Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 50

“Do you want to go see butterflies?”

“Where would we see them?”

“At my place.”

We lay on our sides, facing each other on the four-poster bed in P’Jane’s room. We were fully dressed now, wanting nothing more than to simply lie here and look at each other. Every emotion was being transmitted through our eyes-so many layers of feeling that I didn’t even try to analyze them. The room was bathed in the dim, amber glow of various lamps. Outside, the sky was caught in the twilight-that transition between day and night, neither dark nor light.

“Jane.”

“I love you, P’Jane.” I said it immediately because I knew what he was going to ask. His eyes lit up with joy. Love flooded his gaze, no longer hidden from me. He spoke again.

“And if I told you… that I’ve killed someone?”

“I can accept it.” I answered without a second of hesitation. I was ready to truly be his. The eyes of the man wearing the padlock pendant sparkled like a thousand stars. We stared at each other for a long time before l asked, “But… have you really?”

He shook his head with a faint smile.

“Not yet.” I nodded. Even if there was no proof yet that I could truly handle it, I remained firm in my decision. No matter what happened, I would stay by his side.

“If you have a choice… please don’t kill anyone.” He didn’t say a word, only nodded with that same soft smile. I edged closer to him, tucking myself into his strong embrace, breathing in his cool scent that now felt warm enough to fill my entire heart. His large hand stroked my head gently.

“Were you lying? When you said you could accept it?”

“I meant it. But… I don’t know. It hasn’t happened yet, so I can’t be 100% sure of myself either.”

“It’s a heavy thing, Jane.” He continued to stroke my hair tenderly.

I reached out to link my key pendant with his padlock. We hadn’t done this in so long. I looked at him and said it again.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Jane. Forever.”

“Forever.” I never thought I’d see this day. My dream had finally come true. I interlaced my fingers with his, promising myself I’d never let go again. Our story was destiny-fate. We belonged to each other for eternity. P’Jane looked into my eyes before leaning down to my chest, pressing a soft kiss against my key pendant. That simple gesture sent a shiver through my soul. It was the mark of the love he gave me, and the symbol of the love I showed him-because I had never taken it off, not once, in all these years.

No words were needed. Our actions and our eyes said it all.

“P’Jane, I want to know something.” He kissed my hair, his voice the softest I’d ever heard.

“What is it?”” What does it feel like… when you’re inside me?” He smiled .

“It’s soft, warm… and it feels amazing.”

“Oh.”

“And what about you? What does it feel like when I’m inside you?”

“Hard, big, full… and intense,” I answered bluntly, making his smile grow even wider. I continued, “And it feels amazing, too.”

“I suppose that’s human nature,” he mused.

“When people love each other, they want to touch.”

“I was so slow to realize it,” I sighed.

“I’ve loved your touch for so long, but I didn’t know it. By the time I realized I loved you, you were already gone.”

“But I’m back now.”

“How could you just disappear like that, P’Jane?'”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t ever disappear again.”

“I’m not going anywhere. I’ Il stay right here with you.” I nodded against his broad chest. I knew deep down he wasn’t the only one at fault-I was the one who chased him away. But I just wanted to act spoiled for a moment. I wanted him to know how much I suffered during those nights without him. I hadn’t known a single minute of true happiness. He looked into my eyes, his voice low and charming.

“But why do you keep touching me like this?”

“Because I’m scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“Scared that this is just a dream. Scared that us lying here together isn’t real.”

“It’s real, Jane. But if you keep touching my chest like that… I won’t be able to hold back much longer.”

“P’Jane! You’re exactly the same as before. I still remember that ‘upper head vs. lower head ‘talk.” The owner of the padlock smirked.

“I haven’t changed at all, have I?” I nodded. He really hadn’t. He had changed physically, and maybe he’d become more ruthless, but his core, his feelings, and his love for me remained identical.

“But you’ve changed, Jane. You’ve grown up so much.”

“It’s. been five years.”

“You really have grown.” He pinched my cheek gently.

“Grown up, less shy… and much more passionate.”

“I just missed you so much! Wait… do you not like me like this?” I felt a flash of insecurity. I remembered him saying he liked me the way I was and didn’t want me to change. But I was overthinking it; he answered immediately.

“I love it. No matter what version of Jane you are, I love you. I love all of it.” His words made my heart swell. P’Jane’s fingers “crawled” like a little crab up my arm to my shoulder, and he whispered in my ear: “You know… being like this just makes me even more possessive of you.”

“I’m possessive of you too! I feel like everyone who looks at you is falling in love with you. P’Jane, do you even know how hot you are?”

“I have no idea.”

