcing the lie that we were truly back in love. I didn’t say anything. Putt and I stole several glances at each other; he understood immediately without me having to explain. Yes… I was now one of the people who owed a favor to Jane Patrick. Lately, P’Jane has been very busy… so busy we hardly see each other, or if we do, it’s only for a few moments. He appears and disappears like a ghost, seemingly busy with his private business. But in those brief windows of time, he acts so convincingly that everyone believes we’ve returned to how we were before without a single doubt. It has been a suffocating week. I find it hard to keep a straight face whenever someone greets me or asks about P’Jane-especially when they congratulate us on getting back together. In contrast, he accepts it all naturally, playing the role of the perfect boyfriend so seamlessly that I just have to go along with it day by day. I feel more like his pet than his boyfriend. And every time I look into his eyes, I know that’s my true position: under his thumb, with no right to demand anything. I have to keep reminding myself: we aren’t actually boyfriends. “Is your man not coming to class today?” Gap asked . “Yeah, P’Jane is working.

He’ll probably skip the whole day.” “I haven’t seen him at the MU (university) at all lately.”

“Yeah, he’s busy. Even I hardly see him,” I told Gap, and I could only pray he’d stay busy like this for a while longer.

“Wanna play football today then?”

“Sure. We missed it yesterday because you had piano lessons.” I looked at my watch.

“But not right now, man. The sun is so bright I’ll be cooked alive.”

“Obviously! You shorty… I meant in the evening.” Now that I no longer had to work part-time, I had time to play football again. As for my belongings left at the shop, P’Jane had already gone and retrieved them for me a long time ago. Today, we had a makeup class until 7: 00 PM. I scribbled notes as the professor lectured at a rapid-fire pace. My brain felt sluggish after studying all day since morning; my mind was already fixated on the football field where I’d be playing afterward. I was desperate to relax. Suddenly, my phone vibrated silently in my pocket. I set my pen down and pulled it out. I was currently using Jet’s old phone-it was several models outdated but still fully functional, unlike my old one, which was too shattered to be repaired. P’Jane: Come see me after class.

[Sent a Location] Jane: Where?

I don’t know how to get there. P’Jane: I’ve already sent a taxi to pick you up. When class is over, go out through the side entrance. A car will be waiting. The driver’s name is Sommai. Bring the things from my locker, too. Code: 543. Jane: Can we meet another day? It’s late already. I have an essay to write.

P’Jane: I’ll write it for you. Jane: I mean, I don’t want to get home late. My mom will be waiting up. P’Jane: Then don’t go back. Jane:-What do you mean? P’Jane:-It means you’re staying with me tonight. I froze for a moment. My heart missed a beat, and a sudden wave of nausea hit my stomach so hard I had to clutch my abdomen with my left hand.

P’Jane: If you don’t want to call and tell your mom, I’ll call her myself. Jane:-No need. I typed back hurriedly, my hands trembling. What would my mom think if P’Jane suddenly called her? She knew absolutely nothing about what was going on between us. P’Jane:-See you soon then. Even just that smiling emoticon made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I felt a sudden chill. Was it really happening? Was today the day he would demand I repay him for everything he had given me? I tucked the phone back into my pocket with a shaking hand and whispered to Gap, my mind completely elsewhere.

“I can’t go play football after class anymore.” An orange taxi pulled up in front of a famous private hospital. I felt a bit confused that P’Jane had asked to meet here, but I figured someone like him wouldn’t make a mistake, so I didn’t question the driver. I moved to grab my wallet.

“How much, P”

“It’s alright. The fare was prepaid.”

“Oh… ” I stepped out of the car, adjusting my shoulder bag. The item P’Jane had asked me to get from his locker was a blue JBL speaker. Why on earth did he want this?

[Hello]

“I’m at the hospital. Where are you, P’Jane?”

[In the Physical Therapy department. Come on up. If you don’t see me, just have a seat and wait. ] I hung up, more confused than ever about what he was doing in that department, but I went anyway.

When I arrived, I sank into a sofa and picked up a magazine to kill time. Not five minutes later, he walked out of an exam room with a doctor. The doctor’s white coat was embroidered with a name and surname I recognized immediately: Chuengtaweekiat. It was P’Jane’s mother’s maiden name. They were cousins.

“Jane, you need to take better care of yourself. You have to come to your physical therapy appointments regularly.”

“I’m not usually free, but I’ll come when I can,” P’Jane replied politely, though the doctor frowned.

“Don’t be like that, Jane. Auntie Kul is worried about you.”

“Mom worries too much. You know that, P’Ram.”

“You say you have no time, yet you’ve gone and done something to the point your shoulder is nearly dislocated. Maybe it’s time to ease up on the heavy lifting.” P’Jane didn’t respond to the doctor; he only smiled. I stood up, feeling it was the right thing to do. P’Jane reached out and pulled me close to him.

