Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 31

You may be poison but you sure as hell taste like honey

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I was in such shock that I could feel a deathly chill sweeping from my head to my toes. Black death was within arm’s reach. I couldn’t believe this was actually happening; it felt like a mere illusion. P’Jane? Holding a gun to my head? But despite those thoughts, the cold steel of the barrel pressed against my temple was no hallucination.

Then, the distinct click of the hammer being cocked near my right ear made me feel as though my soul was about to depart my body right then and there.

“I’m serious. This isn’t a bluff.” His deep, husky voice addressed the police. It was a tone so grave that no one would dare think he was joking. I could feel my own pulse racing, a frantic plea to keep living. In that moment, I understood what the fear of death truly felt like. It was a chill more piercing than anything else-a fear beyond comparison.

“Taking a hostage is useless! We have the building surrounded!” a policeman shouted. But P’Jane didn’t flinch. Instead, he pressed the gun tighter against my temple. I felt a single tear escape from one eye. If he pulled the trigger, I would become a lifeless corpse in an instant.

“Don’t come any closer,” P’Jane barked.

“Or this kid is a dead body.”

“Don’t hurt an innocent person!”

“Let me go,” P’Jane snapped back.

“And no one dies. I know no one is surrounding the building downstairs. I’ve already scouted the area.” BANG! The deafening roar of a shot fired into the air made my body go limp. If his arm hadn’t been locked around my neck, I would have collapsed to the floor.

“I told you I’m serious! Let me go, or the kid dies!”” Alright, alright! We understand. Release the hostage.”

“Put your guns on the ground. Everyone, drop your weapons now!”” Understood!” The four officers slowly lowered their guns as ordered, though their eyes never left the culprit. Then came the next command.

“Kick all the guns toward me,” he growled.

“Turn around now. Everyone get down on the ground! Down! Hands on your heads. Don’t move!” Even in this life-or-death crisis, he was impeccably cautious. His commands were so natural that I couldn’t help but wonder if he had done this before. But I wasn’t in a state of mind to reflect clearly. Four guns were kicked toward us. Finally, the four officers turned and lay flat on the ground with their hands over their heads, showing they were unarmed. P’Jane slowly backed away, dragging me by the neck.

“Good. Like that. Go! Walk, dammit!” He barked the last part at me aggressively. Tears streaming down my face, I forced my legs to move down the stairs, though they barely obeyed. My pace quickened as the gun barrel prodded the middle of my back, constantly rushing me. I was still trembling, consumed by terror and drained of strength, but I had to walk-almost run-out of the fear of dying. Finally, we made it out of the building. P’Jane half-guided, half-dragged my terrified self toward where his car was parked. But then, the unexpected happened. An officer managed to catch up and fired a single, swift, and precise shot. BANG!

“Ouch!” A masculine cry, not my own, echoed through the air. The tall figure collapsed face-first onto the ground. His cap flew off as he hit the pavement hard, his chin splitting open. Blood from both the gunshot wound and his chin splattered like paint. The body convulsed on the ground. P’Jane had been shot. I stood there stunned, paralyzed by layers of shock, unsure of what to do. Then, P’Jane called my name, his voice sounding like it came from a great distance.

“Jane… ”

“Jane… help me… ” But just a moment ago, he had a gun to my head… ” Jane… help me.” I shook my head violently and knelt to support him before anyone could catch up. I draped his arm over my shoulder and hauled him toward the car. P’Jane couldn’t move quickly after being shot in the left pelvis, but he tried his best to move as fast as possible to evade the police. He gritted his teeth as he unlocked his car and shoved the keys into my hand. His voice was cracked, sweat beading on his forehead.

“Take it… ”

“Where do we go!?”

“Anywhere! Just go, Jane!” I was frantic, scrambling to open the car and shoving him into the passenger seat before running around to the driver’s side. My hands were shaking uncontrollably; I didn’t know what to do next, and I knew nothing about driving a Mercedes. I didn’t even know where to put the key.

“Go, Jane. Fast.” P’Jane reached out and pressed the start button for me, his face pale from blood loss. I, who wasn’t a strong driver, backed the car out precariously to escape the police. I was shivering as I drove aimlessly. I couldn’t think of where to go or what to do. My brain only told me to keep driving for now. A cry of pain erupted from him when I turned sharply, jarring his wound. I panicked at the amount of blood soaking the seat and the ghostly paleness of his face.

