Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 48

He hold his shield, protecting himself at his best

While I’m using my sword, trying so hard to break in to his chest

“What about Jamie?” That was the first thing I asked once I snapped out of my daze. P’Jane answered nonchalantly.

“There are plenty of people at the house.” ” But-”

“I’m asking you one last time: are you coming or not?” I hesitated, worrying about Jamie. I wondered if it was right to abandon my duties as a nanny like this, but P’Jane didn’t seem to care about my inner conflict.

“It’s fine. I can go for a drive by myself. I’m heading out then.”

“Wait! I’m coming! Let me just grab my phone and my wallet. Don’t leave yet!” I rushed to get my things. When I reached the garage, P’Jane was leaning against a breathtakingly expensive matte black Mercedes. The color matched the cool, blue aura I always imagined radiating from him. Both the man and the car were a flawless match, especially with him dressed in all black. He unlocked the car with a slight flck of his head.

“Jump in, boy.”

“Okay!” I beamed the entire time, sitting in the passenger seat like a dashboard doll. P’Jane seemed to be in an exceptionally good mood; a wonderful energy filled the car. I thought we’d just drive around the neighborhood and head back quickly, but suddenly, P’Jane’s high-tech console rang.

“Hello, P’Ram.”

[Hèllo, Jane! I’m at your house but you aren’t here. I don’t see Nong Jane either-only Jamie!]

P’Ram’s voice boomed through the car, accompanied by Jamie’s excited chatter in the background. P’Jane checked his watch; it was nearly 11: 00 AM.

“Did you come to see me for something, P’Ram? Do you need help with anything?”

[Not exactly, but I thought I’d invite you guys for a trip to the provinces. Since we missed each other, it’s okay. ]

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’d drop by so suddenly. When are you leaving?”

[Right now! It’s a bit sudden, but my family just thought of it this morning. My mom and dad are in the car already. We’re going to Ranong-soak in the mineral springs, cruise the sea, visit some islands. How’s that sound?]

“It sounds great, but I’m not sure I can… I have work… ”

[That’s fine! But can I take Jamie with me? I promise to take great care of him. ]

Now it was my turn to be shocked. P’Jane glanced at me before speaking to his cousin.

“But his nanny is here with me.”

[Then take the opportunity to let Nong Jane rest for three or four days! Jamie can handle the basics on his own now, can’t he? My parents adore him. Honestly, the main reason they came by was because they wanted to take Jamie along. You know how old people are-they love kids, and Jamie is just so cute. My family promises to look after him like our own brother. ]

“No, don’t… I’m worried about him. Besides, it’s my job to raise him. How can I let someone else do it for four days? If he goes, I have to go too,” I whispered frantically to P’Jane, shaking my head. P’Jane went silent, contemplating, while P’Ram waited on the line. Then, P’Jane said something that made my jaw drop.

“Alright, it’s a deal. But can I have Sai, one of my housekeepers, go along too? She can look after Jamie. She should be nearby.”

[Oh, you want Sai to go? Sure! Hey, Sai, want to come with us?]

[I’m going, Khun Ram!] I heard P’Sai cry out happily.

I heard her chatting excitedly with Jamie. I frowned, feeling uneasy. Was this really okay?

[Okay, Sai is going to pack Jamie’s things now-and her own!]

P’Ram said.

[That’s it then, Jane. I ‘Il bring him back in four days. It’s a long holiday weekend; it’s good for the kid to open his eyes to the world. He speaks Thai well now, there won’t be any problems. ]

“Thanks, P’Ram. I ‘Il leave him in your hands. If he’s stubborn, scold himn. Hard.”

[Jamie is a sweet boy; I doubt there’ll be much to scold. ] P’Jane chuckled.

“You say that now. Stay with him for four days and you’ll see.” P’Ram laughed back.

[Thanks again. My parents are thrilled to have ‘Pumpkin Head’ with them. See you, little brother!]

“Goodbye, P’Ram.” They hung up. I immediately spoke up.

“Is this really okay? Letting Jamie go with other people?”

“What ‘other people’? They’re family.” I wanted to argue that they weren’t technically Jamie’s blood relatives, but I felt it would be rude. It was true that P’Ram’s parents doted on him, constantly sending toys and snacks. They treated him like a grandson because of how much they loved P’Jane.