“This is my boyfriend. We share the same name. Jane, this is my relative, P’Ram.”

“Hello, P’Ram,” I said, raising my hands in a respectful wai. The young doctor returned the gesture.

“Oh, Jane has a boyfriend now?” He seemed a bit surprised but recovered quickly, smiling at me.

“I’ll leave my younger brother in your hands then.” I could only manage an awkward smile, unable to say a word. P’Jane cut the conversation short.

“Anyway, we’ll head out first, P’Ram. See you.”

“Alright, see you.” As the tall man wrapped his arm around my waist and led me out of the department, I caught the cool, herbal scent of muscle ointment wafting from his shoulders instead of the expensive, fresh cologne I was used to smelling on him. I couldn’t help but ask.

“Are you sick? What’s wrong?”

“Just the usual aches and pains.”

“To the point of needing physical therapy?” To me, PT wNas usually for elderly people or those with severe muscle and bone injuries. But P’Jane looked normal… and perfectly healthy. He stopped walking and turned me around to face him, his eyes glinting with that familiar hint of malice.

“Why? Are you worried about me?” I took a deep breath. This question again-the same one he asked me back at P’Ek’s photo exhibition. This question was clearly designed to mess with my head. With a flash of irritation, I brushed his large hands off my shoulders.

“Being worried and being curious are not the same thing.”

“Is that so?”“ Yeah.”

“Jane… speak a bit more sweetly, would you?” His deep, stern voice made me feel as if my defiance had hit a wall. He really was the master of my life now. I could only resist in my mind. I pressed my lips together tightly as I started walking again, hating the suffocating feeling of being unable to express my true thoughts. Eventually, P’Jane began to explain on his own.

“I have a chronic condition-shoulder and arm pain. It’s flaring up lately because of work.” I nodded. Since he was speaking nicely, I’d ask nicely.

“Is it so bad that you need physical therapy?”

“Physical therapy is normal. Anyone can doit. Surgery-now that would be a big deal.” “Oh… ”

“I come and go, but this time the pain was unbearable. Getting it done was a good move.”

“What did you do this time to make it hurt that much?”

“Just work.”“ Hmm.” I nodded, understanding what he meant. But even more clearly, I realized I didn’t want to know the details of his “work.” It could be something | expect or something beyond my imagination. I figured… it was better not to know.

“Did you bring the thing I asked for?” He didn’t elaborate any further, remaining a man who kept his secrets naturally.

“Yeah, I brought it.” I took the speaker out of my bag and handed it to him. P’Jane held it as we walked toward his car. Then, he turned to me. “Jane, you drive.”“ Me?” I barely caught the BMW keys he tossed at me.

“Yes. That’s why I called you here. I just finished physical therapy; l don’t want to strain my muscles driving.” “You don’t know how to drive?”

“No! I can drive.” He nodded as my heart began to race. I knew how to drive and had a license, but I rarely did it and wasn’t very skilled. But since he told me to… We crawled forward at 40 km/ h. I drove with extreme caution, my hands gripping the steering wheel as if it were the last thing keeping me alive. I stared straight ahead, refusing to look anywhere else. I could not afford to crash. Being indebted to him for one favor was already more than enough. If I damaged this car, he would surely demand another favor as compensation. By then… I would have nothing left to give him. I would be even more degraded and stripped of my dignity than I am now. “Jane.”

“Yeah! What is it?” I jumped at the sudden sound of him calling my name.” If you aren’t a strong driver, you should have told me. I can drive.”

“No, no. I can do it.”

“Driving this slow is causing a traffic jam for the whole lane.”“ I’m accelerating!” “Accelerating? Just step on it. We still have things to do tonight.” Suddenly, I felt my body go weak. My hands lost their strength and my heart hammered against my ribs at his casual tone. Even though his face and voice were neutral, I felt as if someone had a knife pressed against my throat. I didn’t say another word. I focused entirely on driving until we finally reached P’Jane’s condo around 9: 00 PM.

“Are you hungry? Let’s grab something to eat first,” P’Jane asked. Wanting to stall for more time, I nodded in agreement. Before l knew it, we were at a local street food stall. I stared at my seafood glass noodle stir-fry as the noodles began to bloat. I finally set my utensils down.

“Are you full already?” P’Jane noticed and asked. I nodded. Don’t call it ‘full’… call it ‘too sick to eat.’ “Want to order something else to snack on?” I shook my head in refusal. P’Jane stared at me for a moment before speaking.

“Jane… it takes a lot of energy.”

“Do you understand what I’m saying?” He picked up his glass for a sip, speaking over the rim with a steady gaze.” Sex is one of the best ways to burn calories.”