“What do I do! What do I do!” I was in a total frenzy, terrified he would die. Looking at the roadside, there was nothing but fields. I had no idea where I had driven to. The police sirens were not far behind.

“I… I have to call an ambulance.”

“Call them for what? So the police can throw us in jail? Just drive!” P’Jane yelled through his pain, sweat covering his face. I had never seen him this frustrated, except for that time I sneaked out with P’Win. Normally, he was calm and in control of everything. Seeing him lose his composure like this made me fully realize we were in an uncontrollable situation, and he was likely furious at how annoyingly naive I was. P’Jane might seem laid-back on the surface, but he was actually a perfectionist. He liked everything he did to be flawless. Usually, he was the man who held everyone and everything in his grip. But now that everything had gone wrong, he was driven nearly mad with rage. I cried as I drove aimlessly. A veil of tears made it almost impossible to see the road. With no one to comfort me, I only wailed louder.

“What are you crying for? How is that going to help?”

“But I’m scared!”

“Control yourself! What can you do if you lose your mind? Crying won’t bring anyone to help!” Even in agony, he shouted his lecture out of frustration.

“I’m scared! Do you hear me? I’m scared! I’m shaking all over!”

“Don’t be emotional! I used to tell you this, remember our first rule? Don’t be too emotional. It can’t help anything!”

“I’m not strong like you! I’ve never been in a situation like this! I had a gun pointed at my head, saw someone get shot right in front of me, and now I’m running from the police! Sob Dad, Mom, help me! I’m scared, I’m scared!”

“Fuck! What’s the point of calling your mom and dad? Are they around or something? I am the one who’s supposed to be crying, not you! Why don’t you figure out what we should do? Ouch!” P’Jane roared in his native tongue when he could no longer fully control his emotions. The effort of shouting only made his wound hurt more. He groaned in pain while clutching the gunshot wound.” Then what do you want me to do? Tell me! What do you want me to do!?”

“Damn!” P’Jane cursed, realizing I definitely couldn’t help him now. My current state irritated him immensely. He was dying, yet I had no composure and couldn’t do a thing to help. He was the only one who could think for himself. P’Jane closed his eyes as his consciousness began to fade. He muttered, no longer having the strength to shout.

“Lose the police first. Drive the fastest you’ve ever driven in your life.”

“P’Jane… P’Jane, don’t pass out! Sob P’Jane!”

“Ugh… I won’t.” He spoke as if to reassure me, even with his eyes closed and his voice faint.

As time passed, his face grew whiter. I floored the accelerator, scraping against curbs, the sound ear-piercing because of my unskilled driving and lack of focus. But eventually, the police cars were no match for the speed of the top-tier Mercedes. After twenty minutes, I no longer heard the sirens.

“We lost them, P’Jane! What now? P’Jane!”

“Find a cheap hotel… a curtain motel that won’t care about guest records,” he answered breathlessly, eyes squeezed shut.

“Okay.” Finally, I brought him to a motel. I paid the fee and told the staff not to interfere-we would handle things ourselves. Then I hurried to help P’Jane out of the car. By then, he could barely move the lower half of his body. P’Jane lay face down, head turned to the side, panting on the bed. His pale, sweat-slicked face was reflected in every mirror of the motel room. He pulled out his phone, unlocked it, and gave me an order.

“Call someone named Ram.”

“What?”

“Call the person named Ram. Just do it!”

“Okay, okay.” I searched for the contact saved as ‘Ram’ with trembling hands. The signal rang until the very end of the line. I was about to cry again, thinking no one would answer, but finally, a man’s voice picked up.

[Hey, Jane… ]

“P’Ram, I’ve been shot,” P’Jane got straight to the point, as he was close to passing out.

[What? Where are you right now!?]

“… Where are we? Tell P’Ram! Why are you quiet!?”

“L-L-Love Car Mic Motel in Nakhon Pathom. Room 104,” I answered with a shaky voice, my wits completely gone. P’Jane, who used to be above all emotions, was now livid due to his near-fatal pain and my sheer incompetence. It took a while before I realized that this P’Ram was P’Jane’s cousin-the doctor I had met when I picked P’Jane up from physical therapy that one time.

“P’Ram, tell me basic first aid first. I’m fading.”

[Where were you shot?]

“At… the left hip. From behind.”

