Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 56

They say I may be making a mistake

I would’ve followed all the way, no matter how far I know when you go down all your darkest roads

I would’ve followed all the way to the graveyard.

I opened the drawer, felt around for the object hidden deep inside, and pulled it out. I debated whether to head out or go back to sleep, but my legs led me back to the mattress, where I collapsed heavily.

Drowsiness-it really is a form of poison. I closed my eyes, teetering on the edge of sleep, when a sudden thought struck me: What if P’Jane goes to find P’Dan? What if something terrible happens to him? Am I really going to just ignore it because I’m sleepy? I would regret it for the rest of my life. These were not normal times, and we both knew it.

That thought bolted me upright. My hand gripped the gun I’d retrieved from the drawer. I threw open the door and hurried after the tall figure, but I was several paces behind; by the time I got out, the gate was already remote-closing. I ran to my car, hopped in, and reversed immediately. My hands shook as I hit the remote to reopen the gate, then sped after P’Jane’s car, far exceeding the speed limit into the 3: 00 AM darkness.

My heart hammered against my ribs. I wasn’t entirely sure what was happening, but my intuition told me something was very wrong. It had to be about the blood feud waiting to be settled with P’Dan. I wasn’t wrong. Thank God I decided to follow him.

“Get off my boyfriend right now, or I’ll blow your brains across the floor!” P’Dan refused to obey. He probably thought I didn’t have the nerve. I slammed the muzzle of the gun against the back of his skull harder, signaling that I was dead serious.

“Do it! Now! Both hands up!” P’Dan slowly raised both hands and climbed off P’Jane. I barked another order.

“Good. Walk over there. To that pillar. Don’t you dare turn around.” P’Dan did as he was told. I followed him, keeping the gun trained on him but maintaining a slight distance. During the five years P’Jane and I were apart, I hadn’t just grown up and become stronger; I hadn’t just practiced driving until I was skilled. I had also practiced shooting. For a while, I went to the range so often that the instructor praised my accuracy. P’Jane pushed himself up from the ground. He was covered in dust, his hair and clothes a mess, with blood smeared across his face. He likely never imagined I knew how to use a gun, but he didn’t ask anything; we weren’t in a situation for pleasant conversation. I spoke quickly to P’Jane, my eyes never leaving the back of P’Dan’s head.

“Let’s turn P’Dan over to the police. Let the legal process handle it. With his record, he’ll never get out.” P’Jane nodded in agreement. He wiped the blood from his eye socket without a word. Though he was clearly in pain, he moved to retrieve his own gun which had been knocked away. I stepped closer to P’Dan, issuing a final command: “Drop your gun on the floor and face the wall.”

“I know, I know!” P’Dan shouted back, but his movements as he crouched to set the gun down were agonizingly slow. I yelled again:” Drop the gun! Don’t try anything! I said drop it-” Bang! Bang!” Jane!!” I was hit once in the torso and once in the side of the head. My knees buckled. My head slammed against the floor amidst P’Jane’s horrified scream. Bright red blood from the gunshot wounds flooded my body and the right side of my face. In that split second, P’Dan had seized the opening to spin around and fire. I wasn’t fast enough to react. Now, P’Dan was aiming again, intending to finish me off. Bang! P’Jane fired a single, precise shot into the center of P’Dan’s forehead. P’Dan fell back, mouth agape, eyes rolling back. He died on the spot, his threat extinguished forever. Everything in my vision began to blur. I felt like I was in a world that wasn’t real, as if everything had turned into a hazy slow-motion video. I felt a tall figure rush over and kneel beside me. I felt his hands gripping me, both of us becoming soaked in my blood. But l couldn’t move. My eyelids were like lead.

“Jane… no, Jane. Please, stay with me. Stay with me.” Why does P’Jane’s voice sound like that? Is he crying? Don’t… I don’t want to see him cry…

He pulled me into his arms, cradling me on his lap. I tried to look at his face, but it was a blurred mess. I managed a small smile as my body jolted. Death was so much easier and faster than I’d thought. It happened so quickly there was no time to reflect on anything at all. Oh… and it hurt a lot more than I’d imagined, too.