“Liar! P’Jane, that tickles!” I jerked my neck away, laughing at the ticklish sensation of his breath and his “crab-fingers.” Then, a thought occurred to me.

“Jamie is coming back in two days. I haven’t even prepared his Thai lessons yet.”

“Let him stay with P’Ram forever. I’d rather it just be the two of us.”

“Don’t be silly! He’s your brother!”

“So what?”

“Your dad will have your head!”

“I just don’t want him back yet. I want to be alone with you for a long time.” Blood rushed to my face in a mix of shyness and joy. I felt like a thousand butterflies were taking flight in my stomach.

“But Jamie seems so happy on this trip, even without us. P’Ram is taking such good care of him.”

“Like I said… let him stay there.”

“If Jamie really asks to stay with P’Ram, I’d have to move to P’Ram’s house too. I am his nanny, after all.”

“I won’t let you go. If you’re ever out of my sight, I’ll die.” I was completely blushing now. No matter how many times I heard him say he’d “die” without me-whether now or in the past-it made my heart race every single time. I leaned up and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. He kissed me back. Our hearts beat as one.

“Shall we go out tomorrow? Before Jamie gets back?”

“I’d love to.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“I want to go to a park. Ride bicycles. It’s not too hot lately.”

“Deal.”

“Can we bring ‘Miss Piano’ along?”

“Are you serious?” I was shocked, but he nodded with a smile.” You love that thing, don’t you?”

“I thought you thought it was dorky!”

“If you like it, I like it. Besides, I bought it for you.” I beamed, happy that he cared about even the smallest things.

“Won’t the staff wonder why I’m going out with you?” I asked, referring to the housekeepers. P’Jane looked like he was about to laugh, his eyes dancing.

“Wonder about what? They all know.”

“P’Jane!” My cheeks burned.” They aren’t stupid. They really know everything.” Oh, the embarrassment!

“Don’t be ashamed. We don’t have to hide it anymore.”

“But we still have to hide it from Jamie.”

“No, we don’t. He needs to know most of all.”

“No way!”

“Why not?”

“I’m afraid he’ll throw a tantrum. He’s very protective of me, you know that.” P’Jane smirked.

“Yeah, he’s possessive of his nanny. But it’s too late. While he’s busy having fun on an island, Jane has become mine again. Sucks for him. Besides, the whole house knows. Prepare for a promotion from ‘Nanny’ to ‘Mr Jenalee.”

“Stop! That sounds so old!” I covered my face, but P’Jane was right-everyone knew. The chemistry between us had been crackling since the beginning. Many of the servants remembered when P’Jane took me to pay respects to Lady Sakuna; they just never said it to my face. I don’t think anyone will be surprised.

“But I don’t want anyone calling me ‘Mr Jenalee.’ Let them call me ‘Nong Jane’ like before. Don’t you feel awkward when people call you ‘Mr JP’?”

“Why would I be shy? They’ve called me that since I was a kid.” True.

“Is being ‘Mr Jenalee’ so bad?” he teased. I shook my head vigorously.

“No. Absolutely not.”

“Mr Jenalee… the Little Master of the house.”

“I’m not the Little Master! That’s Jamie. I’m just… me.”

“But you’re the wife of the master of the house.”

“P’Jane!”

“I’m just telling the truth.”

“Ugh, stop! I’m done talking to you!” I turned away from him, but his large frame followed, hugging me from behind. He rested his chin on my shoulder and spoke from the heart one more time.

“Jane… I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too, P’Jane.”

“Are you hot?” The husky voice of the man riding the bicycle in front of me asked. I gripped his waist tightly, shaking my head and shouting back.” Hold on tight now.”

“You’re the one who needs to ride carefully! If I fall, I’m blaming you!”

“I won’t let my own heart fall.”

“Smooth talker… ” He laughed softly and continued pedaling along the gravel path.

I hummed a song, feeling wonderful. Today, we were wearing what looked like a “couple’s outfit”-well, “looked like” because it wasn’t an exact match. P’Jane wore an oversized black long-sleeved shirt and black jeans, no belt. He looked much more relaxed than his usual sharp, polished self. But even in this relaxed state, he was still carrying a gun.

He said he’d never be 100% at ease until Dan was caught. As expected, Jane Patrick can never truly be ‘chill.’ As for me, I wore an oversized white long-sleeved shirt and blue jeans. Do we look like a demon and an angel?

“P’Jane, where are we even going?”

“I don’t really know.”

“Wait, what?”

“It’s fine. Let’s just soak in the atmosphere.” I didn’t argue because I completely agreed. We had no errands today, nothing to do but relax together. I leaned my head against his broad back, humming a sweet love song. Then, P’Jane called out.