[Is someone with you? Check if the bullet passed through or is lodged. I’m coming right now. ]

P’Ram didn’t ask once why P’Jane wasn’t going to a hospital or why he hadn’t notified the police. It meant he likely already knew what his younger cousin did for a living. He seemed to understand his brother’s situation very well.

“Jane… check if the bullet went through or is stuck.” I leaned down to look as P’Jane and P’Ram directed. But the sight of so much blood terrified me, and I accidentally squeezed my eyes shut. The image of the mangled flesh and blood was too gruesome for me.

[So, through or lodged?]

P’Ram pressed.

“I-I don’t know! I don’t dare look!”

“Fuck! Jane, do you want me to die? Is that why you’re being like this!?”

“No, I don’t!” I wailed.

“Then look if it’s through or stuck! Fast!” I braced myself and opened my eyes again. I answered P’Ram breathlessly as the horrific image burned into my mind.

“S-stuck.”

[Okay. Try to find something to stop the bleeding. Do it now. ] I grabbed the hotel’s duvet and pressed it down to stop the blood through my tears.

My hands were shaking so hard I could barely hold the fabric. I shouted back into the line that it was done.

[Okay. I’ll handle the rest. Stay right there. Don’t move Jane anywhere else. Jane! Jane Patrick, listen to me! Don’t fall asleep yet. Little Jane, watch over him. Don’t let him fall asleep!]

Then the young doctor hung up immediately. I kept pressing the cloth to stop P’Jane’s bleeding, not daring to move. But P’Jane’s breathing grew heavier. I knew instantly he was about to lose consciousness.

“P’Jane! P’Jane, don’t sleep! P’Jane! P’Jane! Sob P’Jane!” I screamed his name loudly. P’Jane seemed to startle and tried his best to open his eyelids. I called his name repeatedly like a madman, both shaking him and shouting while crying. Even though I was in a total panic, there was no one to comfort or help me. Why… why did I have to face such a cruel fate? I, who lived my life within the lines, who never hurt anyone or took any risks-why was I in this insane situation? I missed home. I wanted to go back. I couldn’ttake it… ” P’Jane! Sob I said don’t sleep! You can’t die, do you hear me? P’Jane!” I shrieked until my throat burned, just as a knock sounded at the door.

“It’s P’Ram. Open the door.”

“Outside… are there any police?”

“No. Hurry, Jane. Let me in to see him.” I ran to open the door for P’Ram. The tall doctor stepped in immediately, carrying various medical supplies, including a portable X-ray machine. I helped him carry everything into the room and then backed away as P’Jane was placed in the doctor’s hands. A small sense of relief entered my heart, but I still couldn’t stop crying. I was still severely traumatized. P’Jane cried out loudly when P’Ram injected the anesthetic and then operated to remove the bullet from his cousin’s wound. 1 covered my ears with both hands to block out P’Jane’s agonized screams. I don’t know how much time passed before the noise finally died down and P’Ram walked over to me.

“Don’t cry anymore, Jane.”” Hic… ”

“You were very scared, weren’t you? It’s okay now. You’re safe too.” When P’Ram comforted me, I burst into a fresh wave of sobbing. An overwhelming sense of relief washed over me when he said P’Jane would be fine. P’Ram stroked my head and explained, “The bullet was lodged in the left pelvic bone. Luckily, the bone isn’t broken, just cracked. It means he was likely shot from a distance. And luckily, it didn’t hit a major artery or a nerve. Otherwise, it would have hurt much more; you wouldn’t have made it here. Oh, I cleaned and stitched the wound on his chin too. He’ll have another scar on his face, I guess.” P’Ram gave me a thumbs-up, then turned to look at the sleeping P’Jane.

“I gave him a sedative. He won’t wake up for a while-probably until morning. Do you want to take a shower, Jane? I’ll sleep here tonight, and tomorrow I’ll take you both back to Bangkok. Where did you leave the car?”

“I’m going to park it and hide it as P’Jane ordered, P.” P’Ram nodded.

“Okay, then I ‘Il drive behind you so you have a ride back to the hotel. Once Jane recovers, he’ll probably handle things himself.”

“P’Jane… Hic Does he get hurt like this often?” P’Ram laughed, but it was a dry, hollow sound.

“Often. Little wounds all the time. He was shot once before, but that time the bullet passed through.” The young doctor looked at his cousin again and sighed.

