Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 26

“Sex in a dance is in the eyes of the beholder”

Gwen Berdon

···

“P’Jane! Over here! Over here!” I waved my hand frantically, calling out to him as he scanned the crowd looking for me. We had agreed to meet right after his morning class ended. P’Jane, who stands taller than almost everyone and was looking over the heads of the crowd, stopped as he finally spotted me. He walked over with a smile spreading across his face.

“Have you been waiting long?”

“Just the usual. You must be starving after class. Here, I made some sandwiches for you.” I handed him a Tupperware container. I’d made them back at the condo because I noticed the ham, bread, and fresh vegetables in the fridge were going to expire next week, so l figured this was the best use for them.

“For me?” “Yeah, for you. Why? You don’t like ham sandwiches?”

“No, I love them.” He spoke while immediately taking a large bite, smiling at me as he chewed.

I had made quite a lot-you could practically call it a sandwich buffet. Since knowing him, I’ve realized P’Jane isn’t a light eater, though he isn’t exactly gluttonous either.

“If it’s too much, you don’t have to force yourself to finish. I just made them just because.” He didn’t say anything but nodded while still chewing away. I picked up a sandwich and took a bite myself, smiling. I’m actually a good cook; this mayonnaise blend tastes great.

“Is there any water?”

“Yep. I squeezed some orange juice for you. Here.” I handed him a Starbucks tumbler. I’d squeezed it fresh this morning right before making the sandwiches. P’Jane took the cup and sipped through the straw. I sat there scrolling through my phone; I didn’t have any more classes today, and P’Jane was finished as well. I reached into the Tupperware to grab another sandwich to snack on, only to be shocked when my hand hit the bottom. “Hey! You ate them all?” “Mm-hm.”

“Whoa, were you that hungry? I can’t believe you actually finished them. Was the lecture content that heavy today?” He didn’t answer, only smiled while scratching the back of his head with his left hand. I shrugged and took the empty container back. P’Jane opened his calendar on his phone. I didn’t pry, letting him manage his own life as usual. It’s not that I’d forgotten what Putt said, but not right now. I didn’t want to ruin a perfectly good day this early on. Besides, P’Jane isn’t stupid. On the contrary, he’s incredibly sharp. He knows how to use methods and people without getting his own hands dirty. If you were to call him “bad,” he’s the type who is deeply, subtly dangerous. If I were to ask him a direct question, I’m certain I wouldn’t get anything out of him-it would only put him on guard, and he’d stop speaking so freely with me.

“You don’t have anything else to do today, right?”

“Nope. Same for you, right?”

“Correct,” he replied. I checked my watch before asking, “So what’s the plan? Should we go study at the library? Finals are coming up.”

“But before finals, we have the ballroom exam,” P’Jane reminded me. I pouted immediately because no matter how many times l tried to squeeze into a slot, the practice rooms were fully booked. I didn’t want to give up on practicing and go into the exam unprepared.

“What should we do, P’Jane? I asked the staff again yesterday, and they said there are really no cancellations.”

“I know a place where we can practice.” Huh? I turned to look at him, only to find that P’Jane was already watching me.

“It’s off-campus. But as long as it’s a room with mirrors on all sides, that’s enough, right?”

“You really know a place? Can we go today?” P’Jane’s lips curved into that beautiful smirk. His eyes were twinkling. “For you, Jane, I’ll make it happen.” P’Jane parked the car in front of a grand-looking establishment. It wasn’t too far from our university, but I wouldn’t call it close either. I looked up at the building from inside the car. We’re going to practice ballroom dance here? Why does this feel a bit strange?

“Get out.” P’Jane walked around to open the car door for me. I nodded and stepped out, following him as he pushed through the glass doors.” Welcome to Complete Fitness! How can we help you?” A female staff member greeted us enthusiastically. Yes, this place was a gym. There were several fit-looking men and women in workout gear using the common areas. P’Jane and I, in our student uniforms, didn’t fit in at all, but P’Jane didn’t look self-conscious in the slightest. He simply smiled back at the woman and said: “My name is Jane Patrick. Khun Sam should have informed you l would be coming in today.”

“Oh, of course! He did inform us.” The woman looked startled when she realized who was standing in front of her, but she quickly regained her composure and hurried from behind the counter.” Khun Jane Patrick, this way please. Khun Sam had Manao clear the room for you already.” “Follow me, Jane.”

“Uh, okay.” I walked behind P’Jane and Ms. Manao, unable to resist whispering to him: “Darling, who is Khun Sam?”

“The owner of this place. I did him a little favor once.”

“Seriously, is there anyone in Bangkok who doesn’t owe you a favor? No-is there anyone in this country who doesn’t owe you something? I’m truly asking.” P’Jane let out a huff of laughter, his eyes crinkling as we followed Ms. Manao into a room. He didn’t answer, but it wasn’t a question I was dying for a serious response to anyway. You can’t really demand an answer for something like that; he probably hasn’t even kept count of how many people owe him.

