Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 27

Yeah, I’m a bad guy Ain’t no holdin’ back guy Come off like I’m mad guy Always got your back guy Yeah, I’m the real type Keep you full of thrills type Show you what it feels like Got an open invite I’m the bad guy Let’s just say that after that day, we went back to that room many more times. It was actually to practice ballroom dancing… we didn’t do ‘that ‘again.

We both still had exams to pass, after all. Finally, the final exams for every subject passed. I don’t think the results will be too bad, thanks to my lovely group of friends who helped tutor me-we basically pushed and pulled each other so the whole squad would survive. Plus, I had P’Jane helping me with the parts | didn’t understand.

P’Jane is still impressively smart; sometimes I caught myself just staring at his profile while he explained academic theories, not listening to a single word he said. And every time he caught me with a sidelong glance, flashing that knowing smirk that curved the corners of his mouth, it made me jump every time.

“Falling for my charms, are you?”

“Self-centered!”… As if I’d admit it that easily. And finally, D-Day arrived: the day of our ballroom dancing exam. It was the very last final of the semester, and after this, a long break awaited us. I warmed up my wrists and ankles, my heart thumping hard. Even though I’d practiced with a partner like P’Jane more than ten times, I couldn’t help the nerves. I’m the type who does great during practice but fumbles during the real thing. I know a lot of you are probably the same way, right?

“Take a deep breath.” A deep voice spoke as a hand was placed on my head. The warmth from his palm traveled straight to my heart, calming me down a little. Then the owner of that large hand spoke again.

“Calm down, baby.” I smacked P’Jane’s arm with a loud thwack because he said it so loudly.

“Baby” this, “baby” that… not here! Finally, it was our turn. Viennese Waltz, Slow Foxtrot, and the Quickstep. I kept running the choreography through my head non-stop until I heard Professor Raphee tell us to begin. P’Jane swept his arm around me, leading me through the rhythm as fluidly as we had practiced. It felt like a blackout. The next thing I knew, my feet had come to a dead stop. One hand was still on P’Jane’s shoulder while the other was interlaced with his. I was panting slightly from the exertion. I looked at the padlock pendant on the chest of the man in front of me. It moved up and down slightly with his breathing, as the tall figure was also out of breath. The exam was over.

And it looked like I didn’t make a single mistake. I walked out of the exam room side-by-side with P’Jane, my spirit feeling bright. Even though the memory of the dance was a blur due to the excitement, I was confident I’d passed with at least a B or higher.

“You’re in a good mood.”

“Of course! Exams are all done. I feel so relieved,” I answered him cheerfully. He gave me a small smirk, his eyes sparkling like a field of stars. I’m getting more used to having him around every day-so much so that I’ve almost forgotten what kind of shackles brought me back to his side. Because honestly, having Jane Patrick in my life isn’t bad at all.

“Jane! Jane, are you finished with your exam?” A voice I had almost forgotten called out. I turned around in shock to find a large, heavy-set figure rushing toward me, grabbing my arm so hard my feet almost left the ground.

“Perfect timing! Chassy and Gib are the last pair for the Social Dance exam. Jane, come tutor Chassy for a bit! Chassy already booked a room.” “Uh… wouldn’t it be better to practice with your actual partner?” | tried to make an excuse, gently attempting to pull my arm out of Chassy’s grip. But the other person’s hands were like a gecko’s-stuck tight. I didn’t dare yank back too hard for fear of being rude.

“Gib is stuck in another exam; he’ll only get here right before the test starts. In the meantime, come be Chassy’s practice partner! You already dance the female part anyway. It’s a perfect match!”“ Uh… but… ”

“Why are you acting like this with me?” Chassy’s face went stiff with displeasure.

“Can’t you help tutor me just a little?” “N-no, it’s not that, it’s just-”

“Is Chassy so disgusting to you that all you can do is refuse? Honestly, can’t you even be Chassy’s friend?”

“It’s not like that, Chassy. I can be your friend,” I said weakly. When Chassy played this card, I didn’t know what to say. Chassy grinned instantly, sliding a hand down to grip my wrist instead of just holding my arm.