“Jamie needs to learn to be around others, too-not just a nanny who pampers him. I don’t want to raise him in a typical Thai ‘overprotective’ style. Besides, we don’t know where Dan is hiding in Bangkok. Sending Jamie far away with P’Ram’s family is actually for the best.”

“Oh… that’s true,” I murmured. I hadn’t thought of it that way. I was too busy being a “helicopter” nanny. Wait, am I his nanny or his parent? I realized I loved him far beyond my job description. His own brother wasn’t even as worried as I was.

“Relax, Jane. Jamie will be fine. Let’s just enjoy our own trip.” P’Jane’s voice was calm-his own version of comfort. I watched the scenery fly by. He was picking up speed and heading in a direction I didn’t recognize.

“So… where exactly are we going for this ‘drive’?”

“Us?” P’Jane smirked.

“I think I’d like to see the ocean.”

“The ocean?!”

“Yep.” He shifted gears, still smiling.

“The road is clear. Sit tight.” I stared at the view of the indigo sea meeting the fine white sand with wide-eyed wonder. It had been years since I’d been to the beach. Even if it was just a quick trip near Bangkok, it made me incredibly happy. For the first time in years, I felt a genuine weight lift off my shoulders. No responsibilities, no worries. We stopped for delicious seafood, eating until we were stuffed, and then went for dessert. When I asked why he suddenly wanted to come here, he just shrugged and said, “Everyone needs to relax sometimes.” I agreed a thousand percent. The sun began to dip low, looking like a giant egg yolk sinking into the water. The Mercedes cruised slowly, allowing us to soak in the evening atmosphere. A beautiful English song played, making the moment even more perfect.

“Jane.”

“Yes?”

“Want to catch the sea breeze?”

“What do you-wow!” I cheered as P’Jane retracted the roof completely. The sea air and fresh breeze-something you can never find in Bangkok-washed over us. This was the definition of a “joyride.” I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath of the salty air. I spread my arms wide, feeling like a kid again. I felt a “Peter Pan” level of hype without needing any stimulants. I unbuckled my seatbelt-I wasn’t worried because P’Jane was driving very slowly now. I stood up slightly, cupping my hands around my mouth and shouting cheerfully. People on the beach turned to look; some waved back. The song ended and a new one began. P’Jane, looking just as happy as I was, raised one hand and shouted with a grin: “Alright, guys. Let’s sing my hometown song!”

[BGM: Empire State of Mind-Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys]

“Yeah, I’m out that Brooklyn, now I’m down in Tribeca… ” Right next to De Niro, but I’ll be hood forever I’m the new Sinatra, and since I made it here I can make it anywhere, yeah, they love me everywhere I used to cop in Harlem hola. my Dominicanos Right there uip on Broadway, brought me back to that McDonald’s Took it to my stash spot. 560 State Street Catch me in the kitchen, like a Simmons whippin pastry Cruisin’down ath Street off-white Lexus Drivin’ so slow, but BK is from Texas Me? I’m out that Bed-Stuy home of that boy Biggie Now I live on Billboard and I brought my boys with me Say what up to Ty Ty still sippin Mai Tais Sittin courtside Knicks and Nets give me high fives Nigga, I be spiked out. I could trip a referee P’Jane and I both channeled our inner rappers. We caught each other’s eyes as we rapped along to every word-this song had echoed around the world for years, and we knew it by heart. I stood up in the car, spreading that good energy to everyone around us. P’Jane grinned wide, watching me act a little crazy. I couldn’t believe how well a song about New York fit the atmosphere of the sea. I felt brand new.

“In New York! Concrete jungle where dreams are made of… ” We sang the chorus together, our voices harmonizing. Our eyes sparkled with pure happiness. The sea breeze whipped through our hair. I couldn’t remember the last time P’Jane-or l-had been this genuinely joyful. And I had almost forgotten… just how much happiness I felt when I was with him. By 10: 00 PM, the sky was pitch black. P’Jane pulled over at a massive strip club decorated with flashing neon lights. My head whipped toward him.