“Please, feel free, Khun Jane and friend.” Ms. Manao backed out and closed the door behind us. I looked around the room with interest. It was a moderately spacious room with mirrors on all four walls and two sturdy metal poles fixed in the center. Before I could ask anything, I heard the sound of P’Jane pulling off his knit sweater and dropping it on the floor.

“I think this should work. Usually, they use this room for private Pole Dancing lessons.”

“Oh… no wonder there are poles.”

“Yeah, but it has mirrors all around. The floor space is good, and there’s a sound system for phone connection.” P’Jane said while taking off his wristwatch.

“Mm-hm… ” I nodded in agreement.

“Do you want to rest first, or should we start?”

“Let’s start. I’m ready.” I rolled up my sweater sleeves with determination. P’Jane smiled before walking over to connect his phone to the speakers. An elegant melody began to play, and he returned to his position for the Viennese Waltz. I stepped in, taking his hand and pressing my body into his embrace. I began to dance, focusing intently on the steps Professor Raphee had taught us. I still wasn’t great… just as before.

“Jane, focus.” P’Jane was both an excellent lead and a stern teacher. His deep, firm voice commanded me to gather my concentration. Beads of sweat began to form around his face. His gaze was powerful. We danced for so long that P’Jane, who gets hot easily, had sweat soaking through his student shirt until it clung to his skin. I brought my focus back to the practice, moving my legs fluidly through the steps we’d been repeating for over an hour and a half. Finally, I was able to move smoothly. But not yet… I still had to put the “inner feeling” into the dance to make it perfect. We had agreed: we were only settling for an ‘A’. We were going to do this.” More elegance, Jane. More! Chin up. Chest up, Jane. More, more! I said more! Good, that’s good. Good boy.” P’Jane tightened his right arm, pushing my back up until our noses nearly touched. We were both gasping for air, our bodies heaving as if we had just run a thousand kilometers. Sweat soaked both of us, making our skin feel slick and tacky. I inhaled sharply; the scent of P’Jane’s cologne mixed with the smell of sweat gave off a heavy, masculine hormone scent that was incredibly sexy. Even though I was exhausted to the point of collapse, that was only the first dance. We still had two more to practice. I wanted to rip this knit sweater off right now. Why did I put it on in the first place? P’Jane let go of me and yanked at his own collar until two buttons popped off, then swept his hair back to keep it out of his eyes. He looked like he was hot enough to want to strip his shirt off, too. Ah… he looks devastatingly handsome with his hair pushed back like that.

“Jane, change the track. We’re moving to the Slow Foxtrot.” The road ahead for this practice session was still long.

“No! Jane, don’t step like that. I told you, that’s not it!” P’Jane’s stern, sharp voice caused me to misstep. My foot slid, but P’Jane caught me in time, hauling me up before I hit the floor. We had been practicing for nearly three hours, and I still wasn’t getting the Quickstep right. As we both knew, we didn’t have much time. Today was likely our last chance to practice before the actual exam, so there was no room for repeated mistakes. “Enough.” P’Jane spoke firmly and released my hands. I felt myself shrink, overcome with guilt and nerves. Usually, he’s a very patient person, but the physical exhaustion and the stifling heat must have finally made him snap. “P’Jane… I’m sorry.” He raised one hand, signaling for me to stop talking, forcing me to swallow my words instantly. P’Jane wiped the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve in irritation before speaking curtly.

“Go to that pole. Right now.” I didn’t dare make a sound; I hurried over to the metal pole he pointed at.

“Not like that. Face the pole.” I quickly spun around to face it, having leaned against it initially. My heart hammered unevenly at his reprimand. P’Jane had always been a top student; he probably didn’t want a B + on his record for the first time in history just because of me. That’s why he was being so serious. I felt the heat radiating from his tall frame as he stood directly behind me. P’Jane pressed his hands over mine, which were resting at my sides. I jumped slightly at the touch, then felt the cold bite of the metal in my palms as he positioned my hands to grip the pole.” Mmm… P’Jane… ” I closed my eyes and tensed my neck as his warm breath fanned over me. He began to nuzzle and bite hungrily at my neck and right shoulder. Every fine hair on my body stood on end at the contact. P’Jane must have just shaved. The slight scratch of his stubble sent shivers through me. I gripped the metal pole tighter as his hands squeezed over mine again.