“I’m going to end up a ‘back-alley doctor’ and lose my license because of him one day, having to treat him outside of a hospital like this.” I wiped my eyes as P’Ram continued, sounding more like he was talking to himself.

“Can’t be helped… he’s just that kind of person.”

“Why do you have to help P’Jane this much?”

“Well, he’s my brother.”

“But… ”

“And he’s helped me out with a lot of things too.” I fell silent immediately. Besides being relatives, P’Ram was another person who had received help from P’Jane-many times, it seemed. P’Ram patted my shoulder.

“Let him sleep for now. Let’s go hide the car before the police track the scent here. He’s as tough as Iron Man; he’ll befine sleeping alone.” I nodded and followed P’Ram out of the motel room, making sure to lock the door. After driving the Mercedes to hide it in an overgrown field in Nakhon Pathom near the Ratchaburi border, I rode back with P’Ram. I remained unusually quiet, only answering when P’Ram asked something. He didn’t push the conversation, likely knowing how I felt. The feeling of being shattered and terrified still gnawed at my heart. I rolled over in bed, hearing the light snoring of both P’Ram and P’Jane. I was the only one wide awake and unable to sleep in that room. The stale smell of the cheap motel only made me feel worse. I was too weak for what happened today. No, actually-was it right for me to have to risk my life like this in the first place? I lay there thinking all night until I realized the sun was slowly peeking over the horizon. It really shouldn’t have been like this. My peaceful, clean life shouldn’t have hadto encounter something like this. The next day, P’Ram took us both back to Bangkok and gave P’Jane a lot of medicine to take for several weeks-painkillers, anti-inflammatories, and so on. The two men discussed that in about three weeks, the police would likely stop searching for the injured person, and then P’Jane could go to P’Ram’s hospital for a check- up and dressing as usual. But in the meantime, P’Jane wouldn’t be able to live a normal life for a while. Though the bullet luckily missed vital parts, it had cracked his pelvic bone. He had to walk with crutches in pain. As for me, since returning to Bangkok, I had become very quiet. P’Jane himself was still quite ill and didn’t have the energy to interrogate me. Even so, every time I fed him or helped him to the bathroom, he would stare deep into my eyes as if he could see right through me. Those eyes were like an X-ray; he just didn’t say anything. I wasn’t surprised. He was smart-to put it simply, he was many times smarter than me. It wasn’t strange that he could guess my thoughts and my path. From that disastrous day until now, we still hadn’t had a heart-to-heart talk about what really happened. I didn’t know what had gone wrong for him to get caught in a police trap like that, and I didn’t care to ask. I didn’t want to know any more about his work. No-I didn’t want to step any further into his world. P’Jane really must be an “Iron Man” like P’Ram said, because in less than two weeks, he returned to university as usual. Whenever anyone asked what happened, he simply said he had a motorcycle accident. As for the Mercedes I hid, he ordered someone to retrieve it, fix the paint, and change the license plates. The garage said it might take about a month because they had to wait for parts from abroad, to which P’Jane didn’t object.

“Jane, is P’Jane’s motorcycle injury better? I saw him at class,” Gap whispered as we sat in a lecture one afternoon.

I nodded.

“Yeah, much better. He’s proficient with the crutches now.”

“But how did he get into a bike accident? I usually only see him driving a car.”

“It’s good you weren’t on the back that day, or you’d both be hurt. P’Jane looks like he was hurt bad. His face is so thin. He already has deep-set eyes, but this time he looks exhausted. Like his ‘aura’ has dropped, man.”

“Well, he’s been unwell. But are you going for a dramatic award or something?” I couldn’t help but jab back at Gap’s tone when he said ‘aura dropped.’ “Hey, it’s true! Usually, P’Jane’s aura is popping. He radiates this cold sexiness from miles away. This time, his ‘star’ is dim. Everyone feels it. Are you sure it wasn’t something serious?”

“Yeah… I’ve been nursing him. He’s fine,” I answered evasively. I didn’t want Gap to dig deeper. I’m not good at lying and was afraid I’d let something slip. But how could P’Jane’s aura not drop? He got shot. His chin was split. He isn’t actually a devil, even if his radiance suggests otherwise.

“Football this evening? No rain. Or do you have to go see P’Jane?”

“I’m in! P’Jane told me I could go play and have dinner with friends.”