“In that case, let’s go!” “Let go.” It wasn’t my voice. It wasn’t Chassy. It was P’Jane’s. Moreover, the tall figure had clamped his right hand over Chassy’s wrist. In that moment of confusion, the icy voice spoke again.

“Let go of Jane. Now.””… I won’t let go!” “… ““ Ow!” Chassy cried out as that heavy hand squeezed her wrist and forcefully swiped it away from mine. Then, to my horror, P’Jane lunged forward, grabbing Chassy by the collar and pinning the larger but weaker body against the wall.

“Can’t you see Jane is uncomfortable? Why are you doing this?”” Screeeech! Let me go! I can’t breathe!” “P’Jane, that’s enough! Let Chassy go!”

“How can you be so shameless? You see clearly that the other person doesn’t want to do it. How can a human be this stupid?” “Hic… Let-let me go!” P’Jane’s questions weren’t just meant to pick a fight. Although they were fueled by a burning rage, they were also full of genuine confusion at Chassy’s stupidity. Many times, I feel like P’Jane isn’t from this world because he’s too smart. Consequently, if he doesn’t understand a person, he simply hates them. Just like he was doing right now.

“And more importantly, can’t you see his boyfriend is standing right here? Why do you keep asking for this nonsense? Huh?” “P’Jane, stop! Chassy just… just didn’t know any better!” Yeah, that’s the phrase!

“She just didn’t know better! Let her go, please. I’m asking you.” I desperately needed an explanation to calm P’Jane down, because Chassy’s face was turning blue from lack of air. Her legs were kicking wildly, struggling for survival. Even though P’Jane was leaner than Chassy, he was much stronger. I hadn’t seen him this angry in a long time-not since I tried to run away with P’Win. “P’Jane! I said let him go! Please!” I jumped up and tried to pull his hand off Chassy. But I immediately felt myself being shrugged off. At the same time, he swung his dominant fist and landed a punch with a loud BANG. The thunderous sound echoed through the entire floor. I covered my mouth to stifle a scream. Chassy slumped to the floor like a soft bolster. P’Jane’s fist remained buried in the wall, just inches from where Chassy’s ear had been a second ago. He pulled his hand back and turned to look at me with an expression that left me speechless. I heard the bones in his hand crack. Chassy wasn’t physically hurt because the punch missed, but she was likely so terrified that she couldn’t even stand up. I immediately ran after the tall figure who turned and walked away from the scene.

“Calmed down yet?” I asked P’Jane, who was standing on the university lawn smoking a cigarette. Even though the sky was dark and there were mosquitoes everywhere, I didn’t complain. I let him stand there and process his mood. Lately, I’ve started to understand him more. When he doesn’t understand people, he needs time. When he’s angry, he needs time too. And regarding his “evil” side-he isn’t malicious for no reason. If you don’t strike him first, he absolutely won’t strike back. P’Jane crossed his arms, tilted his head back, and exhaled a long silver plume of smoke from his nose toward the sky. I looked at his strong neck and the prominent Adam’s apple. It’s just a body part, but strangely, it looked as beautiful as a piece of art. His jet-black hair almost blended into the night sky. Every movement of his was impressive, even when he blinked slowly. I could tell he had cooled down a lot. I lowered myself to sit on the bright green grass, leaning back on my hands comfortably. I spoke while looking up at the starless sky.

“You know, P’Jane… the longer we know each other, the more you aren’t at all like I first imagined. In many ways.” He lowered himself to sit beside me and turned to look.

“How so?” I shrugged.

“I used to think you were a calm, kind person. You look like that from the outside.” He smiled until his eyes became crescents. “Actually, I’m a hot-headed person.

I’m just very good at hiding it.”” I figured.” His calm, wicked expression was absolutely chilling. His icy exterior usually makes people think he’s cold-blooded, but as I’ve learned… he’s actually a ‘cold fire.’

“You know your anger is terrifying? When you get mad, it’s like… Boom. You explode with an anger that no one can do anything about. Do you think you can fix that part of yourself?” He only offered a wide smile, saying nothing. I continued.” To be honest, I don’t really like it when you’re like that.”