“Jane, look up ahead.”

“What is it?… Wow!” I gasped in awe. Stretching out before me was a vast field of purple and white lilacs, reaching as far as the eye could see, with rolling mountains and soft clouds as the backdrop.

“It’s incredible! So beautiful. I have to take a photo-but wait, why are there no other tourists?”

“How could there be?” P’Jane said with a small smile.

“What do you mean?” He kept smiling, pedaling the bicycle until we were deep in the blooming field. There was only this single road cutting through the middle, flanked by lush bushes of purple and white flowers.

“I own this garden.”

I froze.” You… you own it?”

“Still not used to me being rich?” I gave his back a playful swat. Right-why was I still surprised by his wealth?

“Jane, look! A rainbow!”

“How is that possible?” I stared at the massive arc of color in disbelief. The scene was heavenly-soft sunlight, a rainbow, lilac fields, and mountains. It was peak romance; I felt like I was in a Korean drama.

“I wonder… how did it get there?” P’Jane mused.

“Did you hire someone to make it happen?”

“Maybe,” P’Jane sang, his voice rising and falling like a musical note.

“Just tell me!”

“I’m not telling.”

“Fine! If you’re going to be like that, I’m tickling your waist!”

“Aren’t you afraid of falling off the bike?”

“Oh… right.” The owner of the padlock laughed, covering his mouth.

“Tickle me all you want; I’m not ticklish. Remember?”

“I remember. You’re always so ‘cool.’ But maybe you’ll suddenly become ticklish today. Anything can happen! And if that happens, I’m definitely falling off this bike.” I wrapped both arms around him, breathing in the fresh air and the scent of my lover. P’Jane pedaled us through the winding paths. My heart felt light and full. Eventually, he stopped at a spot where a lovely picnic had been prepared. We unpacked the rest of the items from the front basket-including “Miss Piano,” the bicycle’s mascot, in his cute white lace outfit.

We sat on the mat. I didn’t feel the heat, but my boyfriend clearly did; he unbuttoned his shirt down to the third button, creating a wide V-neck that revealed the red hickeys beneath. I didn’t say anything-after all, it was just the two of us.

“Are you very hot?”

“Here,” P’Jane said, pressing a cold can of Diet Coke from the ice bucket against the back of his neck.

“I want to take my shirt off, but this helps for now.”

“It’s because you were pedaling. The breeze is nice; you’ll cool down soon.” As if on cue, a cool wind swept over us. We drank to quench our thirst, and then P’Jane reclined, resting his head on my lap. I stroked his hair-thick, dark as charcoal, and naturally perfect without any styling. I loved his hair. His sharp, beautiful eyes looked up at me. I smiled down at him.

“Your hair is so beautiful.”

“It’s just ordinary.”

“Not at all.”

“Well, your hair smells much better.” I beamed, remembering he had written that same thing in his letters. He rested there for a long while amidst the mountains and the breeze before sitting up. He turned to me, bringing a film camera to his eye, a smile playing on his lips.

“Jane, let me take a photo.” I gave him a wide grin, posing with Miss Piano on my lap as the shutter clicked. I struck a few more poses on the picnic mat. With this light and these props, the photos were bound to be perfect.

“Let me take some of you!”

“Do you know how to use it?”

“Teach me. I’ve never used a film camera.” He gave me a quick lesson. I caught on fast. P’Jane sat on the mat, his long, curled lashes visible even from a distance as he looked into the lens. He rested his chin on one hand, not smiling. Even in a simple pose, he looked like a professional model. Every angle was perfect. Sigh… a handsome man is handsome no matter what he does. He was so cool and incredibly hot. That “blue aura” around him-that heat disguised as coldness-was intoxicating.

“Why the long sigh?”

“Because you’re too handsome. I had to let it out.”

“You’ve been complimenting me a lot lately.”

“Because it’s true! A camera can’t even capture all of it.” He laughed loudly, showing his perfect teeth.

I clicked the shutter repeatedly, capturing that smile. In that moment-with the unbuttoned shirt, the jeans, the scenery-he looked so Western, so perfect. I was jealous of myself for having such a perfect boyfriend. Surely, many people would want to be in my shoes. But they don’t have a “Big Jane” of their own-and this Big Jane belongs only to Little Jane.

We returned to Bangkok late. Jamie was due back the next day. P’Ram seemed to have enjoyed babysitting; he even asked to take Jamie on another trip because “Jamie is so cute.” P’Jane jokingly told him he could keep Jamie forever, which made Jamie cry over the phone until I had to comfort him. P’Jane really loves teasing his brother.