“Good. You need to relax. Looking after a patient is depressing. When I had to look after my grandpa in the countryside over the break-man, I just prayed for my mom to come back from working abroad quickly. I sound like a shitty grandson saying it out loud.” Gap looked guilty.

“I get it. Nursing isn’t a fun job. Don’t think too much about it; everyone feels that way.” I patted my friend’s shoulder.

“As for me, P’Jane isn’t severely hurt anymore. He’s better, so I can go play. Anyway, did you tell Earth to book the pitch yet?”

“Already Line-d him, Mr. Jane.”

“Hey, boys. If you don’t pay attention and ask for my lecture notes later, I won’t give them to you. Stop fidgeting and talking; you’re drowning out the professor.”

“Sorry! ~” Gap and I sang in unison.

“The bone is healing very well,” Ram said , looking at the X-ray results and pointing with a pen for the patient to see.

“Look, in just a few more weeks, it should be fully fused. You might even be back to walking normally. I was right to call you Iron Man. Have you been taking calcium and Vitamin B supplements?”

“Yes. My boyfriend bought them for me,” the patient replied calmly.

“I’ll schedule physical therapy later. Alright, chin up… hmm, the scar on your chin looks good too.” Ram jotted something down on a paper in typical doctor fashion.

“It’s dry. Nothing to worry about now, but it will leave a scar. If you don’t want a scar, consult the aesthetic department; they/ can probably laser it.” Jane Patrick laughed gruffly.

“No thanks, P’Ram. Thank you.” Ram paged a nurse to take the prescription. Once she left, he stared directly at his cousin, asking bluntly now that they were alone.

“What’s the trouble this time?” Jane Patrick let a smirk tug at the corner of his mouth.

“Got backstabbed a bit. But don’t worry, P’Ram, I’ll clear it soon.” He answered casually.

“You know I survived. Just this much is enough to make that person shake with fear. And I never let anyone go.”

“Sigh.” Ram sighed , leaning back in his chair.

“Listen, Jane. I know you’re capable, so I’ll be honest-I’m not worried about you. I’m worried about your boyfriend. Will he be okay? That day, the kid was crying his eyes out, even though he wasn’t hurt. If I hadn’t given him anti-anxiety meds, he probably wouldn’t be sleeping to this day. Little Jane doesn’t look mentally strong at all. If he encounters situations like that often, he could end up with a psychiatric disorder. You studied psychology yourself… ”

“Is that all, P’Ram? Then I’ll go get my medicine. You have other patients waiting.” Jane Patrick interrupted as he stood up to his full height and gripped his crutches. Ram moved to help his brother, but the other waved him off. The tall figure used the crutches to support himself as he walked to the door. At that moment, Jane Patrick turned back to his cousin with a smile-a smile tinged with malice and eyes that looked like the expression of a devil. You could almost see a pair of large black wings sprouting from Jane Patrick’s back.

“Whether he can take it or not, he has to. Because I’m definitely not letting him go.”

“Break! Break! I’m exhausted, dammit!” Gap shouted in the middle of the pitch after we had played non-stop until dark.

Now we were all drenched in sweat, hair messy, looking like a total mess. The offense and defense today were more intense than spicy noodles. I collapsed onto the grass to pant along with the others. Before Chin stood up, Earth called out immediately.

“Hey, Chin! Going for water? Get some for me too!”

“Me too!”

“Me too! I want electrolytes.”

“I’ll take green tea.”

“Is there Diet Coke? Yeah, I saw Jane and Gap buy some and put them in the ice bucket. I want that.”

“You guys are useless!” Chin cursed loudly when it turned out that by standing up, he had to get water for everyone. He scanned the group before stopping at me.

“Jane, you’re coming with me.”

“Aw, me again?”

“Well, you’re sitting closest to me! Do you think I’m a giant with ten hands? I can’t carry it all!”

“Come on, Jane, get up! Don’t you see your friends are thirsty?”

“Yeah, go with Chin, Jane.”

“Fine, fine, fine! You guys… ” I made a face and walked off with Chin. The smell of our combined sweat… well, let’s just say even we were disgusted with ourselves and had to walk with some distance between us. I walked to the ice bucket on the bleachers by the pitch. I leaned down to grab the bottles of water and soda as ordered by my friends, but I was so startled I dropped everything when I heard a soft whisper in my ear.

“Surprise.”

“P’Jane!? Huh??” I turned to find P’Jane standing there smiling, along with his classmates who were helping him carry several high-end, delicious-looking lunch boxes. P’Jane turned to talk to Chin.