“Then the fix is simple.”

“How?”

“Don’t make me angry.” I turned to meet his eyes, speechless. Honestly, I wanted to curse at him. Instead of fixing his own temperament, he expected others to fix it by “not making him angry”? What kind of human being was he? He tilted his head with a teasing smirk.

“I’m usually not someone who gets angry easily anyway. So, just don’t trigger it.” I turned my face back to look straight ahead.”… Whatever you say.”

“I only dare to explode like that in front of you because you aren’t ‘someone else’ to me,” he added.

“I want to be my true self with you. Can I be?” I looked at him again. We held eye contact for a long time before l gave no verbal answer, instead resting my head on his left shoulder. P’Jane silently extinguished his cigarette.

“I don’t like being angry either. Not at all. You should know that. But I think that person went too far.” He spoke while using his free hand to wave away mosquitoes for me.

I gave a small hum of acknowledgment.

“From now on, Chassy probably won’t dare bother me again. Like, ever.”

“Can I ask you something?” P’Jane said.

“Sure, go ahead.” He looked at me with shimmering eyes.

“Do you dislike Chassy because he’s a transwoman? Because of his skin, his body, or what?”

“None of those things. I’ve never thought of myself as superior to anyone. I’m not someone who discriminates against gender or identity. I could be friends with Chassy without a problem. But the reason I don’t like Chassy is because she harassed me, my friends, and my family.”

“Hmm. I see.” He smiled , appearing very satisfied with my attitude and answer.

“Let me see. Does your hand hurt?” For many minutes, I simply leaned against his shoulder while he kept the mosquitoes away. We let the warm silence deepen the bond between us without needing to say a word. We let it become like a thread weaving our hearts together, pulling us tight. And even though I knew deep down that this wasn’t “real”-that our relationship was built on conditions from the start-it wasn’t a dream either. So, why shouldn’t I indulge in it? I looked up at his face, at those slightly wicked eyes, his sharp nose, and his perfectly shaped, full lips. Inside that handsome skull was a brain unlike any other. The cool scent of his body mixed with the smell of tobacco made him seem utterly perfect. He’s a man who cheated the whole world just to be born this way. At that moment, I couldn’t resist pressing my lips against his in a soft kiss, which he returned fervently. The air had already warmed up again, typical for Thailand where “winter” only lasts a moment, even in December. It was humid and muggy-perfect weather for mosquitoes and bugs.

But neither of us wanted to leave this lawn.

“Hello… ?” My naked body felt heavy with sleep as I reached for my phone on the nightstand around 12: 30 AM.

[Oh, are you asleep already? You’re in bed early. Sorry!]

“No, I’m just groggy,” I rubbed my eyes. After being with P’Jane, I’d drifted right off. P’Jane had too.

“Is something wrong, Sherry? You can talk.”

[We just wanted to ask if you’re really not going to Japan with us. Sigh, I want the whole gang to be there. I really can’t let it go, so l called to ask one more time. ]

“Yeah, I probably can’t make it, Ry. I really don’t have the money.”

[Ugh, I feel so bad that everyone is going and we’re leaving you in Thailand alone. How about I cover you first?]

“Hey, no way.”

[I really can cover you! You can pay me back slowly whenever you have it. No interest. Just come with us. You can even pay me back after we graduate. ]

“Ry, thank you so much for the kindness. You’re a damn good friend. But don’t do that. I’d feel too guilty. I’ll be fine here.”

[But you’re the type to get lonely. You’re going to see the photos and get all ‘noir’ later. ]

“There’s nothing I can do. Jus go. Don’t worry about me.”

“What’s going on?” a raspy voice asked.

“Nothing, P’Jane. Go back to sleep,” I whispered to the tall figure who had reached out to pull me into a hug. My talking must have woken him up.

[Ooh! Are you getting cozy with P’Jane? Sorry! We’ll talk tomorrow. Bye!]

My friend hung up after a quick goodbye. P’Jane tightened his grip around my waist and kissed my side softly. God, that tickled.