I felt a pang of sadness that I wouldn’t see Jet get married. I wouldn’t see Jean enter university. I wouldn’t get to take care of Mom and Dad. But I had lived the best life I could.

“God… please, God… ” Ah… hearing Jane Patrick call out to God like that… maybe that’s enough to make my life worth it. No… to have been born and loved someone with all my heart, and to have them love me back-that is undoubtedly the most meaningful life possible. I used to ask myself if P’Jane killed someone, could I really accept it? Today, the answer was clear. I could accept him judging P’Dan. I didn’t doubt him or love him any less. Perhaps it’s because P’Dan deserved it most of all. It depends on who the person is, I suppose. Because if Dan didn’t die, P’Jane would have.

“Jane… Jane, remember when you asked me for a favor? When you asked me to leave you?” How could I ever forget?

“I haven’t asked for anything back yet. But I’m asking now. Please… don’t die. Don’t you dare die, Jane. Do you hear me?!” Asking for something like that… if it were something I could give back, I would. But I can’t control this… you crazy man. I used the last of my strength to move my hand, hoping to touch my lover’s face, but my limb only jerked. P’Jane was sobbing uncontrollably. As my pulse grew fainter, I tried to speak. I wanted to tell him not to cry. I wanted to tell him I was okay. But I didn’t have the strength. I just smiled at him.

“I… love… you… P’… ” My hand hit the floor amidst his cries. I could no longer see anything.” Jane! JANE!!”

“Jane! Jane!” The name of his lover was called out repeatedly. The man who was always confident and brilliant now had no idea what to do. The image of Jane lying unconscious in a pool of blood in his arms was driving Jane Patrick insane. The sirens of ambulances and police cars wailed around the abandoned warehouse less than five minutes after Jane lost consciousness. Jane Patrick was oblivious; he just kept screaming his lover’s name and struggling like a wild horse when two officers came to restrain him. Jane’s body was rushed into the ambulance.

“Jane! Let go! I said let me go! JANE!!”

“Ladies and gentlemen, this case happened last week. It was an extremely bold crime involving the police killing a suspect in the line of duty. The suspect was armed with several weapons, including an M16.”

“Oh wow, that’s quite extraordinary, Khun Phruek.”

“Yes, Khun Nabdao. The suspect opened fire on the officers. He was identified as Mr. Tanothai Phumrawat, or ‘Dan, ‘ the only son of Mr. Praphruek Phumrawat, who was imprisoned for illegal logging and wildlife trafficking about five or six years ago. Let’s refer to him as ‘Dan.’ He is suspected of committing over twelve murders.”

“I feel faint just hearing that!”

“He operated in both Thailand and Japan, and was also a major drug trafficker. He was highly wanted by both Thai and Japanese authorities. Thai police used a ‘decoy’ to lure him to an abandoned warehouse, where the decoy was shot twice with a handgun.”

“How tragic.”

“Indeed. Dan showed no intention of surrendering and was eventually killed by the police. Let’s look at the footage from the scene.” The screen cut to the abandoned warehouse. Groups of police gave interviews to reporters, detailing the event scene by scene leading up to the killing of the suspect. Jane Patrick hit the remote to mute the television. He had been arrested that day. At first, he thought it would be a massive ordeal, but he only spent one night in a holding cell at the station. Because Dan had been a high-profile target for years, the police were eager to settle the matter.

When they arrived at the scene-alerted by locals who heard the gunshots-and realized who the deceased was, they immediately sought a deal with P’Jane. The officers treated him with immense respect once they realized his family background. The deal was simple: he would not exist in this story at all. No charges, no record. The police would claim the entire operation as their own achievement. After consulting carefully with his lawyer, Chuwong, Jane Patrick agreed, as it benefited both parties. He had no hand in the “story” currently being dramatized on the news. As for Dan’s henchmen, once their boss was gone, the rest weren’t smart enough to escape. Their hideouts were exposed, and they were rounded up one by one. With rap sheets as long as a tail, they would be in prison for a very long time.