“I bought food for all the juniors at the pitch. My treat.”

“O-Oh! That’s awesome, P’Jane!” Chin’s face lit up. He turned to shout at the group huddled on the grass.

“Hey, you lot! Free food! The ‘Little One’s’ boyfriend is treating us!”

“Big Jane!?”

“Yeah! Thai, Western, Japanese-tons of choices! Come on!” A swarm of exhausted and starving young men rushed over like vultures to a carcass. Everyone was ecstatic to suddenly have a free meal. Earth came over as if he were going to bow to P’Jane.

“Thank you so much, P’Jane. I will never forget this kindness.”

“It’s nothing,” P’Jane replied with a slight smile.

“Enjoy. I’ll eat too.”

“Please! Have a seat. Hey, Gap, move up! P’Jane has a hurt leg; how is he supposed to fly over your head?”

“Alright, alright, I’m moving.” P’Jane sat in the spot Gap had occupied. Gap moved to the very top, looking annoyed and wanting to eat his large steak in peace. I grabbed two boxes of Crispy Pork Basil with fried eggs and two bottles of water, as we both liked the same thing. I helped support P’Jane as he sat down, leaning his crutches nearby, and then sat beside him.

“Do I need to feed you?”

“No, I can eat myself. And I know you’d be embarrassed. You don’t like public displays.” I didn’t say anything, just scratched my head. How long had we been together for him to know my personality this deeply… ?

“Anyway… thank you for the food.”

“I told you, it’s nothing.” He smiled warmly.

I couldn’t help but smile back. Even though I didn’t know if there was anything behind that smile, I didn’t want to think too much about it. We ate in silence under the pitch lights and the soft glow of the crescent moon. Then P’Jane started talking.

“Is this place good?”

“It’s very good.”

“I chose a famous shop known for their Crispy Pork Basil because l knew you’d pick this one.”

“And you were right.”

“Jane, about that day… ”

“Which day?”

“I think trying to sweep it under the rug will only make our relationship worse.” He finally spoke directly…

“Jane, won’t you say something?”

“I’m not mad at you anymore. At first I was. But after lying awake for many nights, I realized you did your best in that situation. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have escaped.”

“It was an event I didn’t expect-someone trapping me with the police. I took you with me because I thought you’d be safer with me protecting you. Safer than leaving you in the car alone because I didn’t know what would happen. But I was wrong. It went sideways. I had to make you look as much like a victim as possible; that’s why I did it. I didn’t actually want to hurt you. And at the time, there was no time to explain anything.” I nodded. Even though I had processed it myself, having him confirm it with a sincere voice made me feel much better. Like a withered tree receiving water-it might not be enough to make it bloom immediately, but it was enough to give it the strength to stand tall again.

“I understand now. As for when we were running from the police… I was useless. In a crisis like that, you could have died, but I just panicked. I’m not strong like you. I’m not smart, and I have no wit. How could I think of calling an ambulance? The police would have found us at the hospital,” I scolded myself.

“If it were me who got shot, I would have died right there. I couldn’t have gritted my teeth and survived like you. We grew up in different cultures too. You’re an American kid, fully self-reliant since you were young. I’m a Thai kid; whatever I do, my parents are there to guide and coddle me. That’s why I… just cried… stupid. I need to grow up. I have to become stronger.” P’Jane smiled broadly when he saw that I understood everything without him needing to explain much. He reached out and gently stroked my head.

“I’ll be the support for my clever boy to become strong.” I nodded, my heart thumping as I soaked in the warmth of his palm. But what I didn’t tell him-the words sticking in my chest-were: But if possible… I never want to be in a situation like that ever again. Forget it. It’s over. As long as we understand each other now, that’s enough.

“Did you take your medicine after the meal? You saw P’Ram today; you must have gotten more.”

“It’s in the bag. Get it for me.” I grabbed his bag and put it on my lap. As I pulled out the meds, I thought of something and stopped.

“You should take them yourself. My hands are dirty from the grass and soil. Plus, I’m covered in sweat.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah! Can’t you see? I smell like sweat all over-my face, my hair.” I jokingly flicked sweat from my hair at him. But P’Jane… He leaned down and took a deep sniff, making me shout “Hey!” because my hair was very greasy. P’Jane smiled slightly.