“What was that about?”

” Sherry called to ask if I’m really not going to Japan.

That’s all.”

“What Japan trip?” He propped himself up on the bed, looking curious as he switched on the amber bedside lamp. Oh, that’s right-I had never told him about this trip. I gave him a brief summary, including the fact that this trip was the original reason I took the part-time job at the cafe. But since I’d used all my money to pay off the interest for Jet, I obviously couldn’t go. I told him I’d already given up on the idea. There was nothing to be done.

“How long are your friends going for?”

“A week. Ugh, a week feels like forever.”

“And what are the dates?” I told him the dates. P’Jane nodded understandingly and then said:” Go with your friends. I’ll pay for it.”

“Wh-Huh?! No! Don’t be crazy,” I cried out in shock. But P’Jane continued calmly.

“Go. It’s the end of the semester. It would be good for you to relax.”

“What about you? Are you coming too?”

“Probably not. I have to work.”

“Right. I understand.” The school break was a golden opportunity for P’Jane to work full-time.

“The point is, you’re going with your friends. Tell Sherry tomorrow.””… ”

“Go,” he said, stroking my head as I looked at him with a conflicted expression. His handsome face wore a gentle smile.

“I want you to go. Really.” “Don’t overthink it. I don’t have a hidden agenda. I just want you to truly relax.” I finally gave a slow nod before looking at him.

“But what about you?”

“What about me?”

“If I go, you’ll be all alone.”

“So?”

“Won’t you be lonely?””… ”

“Who will you eat with?” “… ”

“Who’s going to look after you?” I looked into his eyes, asking the questions straight from my heart. As we knew, he didn’t really have “friends.” He only had people with whom he exchanged benefits. If I wasn’t here, who would he be with? P’Jane went perfectly still as he looked at me. His eyes wavered slightly, though it might have just been the lamp light. I didn’t understand what he was feeling, but I decided to push on.

“Or are you going home to stay with your mom?”

“Don’t worry about me,” he said, ruffling my hair so hard my face almost hit the pillow after a long silence.

“I have my ways.”

“Then… let’s go on a trip together sometime. Just you and me.””… ”

“When you’re free and I’m free.” He gave a wide smile-wider and brighter than the amber lamp above the bed. He nodded.

“Let’s do it. When we’re both free, let’s go together.”

“Brrrr! It’s so cooooold! ~ ~”

“This is so refreshing!”

“Hey, look! My breath is turning into mist. Putt, Jane, look!”

“Look at it yourself,” Putt grumbled, hugging his arms and shivering violently. He was bundled up in a down jacket that made him look like the Michelin Man. He’s always been sensitive to the cold. Even though he went to high school in Canada and always tells us stories about their brutal winters, I honestly don’t know how he survived living there for years being this much of a wimp about the cold. “Oh! Khing, look! That’s the mascara everyone on Twitter says is amazing!”

“Omigod! It’s totally sold out in Thailand, right? Quick, run!” “Let’s go! Let’s buy out the whole stock!” The two girls, wrapped in their winter coats, dashed into a cosmetics store. Since arriving in Shibuya, they had been on a frantic, unstoppable shopping spree for makeup and clothes. It fell on the rest of us to lug around their heavy bags. As for the three of us guys, we weren’t big on shopping. We bought some clothes, but nothing like the bulk hauls Namkhing and Sherry were doing. Gap was the only one who spent a significant amount, mostly on a new camera lens, while Putt preferred luxury brands at the Duty-Free shops rather than browsing random stores. Putt is a “High-So” (high society) type with expensive taste, but he isn’t fussy or difficult to be around. Even though I’m much poorer than him, he never makes me feel awkward. As for me? I’m all about the food. Besides the plane ticket, P’Jane gave me pocket money. Since I love eating, most of my cash went toward a food tour of every place we stepped foot in. My friends joked that I’d gain at least three kilograms this trip. It’s only the third day, and we have many more to go; at this rate, I might gain five. There are still so many things I haven’t tried: Wagyu beef, fresh oysters, famous ramen spots, and desserts like soft-serve ice cream and cheesecake. While Gap and Putt slipped away for a “warm-up” smoke and the girls continued their madness in Matsumoto Kiyoshi, I pulled out my phone. Jane: We’re in Shibuya now. It’s crazy cold today, P’Jane. It’s only 2degrees. I sent my “report.” I didn’t expect him to read or reply immediately since I knew the time difference and how busy he was. I just wanted to tell him about my day-where I went, what I ate. Even though he already knew our itinerary, I sent him a flood of photos anyway. I wanted him to be part of my life without him having to ask. Usually, we are together all the time, and being away from him made me feel unexpectedly lonely. I wanted to do whatever it took to feel like we weren’t so far apart. Jane: Darling. Jane: I miss you. Wait, what did I just send?! Unsend! Better unsend!! I panicked and hit the “unsend” button on the last two messages. I’d let my emotions get ahead of me without thinking. God, how could I just tell him that so directly? How embarrassing.