“Don’t let go of the pole, Jane,” he rasped. His damp breaths trailed over my ear, and before I knew it, I felt his hands wandering all over my body, even through my clothes. His palms were as hot as a flame. I tilted my head back, letting out a jagged breath. I felt so hot I was panting steam onto the pole. I felt him, hard and insistent, pressing against my backside. The temperature in the room felt like it was crashing through the ceiling. “Hah… hah… P’Jane… ah!” I squeezed my eyes shut as his heavy right hand reached down to firmly squeeze me while he claimed my mouth in a kiss. I could only moan into his throat as his tongue filled my mouth. My legs, which had been standing firm, began to tremble. I could feel myself making a mess of my underwear and his large hand. I leaned my face against the cold metalas my pants and underwear were tugged down together. P’Jane used his foot to kick the cluttered clothes out of the way. Then, he dropped to his knees, biting and sucking from my calves… trailing all the way up to my hidden heat, before using his lips to drink from it. At first, I tried to pull away in shock and resistance, but he used both hands to pin me in place so I couldn’t move. I felt the wetness-rough yet strangely tender. A brand new sensation, fluid and blissful, surged through my entire body. I moaned at this new kind of pleasure, flinching as his long tongue flicked and searched for the right spot. My body pulsed around the soft intruder against my better judgment. It felt like an electric shock. Shouldn’t I be harder to get than this? But god… this felt incredible. My breath came in shaky gasps. I thrashed my head against the metal pole, tears brimming at the corners of my eyes from the sheer, novel intensity of it. Then P’Jane pulled away, leaving me feeling suddenly hollow. His lips sucked firmly along the line of my back, as if my skin were a surface that needed cleaning. I knew my back would be covered in purple bruises. Finally, he stood behind me again, using his knee to push my legs apart insistently. I gripped the pole until my knuckles turned white as he pushed into me. P’Jane stayed still for a moment to let me adjust. I could feel him expanding inside me before he began to move in a heart-wrenching, heavy rhythm. It wasn’t fast, but it was rhythmic-like someone pulling in a tug-of-war. One, two, three… then a thrust. Every time I thought it was over, it began again, piercing through me like a magic wand that brought both bliss and agony at the same time. The sound of our gasping moans echoed throughout the room. Then, his deep voice whispered in my ear.

“From the first moment I saw your face, I knew immediately that this person had to be my boyfriend.”

“Mmm… ”

“Not a junior. Not a friend.” “Ha… hah… ”

“Only my boyfriend.” The sheer intensity of his love-making made my nerves go numb. I closed my eyes, my body shaking with every agonizingly perfect thrust he gave me. It was a visceral pleasure that I realized l actually loved… Had I ever mentioned that? That I love it when we lose ourselves like this. I love his touch. A touch that is raw and wild, yet possesses the underlying gentleness of a gentleman. “I feel… mmm… ”

“Jane… good boy, good boy.” His raspy voice made me want to please him with my body even more. Even if I didn’t love him… I wanted him to love me. Even if I wasn’t obsessed with him, I wanted him to be obsessed with me. Love me… be obsessed with only me.” Hah… hah!” P’Jane kissed the back of my neck, his hands kneading my hips until the skin felt electrified. He pulled me open further, shifting from a heavy rhythm to a staccato pace as fast as a machine gun. “Ah… ah, ah… !” “You love this?” “Yes, yes! I love it! Ahhh!” Whatever P’Jane wanted, I would do. “Look at yourself in the mirror.” His heavy hand locked onto my chin, forcing me to open my eyes and look at the shameful sight of myself in the mirror ahead while he continued to drive into me. His voice was cracked with burning emotion. “Look how happy you are. Aah.” “Hah… hah… ”

“See how much I make you happy.” My breath came in shallow tatters. My face in the mirror was flushed deep red, my eyes glazed and wet while my body continued to crave him with primal instinct. I was so embarrassed that I was responding to him this well. I could only cry out and slump my head against the pole when P’Jane lifted me, forcing me onto my tiptoes as he thrust upward. My legs shook as if I were about to fall, but l didn’t, because he held me up. After a moment, he gripped the pole as well, grinding into me with focused intensity. He swirled inside me until I could only squeeze him tight, as if I were trying to draw the very life from him. I heard his husky moan of satisfaction in my ear. The sound of skin hitting skin filled the room. The change of scenery provided a thrilling rush for both of us. I didn’t know if I usually responded this well, but today, it was the best it had ever been. And I had never felt P’Jane be this predatory. His hands reached under my shirt to pinch and roll my chest with his thumbs and forefingers until I thrashed. I arched my back; even though I tried to pull away, I had no defense when he controlled my entire body. One arm was clamped tight around my waist, his long tongue licking across my neck until my collar was soaked. My eyes flew wide as a wave of pleasure gathered into a knot in my lower stomach. Tears spilled over as my brain went blank. My heart hammered in my chest as if it were about to explode. This time was different from all the others. “P… P’Jane… AHHHH!” I let out a long, high cry, louder than ever before. Finally, my racing heart began to settle. I panted softly, overcome with a deep embarrassment when I felt the unprecedented dampness between my thighs. But P’Jane didn’t even seem to notice. He withdrew and turned me around to face him. He stripped off my sweat-soaked knit sweater and shirt. His long arms wrapped around my naked body while his lips claimed mine in a hungry, desperate kiss. Even his hands, wandering over me, seemed hungrier than before. I moaned into his mouth as I felt him slide back inside me.

“I love you, Jane. My good boy.” He lifted me until I was completely off the ground. I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders while my legs hooked around his waist. He panted as he made my world flip upside down once again.

“I love you, Jane.”

“Mmm… P’Jane… P’Jane… !” “Do you love me, Jane?” “… I love you.” I don’t understand why, every time we have sex, he likes to tell me he loves me and asks if I love him back. I know neither of us truly feels that way. They are just words carried away by the heat of lust. But I say the lines he wants to hear every single time. Because it’s not the first time… that I’ve told him I love him when l don’t. And it’s likely the same for him.

“I love you, Jane… “