“Doesn’t smell bad. It’s fragrant.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Really. A person like me doesn’t lie. I’ve never lied to you, Jane.” I rolled my eyes. There he goes again… go trick a kid… P’Jane waited for me to shower and change. Then he called a Grab taxi so we could ride together. On the way back to the condo, we chatted about random things.

“What are we going to do about the Social Dance 2 class, P’?” As for me, I could just ask to test with someone else’s partner; it wasn’t a big deal. But if he didn’t test, he wouldn’t graduate-it would be one incomplete subject. Or if he had to withdraw, he’d have to come back next term just for ballroom dancing. It was quite a headache. Yet, he just shrugged casually.

“I think I ‘Il recover in time.”

“Ridiculous,” I countered immediately. Does he think he’s Robocop? He gets shot down and expects to be back ballroom dancing in no time?

“I’m serious. P’Ram said the recovery is going well.”

“I don’t think it’ll be in time.”

“I said it will be, so it will be. Don’t worry too much.” He ruffled my hair gently. I didn’t know what else to say, so l just looked at his leg uneasily. Should he really be moving so much? But he was already walking around on crutches and didn’t seem to be in any real trouble. Or maybe I was just over-worrying.

“We’re here,” the driver said. That made me jump because this place was nowhere near our residence. Yet P’Jane just thanked the driver and told me to get out of the taxi.

“Get out, Jane.”

“But… I don’t know where this is. Are we in the right place?”

“We’re in the right place. Get out,” he insisted. I had nothing to say and stepped out quietly. P’Jane followed with his crutches. He told me to carry his backpack and then led the way. The whole way, P’Jane said nothing. Finally, I couldn’t take it and had to ask.

“Where are we going?”

” You said you wanted to grow and become strong, right?”

“Yes, but… ”

“In the past, I never let anyone into my world.” He looked at me with those same sharp eyes and spoke softly.

“But I let you in.”

“And I want you to be with me. I want you to grow and be strong too.””… ”

“This might be a strong dose of medicine, but you’ll grow, get stronger, and get used to it.” What was he talking about… ? Understanding nothing, I followed him in silence. Finally, we arrived at a place that looked like a large, dilapidated garage. The metal shutter was halfway down, and light spilled from inside. P’Jane didn’t hesitate; he ducked inside, and I followed quickly. The sight before me was a young man sitting with his back to us, repairing a classic car. P’Jane spoke loudly, his voice echoing through the garage.

“Hey, Dan.”

“Jane!?” P’Dan, hearing that voice, was startled as if he had seen a ghost, dropping the screwdriver in his hand. He went pale. P’Jane stepped forward on his crutches, showing no fear for his own condition. He gave a cold smile.

“Hey. Are you that shocked to see me, Dan?”

“Don’t come any closer!” I was completely confused. What was this? Why did P’Jane come to see P’Dan? And why was P’Dan acting so terrified? Most importantly, why was he in this run-down place, as if he were hiding?

“If you come any closer, I’ll really smash your head with this jack, Jane!” P’Jane smirked, not fearing P’Dan’s threat at all. He stepped even closer.

“After trying so hard to hide from me here… did you really think you could escape?” P’Dan looked terrified. P’Jane continued.

“You’ve got a lot of nerve, refusing to meet me and sending the police instead.” I jumped at those words. P’Dan was the one who notified the police? So what illegal or serious thing did P’Jane do for the police to set a trap for him? P’Jane used the end of his right crutch to violently kick a toolbox on the floor, sending tools sprawling with a loud crash.

“Even though I helped you-helped your father before-you still dared to backstab me. Did you think that telling the police I deal drugs would get rid of me?”

“Drug dealing!? Are you dealing drugs!?” I cried out in total shock. P’Jane shook his head while still staring intensely at P’Dan.

“No. But Dan made up a story and forged evidence that led to the police trapping me. You son of a bitch!” He pointed his crutch at P’Dan’s face.

“You think you’re a real cool bastard. You think I will let you go?”

“You won’t survive, Jane!” P’Dan shouted, sweat pouring off him.” Even if you don’t deal drugs, you’ll be caught one day. Someone like you who ruins lives everywhere… someone like you has no place on this earth!”

“Shut up!” P’Jane dropped a crutch and lunged forward, grabbing P’Dan by the collar and slamming him against the wall. P’Dan was no match for P’Jane’s strength, even with the pelvic injury. P’Dan stammered, his voice trembling.