“We’re back!” Namkhing shouted .

She and Sherry each hauled another bag of cosmetics. Gap immediately groaned.

“Are you guys still shopping? When are we actually going to see the sights?” “Hmph! We’re done. Let’s drop these at the hotel and head to the temple. Move out, troop!” Sherry commanded, and the five of us finally changed locations. The exhaustion from walking and shopping meant that by the time we got back to our accommodation, our bodies were aching. To make matters worse, the sun had set hours ago, making the air bitingly cold. We all walked with our arms tucked in, teeth chattering, moving as fast as a race just to get back inside. Once we arrived, the guys and girls split into our respective rooms to rest. Our goodbyes were mumbled and weary. Sherry and Namkhing shared a room, while the three of us guys shared one to save money. Our place was a traditional Japanese Ryokan, so there were no beds-only futons. The room was several tatami mats wide, though I didn’t know exactly how many because… well, I didn’t count. Everyone took turns showering, starting with Gap. By the time he came out, he changed and crawled straight into his futon, falling asleep before the lights were even off. Within ten minutes, his light snoring signaled he was in a deep slumber. Putt was busy gathering a small skincare set to use after his turn. I was the last to wash up. By the time I finished, the lights were off. I used the light from the bathroom to get dressed and then lay down beside my two friends. However, my traitorous heart kept racing, thinking of someone far away from Japan. No matter how many times I tossed and turned, I couldn’t sleep. I was anxious about the LINE messages he hadn’t read or replied to. I decided to sit up from my futon and sighed to vent my feelings. Looking over, I saw that both of my friends were fast asleep. I quietly got up, took off my pajamas, and threw on the hotel yukata over my body. I grabbed a towel, intending to soak in the hot Onsen to relax before trying to sleep again. The Ryokan staff had mentioned the onsen was open 24 hours. The Onsen was indoors, but it had a large glass window that overlooked a beautifully manicured Japanese garden. I could see the artistically placed stones and the trees now laden with white snow on their branches. I stood admiring the view for a long moment before looking down at the water. It was so hot that milk-white steam billowed up, looking like dry ice. They say Onsen water usually sits between 40-44 ℃. I took off my yukata, standing naked save for the key-shaped necklace around my neck. It swayed as I hung my towel. I rinsed off before dipping my ankles into the hot water to adjust, then slowly submerged my whole body. The intense warmth flooded over me. Scientific principles at work, the key pendant floated on the surface. I felt my circulation improve and the day’s fatigue melt away. My mood shifted into a state of miraculous relaxation. At this late hour, there was no one in the Onsen but me. The large public bath had become a private one. It was perfect; I wanted to soak and think without being disturbed or disturbing anyone else. Plus, I didn’t have to be self-conscious, though Japanese people generally don’t stare at others’ bodies in an Onsen anyway. I leaned my head back against the edge of the pool, letting my thoughts float away in the air. I inhaled the sulfurous scent of the minerals. The hotel staff had proudly told us their spring was one of the top 100 in Japan, full of minerals beneficial for the skin. We had been so busy sightseeing that we usually collapsed into bed as soon as we got back, never getting a chance to soak-and we were moving hotels tomorrow night. As I lay there daydreaming, I jumped at the sound of the sliding door opening. I let out a yelp when I saw who it was. “Oh, Putt.” It was my tall friend. I was bewildered and confused; I’d just seen him dead to the world in his futon. Putt was also in a hotel yukata. He walked over, hung up his towel, and stripped off his yukata just as I had. “I thought you were asleep,” I said. Putt turned on the shower to rinse off before entering the pool.” t was, but I heard you leave, so I woke up.” “Oh, sorry.”