Finally, Jane Patrick switched off the television and rose from his armchair. He drove to the destination he had visited every single day. After parking, the young man walked into the building and took the elevator to the room that had become a familiar sanctuary. He knocked, opened the door, and offered a smile to the middle-aged woman sitting inside, greeting her with a polite wai.

“Hello, Mother.”

“Hello, ‘Big’ Jane. You’re here early today. No work?” The young man smiled faintly and shook his head.

“No. Did you get any sleep last night?”

“Only in bits and pieces, son. People were coming and going all night as usual,” she complained. The tall man pulled up a chair beside the patient’s bed, looking at the person sleeping there. The middle-aged woman spoke in a soft, sorrowful voice.

“It’s been a week now… and Jane still won’t wake up.” Jane Patrick reached out to hold the hand of the person in the bed. Although Jane had survived-the doctors having successfully removed the bullet from his abdomen and confirming no vital organs were hit-the shot that grazed the side of his head was the real concern. Aside from the bullet wound, his head had slammed against the floor with such force that it caused a brain hemorrhage, leading to severe swelling. A CT scan had revealed that, in addition to the bleeding, his skull was fractured. Jane had undergone emergency brain surgery. Now, the figure on the bed had a drainage tube for the fluid in his brain, a ventilator, and IV lines tangled around his pale, frail body. In truth, it was not a sight meant for looking. Pranee (the mother) spoke in a thin voice.

“I’m scared, Big Jane. What if he never wakes up?”

“He will definitely wake up. Please don’t worry, Mother. The doctors said that in some cases, it takes a month or two. Jane hasn’t given up yet, so we mustn’t give up either.” He turned to offer a gentle smile to his lover’s mother. she reached up to quickly wipe the corners of her eyes.

“That black-hearted man… why did he have to do this to my son? It’s a good thing the police dealt with him. But Big Jane… why did Jane have to be a decoy for them? He put himself in such danger. My poor boy… ” The middle-aged woman pulled out a tissue to dab her tears. She understood what everyone else understood, because the deal Jane Patrick had made with the police was a strictly guarded secret-a national secret, in fact. He felt a crushing guilt for causing his lover to end up like this. Even though no one knew the truth except for him, the police, Lawyer Chuwong, and the person lying unconscious, it didn’t bring him any relief. On the contrary, it made him feel a suffocating discomfort he had never felt before.

He was used to being cursed to his face; whether he cared or not was another story. So, whenever his lover’s mother cursed Dan, Jane Patrick simply remained silent. He looked at his lover breathing through the hospital gown, unable to say anything because his throat felt tight. No matter how many days passed, he couldn’t forget the image of Jane hovering between life and death. If his lover had died in his arms that day, he didn’t know how he would have continued living.

“This afternoon, they’re taking him for another CT scan. If the fluid is fully drained, they can remove the tubes from his head.”

“I see.” The middle-aged woman reached out to gently touch the cheek of the older Jane. Seeing a child lying ill was something a mother could never get used to. She turned her face away.

“Big Jane, could you watch him for a moment? I’m going to go grab some coffee. Do you want anything?”

“No, thank you.” Pranee walked out of the room. She had watched over her son day and night, with other family members rotating in. Although the staff said it wasn’t necessary to stay-since they wouldn’t know when a patient in this condition might wake-Pranee insisted. Jane Patrick knew she couldn’t keep this up forever if her son remained asleep for a long time. He wanted to take the night shifts himself, but because Jamie was still in Thailand, he couldn’t. He had to look after Jamie alone, with occasional help from the household staff. Once Jamie returned to America to be with his father, he hoped to stay by his lover’s side more often. He had already decided to send Jamie back; even though the Dan situation was over, as long as Jane hadn’t woken up, he wanted to devote every second of his time here.

The tall man moved his hand to softly touch his lover’s face. Everything that had happened made him realize with all his heart how precious Jane was-so precious that he would break every rule for the life of the person in front of him. Everything. Without exception. So… please wake up soon, my dear. Wake up and let’s go back to our home. Two Months Later “Big Jane, look! His hair has grown so much.” Pranee spoke with a hint of excitement.

Because of the brain surgery, her son’s head had been shaved. Jane Patrick looked where she pointed. He leaned over the bed rail, studying the sleeping face.