“Jane, I’m sorry! I was wrong, Jane. Forgive me just this once, and I’ll do whatever you want in return.”

“Too late. Your chance is gone!” P’Jane roared. He pulled out a gun with lightning speed. P’Dan and I screamed together. I rushed forward to grab P’Jane’s arm.

“Stop! Stop right now! P’Jane, don’t hurt P’Dan!”

“Get out!” P’Jane shoved me away forcefully. I fell onto the dusty floor and shrieked.

“Is this an uncivilized world where you just kill and maim each other? Can’t you talk? P’Dan said he’s given up!”

“He almost got me killed!” P’Jane turned to me and yelled.

“And he almost got you killed. He almost got us both killed, remember, Jane!?”

“But we’re not dead! Stop it! I’m begging you, don’t do this!”

“Get out! Don’t stop me!”

“P’Jane, don’t! Please! Can’t you forgive him?”

“Forgive?” P’Jane repeated.

“There is no forgiveness in business. He came to me knowing the rules from the start. Did I force him? No. I gave to him, and when the time came, he had to repay me. He flaked, got me shot, and made me run from the police like a dog.” P’Jane cocked the gun, pressing it under P’Dan’s chin. The other man was shaking uncontrollably.

“I told you, didn’t l? If you didn’t show up at the meeting, prepare to die.”

“Jane, I’m scared, I’m scared! I’m sorry! I ‘Il bow at your feet!”

“Suck my dick! There is no chance for you anymore!”

“P’Jane, no! No!!” BANG!

“AAAGHH!!” I put my hands over my mouth as P’Jane fired a precise shot into P’Dan’s left leg without even blinking. P’Dan wailed n agony.

“That’s for making me walk with a limp. And remember-don’t ever think of dodging a debt with me again. Otherwise, I’ll drag your father, you, and your whole family down to hell.”

“Agh! Agh!!” P’Dan continued to howl in pain, blood soaking his left leg.

“Jane, let’s go!” P’Jane barked the command and holstered his gun. He wiped sweat from his face before turning to limp back to his crutches, using them to support himself as he walked out of the warehouse. As for me, I sat there on the floor, drained of all strength, shivering through my entire body. P’Jane’s world was so cruel… how could I live like this? Every day, something new comes. No matter how much I want to grow or be strong, will there ever be a day when I’m truly numb to this? This place is not for me at all. 1: 13 AM. Even after taking two anti-anxiety pills, I was still wide awake. The image of the bullet fired by P’Jane’s hand was still vivid in my brain. The sound of the gun and P’Dan’s cry of pain echoed back and forth like a movie on repeat. I played with my phone in the dark, chatting with friends who might also be awake, and reading articles to try and forget the image. But no matter what I did, it didn’t work. Those images seemed to grow even clearer. I rolled over to look at the man sleeping soundly in the dark. Despite intentionally shooting someone with his own hands, he was still composed and cool. He didn’t spend a second wondering if he was wrong. Because for him, the rule was the rule-a rule whose sanctity no one could break. A rule where if one does not repay when called upon, they must pay with something more than their life. Suddenly, a certain cold sensation attacked my body until I had to hug myself with both arms. Even though P’Dan didn’t die-just got a hurt leg like him-P’Jane had shown what happens to those who try to be tricky after asking him for a favor. And I had no idea how long P’Dan would have to walk with a limp. Did P’Jane hit a vital spot? P’Dan might not be as lucky as P’Jane. He might be disabled for life… Isn’t this the action of a cold-blooded person? Scared… I’m scared… so scared. Again… I got up from the bed silently, unable to endure tossing and turning here.

“Jane… turn up the AC. I’m hot.” Jane Patrick muttered groggily in the dark. He waited for several minutes but didn’t hear the sound of the person beside him fumbling for the remote or moving at all. The tall man’s eyes snapped open.

“Jane… ” No one was lying there. Jane Patrick got out of bed immediately. He limped on his left leg without crutches toward the bathroom, the living room, and the other rooms and the balcony. The clear emptiness made him realize instantly what had happened. He walked-almost ran-to pull open the drawer where he neatly kept his collection of car keys. One slot was empty. The key to a BMW was missing.

[Hello, P’Jane. ]

“Find Jane right now!” the voice shouted authoritatively.

[Yes, sir. Which Jane, P’?]

“Jane, my boyfriend! He ran away!”