“It’s fine. I heard you come out and figured you were going for a soak, so I followed you,” he said, ruffling his hair.

“Whoa, tone it down, man. That hair-ruffling looks like a shampoo commercial,” I teased. He turned and smiled at me. “Am I handsome?”

“Yes, father. You’ve been handsome for a long time.” Putt just gave a low chuckle. He washed his face vigorously, then jumped into the pool with a massive splash.

“Shit! It’s hot! My eggs are cooked!!” he yelled. I was startled.

“What the hell are you doing? You think this is a waterfall? Why didn’t you soak your feet first? You’re going to get lightheaded, you idiot! Get out!” “Too late, I’m in,” Putt said with a grimace.

Sweat broke out along his hairline. His face and neck turned bright red because he hadn’t let his body adjust to the temperature. God, if he faints in here, I’m the one who’s going to have to drag him out for first aid. I splashed water at him.

“You idiot.”

“Yeah, sorry,” he laughed as he began to adjust, paddling around.” Whew, this actually feels great.”

“Ugh, look at you swimming like it’s a pool at home. It’s for soaking.” “Don’t nag, Shorty. You sound like my mom.”

“You calling me a nag?”

“See? You’re so sensitive, Jane. Always getting moody,” he splashed water back at me. I ducked and pouted. “Whatever. I’m not moody.”“ Good.” It was actually nice having Putt there; I had someone to talk to. While being alone with my thoughts is fine, it also makes my mind wander way too much.

“What are you doing?” I asked Putt, who had waded over to the other side of the pool. He turned back with a small cup in his hand, a smirk showing off his canine teeth.

“Sake. Want some?” “Hey, are we allowed to drink in here?” “I don’t know. I brought it in anyway.”

“I don’t think we’re supposed to,” I said hesitantly, my common sense telling me it was probably against the rules.

“Hey, I’ve seen Detective Conan-Kogoro Mouri always drinks sake in the Onsen.”

“That’s a cartoon, Putt, you moron.”

“It’s in Japanese movies, too.”

“That’s the movies… ” “I say it’s fine. Trust me. Anime reflects the culture.” “But… ” “Here. One shot.” I took the small cup from Putt. He clinked his glass against mine, forcing me to drink. Fine, whatever-one cup won’t hurt. Besides, I should drink it quickly before a drop falls into the bath. The smooth, slightly sweet taste of the sake lingered on my tongue, inviting more. Before I knew it, both Putt and I were getting louder and laughing more. But the combination of alcohol and hot water was making my head spin. I decided I should stop.

“What? Giving up already?” “Yeah, I can’t handle it. I’m dizzy,” I said with a wide smile, placing the cup on the edge. I looked over and saw Putt watching me. He put his glass down, then picked up the entire bottle and chugged it. I burst out laughing. “You’re such a drunk!”

“Not cool?”

“Sure, cool I guess. I don’t know, I’m not one of the girls in your ‘stock.’” “What ‘stock’?” “Don’t play dumb. Everyone knows you’ve got girls lined up.” “I never force anyone, man.”

“Sure, sure. Mr. Bad Boy, handsome, rich, nice car… Life is truly great for Prince Putt, isn’t it?!” I teased him loudly and splashed water in his face. Putt wiped the water away with his free hand, set the bottle down, and leaned against the edge. The alcohol was clearly hitting his bloodstream, but I knew his tolerance-he wouldn’t get drunk that easily.

“So, what brought you to the bath alone in the middle of the night?” Putt asked suddenly.