I put the lilacs in a vase with fresh water. They were beautiful. I decided to keep them there until they dried, and then I’d keep them forever. After a long day, I showered and dried my hair. I heard footsteps outside-I smiled, thinking it was P’Jane coming to ask to sleep in my room. But I was wrong, The footsteps didn’t stop at my door.

I peeked out and saw P’Jane disappear into the large black-and-gold door-the forbidden room. My heart hammered. I told myself I wouldn’t pry, but now that we were back together and I’d promised to accept everything about him, I felt a desperate need to share his secrets. Curiosity-that raw human instinct-took over.

Before I could stop myself, I was standing in front of that door. I hesitated for over half an hour. P’Jane didn’t come out. I paced nervously, biting my nails. Suddenly, I heard movement from inside. I bolted back to my room on silent feet. I peeked through a crack in my door. P’Jane stepped out and locked the door with a large, uniquely shaped gold key.

He shook the handle to make sure it was secure, his eyes scanning the hallway with the sharp, wary look of an assassin or a spy. I ducked down, covering my mouth, terrified my shadow would give me away. I held my breath as he whistled while walking past my room. My heart nearly stopped, fearing he’d catch me.

But he didn’t: I heard his bedroom door close. That night, I dreamed of nothing but that massive black door.

“Is P’Jane not here, Auntie Jam?” I asked a maid the next morning.

“The Young Master took the Lamborghini out before dawn,” she replied.

“Just a cup of coffee and he was gone.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes. But really, Nong Jane, you should know better than I do,” she teased with a knowing smile. I blushed. Since the staff felt close to me, they dared to tease.

“Oh, Auntie! I don’t know everything.”

“It’s just the truth. We’re all happy to see him so refreshed. He used to never smile. Having you and Khun Jamie here is good for him; he’s been a loner since he was a child.” I nodded, then remembered Jamie was returning tonight. Auntie Jam said the traffic would be bad, so they likely wouldn’t arrive until after midnight. Since I was alone and had nothing to do, I spent time messing around on the piano. I can’t play a single song, but I love the sound. I eventually went to my room to grab my laptop, hoping to work on my novel. But my gaze was drawn back to the black-and-gold door. My feet moved on their own. I grabbed the gold knob and turned it. Locked. I went downstairs to find Uncle Phum, the old gardener.

“Uncle Phum, where are the tools kept? I need to fix something in my room.” He pointed me to the old garage. I went in, coughing from the dust, and found a toolbox. It didn’t have everything I needed, so I drove to a hardware store nearby. I had to do this now. If I hesitated, I’d lose my nerve. I returned to the forbidden door. I had a tension wrench, lock picks, and lubricant spray. My heart was pounding. As kids, my brother Jet and I were troublemakers. We watched videos on how to pick locks “for emergencies” and practiced on every door in the house, even our friends’ houses. We stopped after a neighbor complained to our dad that he was training his sons to be thieves. That was the last time I was hit by my dad. Lockpicking isn’t like the movies-it’s not a ten-second job with a bobby pin. It requires patience, focus, and the right tools. Sweat poured down my back. After an hour and a half… Click. The lock was disengaged. My heart beat like a war drum. With trembling hands, I turned the knob and pushed. Finally, I was going to see 一 BANG! The door was slammed shut from the other side by P’Jane’s hand. He yanked it closed with terrifying force. I turned to face him. My heart felt like it was going to stop. He looked like a giant, looming over me, his eyes blazing.

“I asked you… what are you doing?”

“P’Jane… I-I… ” He stepped toward me, his voice a low, terrifying growl. “Didn’t I tell you? This is the forbidden room. How dare you do this?” I couldn’t speak. I was caught red-handed. His eyes scanned my tools on the floor. He leaned down, his jaw tight. My legs gave out, and I fell to my knees. I closed my eyes and pressed my hands together in a plea.

“P’Jane… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I… ”

“You want to know what’s inside?” I was paralyzed with fear. I wanted the earth to swallow me whole. I was drained of all strength.

“You really want to know?” He crouched down, forcing my chin up so I had to look at him. The smile on his face was that of a demon. It was that same bone-chilling smile he gave me the very first time we made our “contract.”

“It’s a secret.”

“Are you sure you want to know?” His voice was a lure, a trap. I could only stare at him, speechless. His smile widened. He let go of my chin, stood up to his full height, and slowly-deliberately-pushed the door open himself. The hinge creaked with a sound more haunting than anything I’d ever heard. P’Jane looked down at me as I knelt there.

“Come in.” A blast of icy air hit me, making my hair stand on end. He put his hands in his pockets and leaned down until his face was inches from mine. His eyes shimmered with a dark light; that demonic smile hadn’t faded an inch.

“But once you know… there is no going back.”