“If you don’t eat like this, you’ll be starving once we’re finished.”

“I… I’m is full. I really can’t eat anymore.”

“Well, then it’s up to you.” P’Jane finished his carbonara in no time and called for the check immediately. Before I knew it, I was standing in the elevator with him. I jumped when he draped an arm over my shoulder, guiding me out of the elevator and toward his unit. I stepped into the condo with a feeling like I was walking toward the gallows. I stood in the middle of the dark blue bedroom, my heart racing uncontrollably. Even though I had been to this room many times before, my stomach had never twisted with this much nausea. I didn’t dare sit down anywhere; I just stood there, gripping the strap of my shoulder bag. Every second I spent on my feet, I felt like I was about to collapse. P’Jane disappeared into the bathroom before returning with the scent of mint drifting toward me. He had brushed his teeth… The JBL speaker was placed on a teak counter. P’Jane synced his iPhone to it via Bluetooth, and the sexy song he had chosen began to play for both of us to hear. Climb on board We’ll go slow and high-tempo Light and dark Hold me hard and mellow P’Jane hummed along to the music in a good mood as he turned away from the speaker, letting it play. My hands were as cold as ice, and sweat was pouring off my body. So this was it… the reason he wanted me to bring the speaker. Specifically for this. Is this much “atmosphere building” normal before sex? I didn’t know… I really didn’t. I had never had sex before. Even the closest thing I’d done with him previously had happened naturally-it wasn’t premeditated like this. Back then, I was a willing participant… I actually wanted it. My head was pounding. Everything was a blur.

“Jane.” “Jane, baby.” P’Jane’s voice called to me from the sofa-bed behind me. I slowly turned to look at him and found him reclining there. He had already unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt, making the padlock pendant more visible than usual. He crooked his finger, beckoning me slowly. His eyes were heavy and lidded-as if he could command me with a look.

“Come here.””… ”

“Come to me.” “… ”

“Come on, Jane.” I stared at him for what felt like a full minute before snapping my head away, covering my face with both hands. My entire body was shaking. I couldn’t do it. My legs wouldn’t move an inch. It felt like my feet were bolted to the floor. I couldn’t do this. I wanted to run away-I wanted some kind of massive natural disaster to happen right here, right now. “Jane.” I jumnped violently again. I hadn’t even noticed him move, but suddenly he was standing right in front of me. He used his hands to peel mine away from my face, lowering them to my sides. Without realizing it, I went back to gripping my bag strap so hard my nails dug into my palms. I must have been pale with terror; I was on the verge of a total breakdown.

“Jane, stop it. Don’t be stubborn.” I lowered my head, my breathing hitched. His soft voice continued to coax me.” We had an agreement, remember? There’s nothing to be afraid of.” His warm breath brushed against the side of my face.

“It’ll be fun. I’ll make it good for you. I won’t let you get hurt.” I shook my head. No… no…

“Jane. Jane, look at me.” I kept shaking my head frantically.

“I said, look at me.” His voice was deep and resonant, making me lift my head as if l were being operated by a remote control. He didn’t even have to shout, yet he held that much power over me.

” You asked me for a favor.””… ”

“And I did it for you, right away.” He snapped his fingers loudly for emphasis.

“So of course, now you have to pay me back, darling.” I was speechless. The man in front of me was still smiling sweetly. He looked completely relaxed, a stark contrast to my hammering heart. That smile on his handsome face looked like the smile of a kind man, but in reality… he was a demon. “You knew the rules from the start, didn’t you?” “… ”

“You had the right to refuse from the beginning, but you agreed to it yourself.” “… ” “So, isn’t it time to follow the rules?” I stood frozen. My mind raced, trying to find a way to escape this moment, this place. But no matter where I looked… there was nothing. No way out. I gasped as his heavy hand landed gently on my shoulder. I flinched so hard it felt like my feet left the floor. Then, his deep voice whispered into my right ear, tinged with a chuckle. I couldn’t tell if he was amused or being affectionate.

“Come on, Jane. It’s not like we haven’t done this before.” “… hic… “” Don’t be so emotional.” I wasn’t crying, but | was so terrified I let out a jagged sob. I tried to back away as P’Jane pressed closer. My eyes widened as the feeling of being preyed upon became real. Finally, my back hit the wall. I couldn’t think anymore. His right hand slammed against the wall with a deafening thud, while the thumb of his left hand traced my cheek and stopped at my lips. He pressed down firmly, sinking into the soft flesh of my lower lip.

“When you act all scared like this, Jane… it only turns me on more.” At that exact second, the only thing I could think of was the first rule he had told me. That I must not be emotional. But above Rule Number One, there was a “Rule Zero” floating out there-one that I never had the chance to follow. Rule no. 0: “Stay away from Jane Patrick.”