“Yes, it really has grown quite a bit.”

“And what’s that in your hand?” He glanced down at the bouquet of purple flowers in his hand and answered with a thin smile.

“Lilacs. I thought I’d change the ones in the vase.”

“My, Big Jane, you’re so sweet. Look at that… why doesn’t Dad ever buy me flowers like this?”

“Shoo! Why are you wanting things like this at your age? Fine, I’ll buy you some flowers another day,” the husband grumbled. Jane Patrick laughed quietly at the banter between the couple. Pranee turned to chat with him some more.

“How is Jamie doing back in America?”

“The same as usual. He’s doing well. We just video-called this morning. It looks like he’s gotten much taller.”

“Kids at that age grow so fast we adults can’t keep up,” she noted.” Yes, I was shocked. He’s already up to my chest level.” He picked up the vase and went into the bathroom, filling it with the right amount of water before arranging the flowers. Jane Patrick took his time, making sure they looked beautiful. When he came out, the couple were gone. They had likely gone down to get something to eat before coming back up to watch their son. Jane was staying in the hospital’s most expensive suite, receiving top-tier care from a team of first-class doctors and nurses-as if he were a prince.

Naturally, Jane Patrick paid for everything. Usually, if a CT scan after seven days shows that everything has drained properly, a patient starts to recover. In this case, the skull had healed well, but Jane was a rare, special case. Two months had passed, and he still hadn’t woken up. In the first month, everyone was full of hope. Now, they had begun to fall silent on the matter. Although the doctors hadn’t given a final diagnosis and said to wait, Jane Patrick knew the parents were starting to prepare for the worst. It was why they had been acting overly cheerful lately. Jet and Jean were the same.

“If Jane never wakes up… and you find someone else to love one day… don’t think too much about it, son.” Jane Patrick remembered clearly the day Pranee had spoken those words to him at a coffee shop. He had simply shaken his head with a faint smile.

“I can’t love anyone else. My heart belongs to only one person.” He still stood by that. Two months? That was nothing for someone who had waited five years. This amount of time wouldn’t make him give up. Since no one else was in the room, he leaned down and pressed a feather-light kiss on the pale cheek. He pulled up a chair and looked at his lover with his own eyes. No matter how thin he had become, in his eyes, Jane was still the same adorable person.

“I love you, my dear. I will love you forever. With all my heart.” Suddenly, Jane Patrick’s heart hammered against his ribs. He saw the fingers on the patient’s right hand move. He rubbed his eyes, his heart trying to calm down. A hallucination? No, he had just seen those fingers twitch quite clearly.

“Water… I want… water… ”

“Jane? Was that your voice, Jane?!” The tall man jumped from his chair, his heart racing wildly. This time, his eyes and ears hadn’t deceived him. Jane’s eyes were half-open, looking at him. He was murmuring something unintelligible inside the oxygen mask. Jane Patrick slammed the nurse call button, his voice trembling with excitement and urgency. Within moments, three nurses rushed in. One called the doctor while the others checked the vitals. Jane Patrick couldn’t remember the last time he felt this much happiness. His heart beat so fast it felt like it would burst from his chest.

Finally, the pale figure was taken off the ventilator. He was even able to sip water through a straw on his own. Jane Patrick walked to the bedside while waiting for the doctor to perform a full exam. A tear escaped from one of his eyes; he quickly wiped it away.” Jane, how are you? Do you feel uncomfortable anywhere? Does your head hurt a lot?” Jane was still breathing heavily, like someone who was utterly exhausted. His slim eyes rolled over to look at him before he gave a slight shake of the head-a signal that he wasn’t in pain. That made Jane Patrick even more overjoyed. He reached out to gently touch his lover’s hair.

“Does it hurt when I touch you like this?” Jane shook his head again. His expression was one of confusion mixed with alarm. The owner of the padlock pendant spoke quickly:” Jane… you’re better now. Once you recover a bit more, you’ll be back to your old self. And then we can go back to our home together.”

“P’… ” The patient’s raspy voice called out to Jane Patrick.

“Yes?”” Who are you?”

“Do I… know you?”