I leaned my head back, my voice sounding dreamy.

“Just had things on my mind. Too much thinking leads to no sleep. That’s all.”

“About P’Jane?” “… Yeah.” “You’ve been… ‘ staying’ with him for a while now.” I didn’t notice that Putt avoided the word “dating” and used “staying together” instead. I just nodded and gave a soft hum in response.

“So, what have you found out about him?” “Found out what?”

“Everything. His secrets, his background. Why he was kicked out of Harvard. All that stuff. You’re living with a dangerous man; you should have information to blackmail him back, to protect yourself, for your own safety.”

“Putt… to be honest, I don’t really care about those things anymore.””… ” “I don’t want to think about it.””.”

“And I don’t want you to keep pressuring me to do it, either.” “… “” I still want to know those things about him, but not in the way l did before. Now… I want to learn him.” “… ”

“I want to know what made him this way. What his wounds are, and if there’s anything I can do to help. I want to know everything about him, but if he doesn’t want to tell me, I don’t want to force it. I just want to be his peace. I want to be everything to him.” The alcohol in my blood pushed me to say exactly what I was feeling, without a filter. “Like right now… I just… I miss him.”

“I miss him so much, Putt.” I didn’t even realize I was crying until the tears were already streaming down my face. I didn’t know if I was drunk or emotional or both. My breath was hot and smelled of sake. “I don’t know when it started, but I can’t stop thinking about him. Sitting, eating, sleeping-I think of him. What he’s doing, where he is… I’m worried. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but… my heart feels like it’s breaking, Putt.”

“My heart is breaking too, Jane.” “Putt… ?” I was startled out of my daze when I realized how close Putt had gotten to me. I saw a look of excruciating pain in his eyes, which were glazed from the sake. I gasped as my friend’s hands reached out and pulled my naked body flush against his. “Putt… ”

“Jane, my heart is breaking too.” “Putt, listen to me. You’re drunk on that sake. You’re not thinking straight. Let me go.” I tried to handle it as gently as possible, even though I felt his body wasn’t going to cooperate.” Jane.”

“Putt, let go. We’re friends.”

“I love you, Jane.” “… I love you too. We’re friends. Best friends. I love you the same way I love Gap. The three of us are a trio, remember?” “I love you.” The dead-serious look on Putt’s face made me swallow the rest of my words.

“Can’t it really be me?” “You’re with him… but can you just not give him your heart?” Putt pulled me closer, pinning me against the other side of the pool. I looked into his eyes, speechless.

“Can you just… not love him?””… ”

“Can you… Jane?” I looked at my friend’s eyes, feeling my heart ache at his words. My nose and eyes stung as if I were about to cry. Suddenly, I felt the warmth of his lips pressing against mine as he kissed me softly.

“Just once, Jane? Please?” Putt’s whisper was shaky, pleading… begging. I turned my face away because I understood exactly what he was asking for. But Putt was stronger; he forced my face back to receive his kiss again, whether I was willing or not. “Mmm… ”

“Just once, Jane… let me love you… ”

“Putt, don’t… ” I tried to push him away, but Putt began trailing kisses down to my shoulder, sucking at the skin until it left a red mark. I felt a sharp sting. My heart sank.

“Let me go.”

“Jane, stop. Don’t make me hurt you.” “You’ve lost your mind, Putt! Let me go right now!” I thrashed until the water splashed everywhere. I managed to wrench one arm free and used my fist to uppercut Putt’s chin with all my might. Putt recoiled from the force of the punch. I immediately tried to climb out of the pool to escape.

“Jane, where are you going?!”