“I have to go in and discuss some business for a moment,” he said calmly.

“Wait in the car.” He didn’t give me a chance to protest. He tossed me the keys to the luxury car and headed straight for the entrance. He didn’t have to wait in line; he was welcomed like royalty through a private entrance. This time, I didn’t freeze. I hopped out of the car and hurried after him. The guards blocked me, but I pulled up a photo on my phone-a picture of us from five years ago where he was kissing my cheek. I mimicked P’Jane’s signature “cool and calm” expression.

“I’m with Khun Jane. I’m driving. Here are the keys.” The guards bowed and let me through. Inside, the music was deafening. It was full of women dancing on catwalks and private tables to earn tips from tourists. I finally spotted him at the furthest private table, talking to a sophisticated “older woman” in her late 40s. She looked like a high-class socialite. On their table, a young woman in nothing but a G-string was pole dancing. Any normal man would be excited by this “Full HD” view, but P’Jane remained stoic, discussing business as if the girl dancing on the table were a piece of furniture. Is he a monk? Five years ago, if I even touched him slightly, he’d get worked up. I was genuinely shocked by his self-control. I sat at the bar and ordered a whiskey on the rocks. I watched them.

Eventually, the older woman waved the dancer away. P’Jane handed the girl three bills with a cold expression. Finally, the woman reached out a hand dripping in diamonds for a handshake to seal the deal. But as P’Jane reached out, she pulled him close and pressed a kiss onto his lips. I nearly choked on my whiskey.

Fury flared through me. I slammed my glass down and stormed over, ignoring everyone. The bodyguards tried to push me back.

“Jane!” P’Jane shouted my name.

“Who are you?!” the woman snapped, annoyed. “I’m Khun Jane’s right-hand man,” I snapped back.

“Khun Jane, we have another meeting. Let’s go.” I grabbed his arm and pulled with all my might. To my surprise, he stood up immediately without a word of protest. I dragged him out of the club and into the car. Once we were alone, I exploded.

“A kiss?! You said you were working! How could you just sit there and let her kiss you?”

“When did you start watching?”

“From the beginning!”

“Then you should have seen that I didn’t want it. She pulled me in. What did I do wrong to make you this angry?”

“You-you’re wrong!” I stuttered. P’Jane cocked an eyebrow. He touched my hot cheek.

“Have you been drinking?”

“Don’t change the subject!” I brushed his hand away. The alcohol made me bolder.

“You’re wrong for just sitting there! Who even is she?”

“Someone who wants to eat me alive,” he said deadpan.

“You knew?!”

“Of course. This is our sixth meeting. I’m not stupid.”

“You knew she wanted you and you still let her kiss you? How many times have you done it?”

“Never before. And I didn’t want to kiss her. I told you, I was caught off guard. I wasn’t willing. Don’t you understand? I was shocked too.”

“I don’t understand! And I don’t want to understand! Why are you like this?”

“Jane, what is wrong with you? Why are you hitting me?”” Because I’m jealous, damn it! I’m jealous! Extremely jealous!” The words flew out before I could stop them. I covered my mouth in shock. P’Jane looked just as stunned, though he composed himself faster. A wicked, “Satan-like” smirk spread across his lips-the kind of look that made me want to devour him.

“You’re jealous?” He leaned his handsome, dangerous face closer.” You’re unhappy that someone else kissed me? Then cover the mark.”

“Don’t… ” I whispered, staring into his eyes.

“Don’t dare me, P’Jane.”

“You don’t look brave enough to do anything.”

“I’m not the same person I was before.”

“Is that so? Prove it.” I grabbed his face and crushed my lips against his. Our first kiss in five years was like an explosion of fire. Before I knew it, I had climbed over the center console to sit on his lap. We exchanged tongues, our breath heavy and desperate. I started unbuttoning his black shirt while he yanked my shirt off and threw it somewhere in the back. I could feel his arousal-he certainly wasn’t a “monk” anymore. I bit his jawline, knowing exactly where his weak spots were. He groaned in satisfaction… until I moved down to his neck.

“Jane, stop. Stop. Stop!” I kept going.

“I said STOP!” He shoved me back so hard I flew into the passenger seat. His voice was like a thunderclap. The alcohol left my system instantly. P’Jane covered his face with his hands for five minutes of heavy silence. Finally, he threw my shirt back at me.

“Put your shirt on.” He buttoned himself up, shifted into gear, and drove back to Bangkok in total silence. I felt like I had committed a grave crime. I couldn’t understand why he stopped. When we got home, he slammed his bedroom door. I felt my happiness from the day vanish. I went to my room and cried. Was I being punished? Suddenly, there was a knock. I opened the door. P’Jane was standing there. He didn’t come inside.

“Come out. Let’s talk. Close the door.” I followed him. It was past midnight. His dark eyes met mine, and his voice was terrifyingly calm.

“I think we should draw a clear line. We are employer and employee. Only.” I couldn’t speak.

“If I did anything inappropriate or overstepped in the past, I apologize. It was all my fault. It won’t happen again.” I felt like I had been hit by a truck. He turned to walk away.

“Wait! Who do you think you are?!” I screamed, chasing after him and shoving his chest.

“Why did you do all those things then? Teasing me at my house, wanting to sleep in my bed, inviting me on this drive… was it all just a game to you?

Are you just playing with my heart?” I kept pushing him. He just backed away down the hallway, not fighting back.

“You haven’t changed! You still see me as that same stupid kid you can drive crazy!”

“It’s not like that!” he denied sharply.

“You’re the one who told me not to be sensitive! Rule number one! I followed your rule! Did you see me waver once? Then what is this? You told me you loved me! You said you’d love only me forever! Why are you doing this?!”

“Jane, enough!” We struggled for ten minutes until I was too exhausted to hit him anymore. I looked at his face through my tears.

“I know you’re confused,” I sobbed.

“I know you’re hiding your heart behind a shield. But if you don’t love me anymore, just say it. Say it now and I’ll give up everything.”

“It’s BECAUSE I love you!” he roared back, tears welling in his own sharp eyes. He slumped against the wall and slid down to the floor, burying his face in his hands.

“I can’t do it anymore! If we have to break up again, my heart won’t survive! I’ll die! I can’t doit!” He was shaking. This was the weakest I had ever seen him ” You asked me to leave you once,” he whispered.

“I hurt you. I made you unhappy. You couldn’t accept what I am. That’s why l try to push you away… but I can’t. I can’t let you out of my sight. I want you to be mine. I dream of you every night. I’m exhausted from loving you, but I can’t forget you. Even for one day.” He looked up at me, his voice trembling.

“Don’t play with my heart, Jane. If you don’t love me, just let me go! Get away from me!” He stood up and turned his back to me.

“I knew I shouldn’t have hired you… but I couldn’t stop myself. I couldn’t beat my own heart. And now, I’m back to being in pain again. I never moved on.”

“P’Jane… ”

“I’Il tell Jamie you got a job somewhere else,” he said, his voice cracking. He covered his face.

“Leave. Go now… before I make it so you can never leave me again.”

“No! Don’t chase me away! Don’t let me go!” I lunged forward and hugged him from behind, my tears soaking his black shirt “Don’t let me go ever again. Don’t disappear.”

“I can’t do this anymore… ” he sobbed.

“I’m not going! Sob… ” I held him tight, crying until I felt faint. I forced him to turn around and look at me. I spoke from the bottom of my soul.

“I love you, P’Jane.” “… ”

“Do you think I only changed because I grew up? No. It’s because I love you so much that I can accept everything about you. So please… ” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his chin.” Don’t ever leave me again.”

“Are you serious?” He held me, looking at me as if he were afraid he was dreaming.

“You really love me?” I nodded, tears streaming down.

“The nights without you were torture. I don’t want to go back to a life with just dried lilacs and letters. I can’t live without you for even a minute.”

“I love you,” I repeated. I saw the reflection of my own happiness in his eyes.

“Do you love me? Tell me, please.”

“I love you. Forever.” I pulled my t-shirt off and let it drop to the floor, showing him my body. P’Jane’s eyes flared with a predatory, passionate fire. I was shy, my skin felt hot, but I wouldn’t back down.

“Then make me yours, P’Jane. Only yours.”

“Little Jane wants to belong to Big Jane. Forever.”