“Let me go! Let me go, you piece of shit!” Putt grabbed me from behind and dragged me back into the water. I submerged, coughing and sputtering as I struggled to get away. The fight between two men grew more intense. One desperate to escape, the other using force for what he wanted. No. I would never give in to Putt. I couldn’t see him as anything other than a friend. And now, even that friendship was dissolving with every second he held me back. I knew he was too drunk to control his instincts, but this was unacceptable in any way. I fought like a wild horse, splashing so much that the water level in the Onsen dropped by half. But then, a heavy blow struck my stomach. My eyes flew wide, and I stopped fighting instantly, as if a button had been pressed. I went still, doubling over in pain after Putt punched me in the gut. I couldn’t resist anymore. Putt slowly moved me to lean against the edge after successfully subduing me. He panted, exhausted from using so much strength. Then, Putt climbed out of the bath and used both arms to hook under my pits, hauling my body onto the dry floor. I lay there curled on my side. Putt crawled over me and whispered softly: “I love you. I only ask for this once, and then I ‘Il keep it in my heart forever.” I let the tears stream over my heart and down my cheeks, knowing finally that I had no way to fight Putt’s strength anymore. I thought of Putt’s words echoing in my brain as his hands wandered over my body. The throbbing pain from my stomach spread through my entire frame. Can I just not love P’Jane? How could I ever do that? When even now, the only thing I can think about is his eyes. How much would those eyes ache if he knew what was happening to me? And the only person I want to show up and save me right now is him. Only him… The birds sang in the morning like a melody. The sky today was a bright blue, contrasting with my heart, which was darker than ever.” Jane, get up. Let’s go eat.” Gap nudged me with his foot as I lay there. I bit my lip and sat up, feeling listless and drained of any will to live. The feeling in my chest was so heavy it felt like it would explode. I looked over and saw Putt still fast asleep on the futon next to mine. Gap, already in his sweater, went over to wake Putt up.

“Wake up! What’s wrong with you guys? No one is getting up today. If it weren’t for me, you’d sleep until noon and the girls would be screaming their heads off,” Gap grumbled like a bear as he busied himself putting on his winter gear.

“I’m going to change first,” I said as Putt groggily sat up. I disappeared into the bathroom. After changing, I came back out. I jumped slightly when I ran into Putt, who was standing outside the bathroom yawning. We locked eyes for a split second before I ducked under his arm to grab a scarf from my suitcase without saying a word. I went down to join Gap and the girls, who were waiting for breakfast. “Ugh, is Putt going to be the last one down every single day?” “Take it easy, he’s coming. Don’t be so grumpy, Ry,” Gap said .

“Once we finish breakfast, we need to get back and pack so we can check out by 11: 00 AM. No one forgot, right?” Namkhing reminded us. Everyone nodded. Namkhing looked at me with a strange expression, then reached out and pressed her hand against my forehead. “Are you okay, Jane? You look terrible this morning.” “No, I’m just tired. Don’t worry, Khing,” I forced a smile. I wanted it to be a wide one, but it came out crooked.

“Really? You’re so pale.”

“Jane has allergies,” Gap added , knowing me longer than anyone.” Whenever he hits cold weather, he gets sick.

He’ll take some medicine tonight, use his nasal spray, get some rest, and he’ll be fine tomorrow. Trust me.” “Oh, I see.” “Well, look who finally graced us with his presence!” Sherry shouted as Putt finally joined the group after keeping us waiting for several minutes. “Let’s go, I’m starving.” I didn’t look at Putt as he walked at the back of the group.

Our group left the Ryokan to find breakfast. The cold air hit my face, and as an allergy sufferer, I sneezed twice.

“Whoa, sneezing like that… you’re definitely in for some trouble, Jane,” Gap joked. Don’t be stupid. “Jane.”

“What is it, Sherry?” I asked my friend, who had suddenly stopped walking, her voice trembling. “Look over there.” Sherry pointed a gloved finger ahead. I followed her gaze and froze in shock at the sight of something I never expected. A tall figure in a black coat and a matching scarf turned around and smiled at me. The image felt like slow motion-as breathtakingly beautiful as ever. But this time, it didn’t give me that warm, fuzzy feeling. Instead, it made my heart race so hard I broke into a cold sweat despite the freezing air. The figure had both hands tucked into his coat pockets, a smile on his face while the rest of us stood there in disbelief, unsure if this was real or a dream. He met my eyes and greeted me in that deep, seductive voice of his.” I… ” Why… ?

“I came to find you.” How is he here… ?

“Didn’t you say you missed me?”