Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 57

I’ll remember to love you taught me how.

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“Jane! My boy! My son, you’re awake!” “Jane… oh, Jane, Dad is so happy!” Both Pranee and Wechas, who had gone down to eat, rushed back to their eldest son’s recovery room the moment they received the call that Jane was awake. They completely forgot about the tall figure standing nearby, frozen like a stone statue.

As for the patient, he still looked utterly dazed.

“Dad, Mom, what happened to me? Why am I lying here sick? Have I been asleep for a long time? Why is everything so chaotic?” “Oh, Jane, I’m so happy. I prayed every day for you to wake up,” Pranee sobbed, unable to hold back any longer.

“What is this? Is no one really going to tell me why I’m lying here? What happened?”

“Your suffering is over now, my boy,” Wechas said , stroking his son’s arm gently, his eyes welling with tears.

“Everyone, calm down. I’m okay now. But why do Dad and Mom look… well, like you’ve aged a lot?” “Good heavens! Is that my son’s mouth talking? It makes me want to smack him back into a nap!”

“But I really feel that way! How long was I out?”

“Two months, son,” Wechas answered .

The young man on the bed cried out,” What?! Two whole months? What actually happened? Why was I asleep for two months? Please explain!” Wechas and Pranee looked at each other. The middle-aged pharmacist summarized, “He’s likely still confused.”

“I agree, dad.”

“Then explain it so I stop being confused!”

“This won’t do. I need to call Jet and Jean right now and tell them Jane is awake!” Pranee said excitedly.

“Everyone, explain it to me first!” the patient bellowed.

“Excuse me, please.” The voice of a young doctor in a white gown cut through the noise, causing Wechas and Pranee to stop their commotion and step aside. It was Ram. He used a penlight to check the patient’s pupils and performed several other checks with the help of a nurse. Once finished, he addressed the family.

“Everything seems normal-quite good, in fact. However, his body is still weak. I’ll have him stay in the hospital for another week to monitor him alongside physical therapy. If everything is fine, he can go home to recover, but he must attend every physical therapy appointment. No skipping allowed.”

“Yes, doctor,” Pranee nodded vigorously.

“Actually, today is the primary doctor’s day off, but he’s on his way now. I just came to do the initial check,” Ram added .

“We appreciate it very much, doctor,” Wechas said .

The young doctor glanced toward his younger cousin, Jane Patrick. The two had spoken on the phone moments ago, which was why Ram had cleared his patients and hurried up the elevator immediately. Ram looked at the patient again and asked, “Could you introduce yourself to me? Your name, age, family, and what you’re currently doing?” Ram turned to Wechas and Pranee, speaking softly.

“This is a standard memory check after surgery. Don’t be alarmed.” Jane took a deep breath before answering clearly.

“My name is Jenalee. My nickname is Jane. I’m eighteen years old. I’m a senior at Hemsak School. Lately, I’ve been preparing for university entrance exams; it’s the final stretch and I’m very stressed. I’m scared I won’t get in anywhere. As for my family, I’m the eldest. I have two younger siblings. My brother, Jet, is the middle child, and my sister, Jean, is the youngest. My father is a factory pharmacist and my mother works at a bank.””!!!”

“Dad, Mom! Did I say something wrong? Why are you looking at me like you’ve seen a ghost?”

“Nong Jane is suffering from post-traumatic amnesia (PTA) following a brain injury.”” Meaning… ?” “It’s because the bullet grazed his head, fracturing the skull, and then he hit the floor hard. It caused a concussion. The high-pressure situation caused his body to stress to the point of purging memories-it turned out he erased things he didn’t want to remember. Dr. Methee is explaining the same thing to Jane’s parents right now. As for you, Jane, I’ll explain it myself.” Ram spoke to his younger cousin, Jane Patrick, who looked completely blank.

“This can happen. Usually, patients remember their childhood or the distant past perfectly, but they forget recent events. Additionally, the patient may experience confusion, aggression, restlessness, or a lack of self-control.” Jane Patrick was silent for a moment before his raspy voice asked,” But Jane’s memory of the last eight years is completely gone… ”

“Now, calm down. Get a grip.” Ram gripped his cousin’s shoulders.” It happens, even if it’s not common.”

“Will it go away? Will he remember again?” Ram bit his lip before loosening his expression.

“Sometimes they only forget twenty-four hours. We have to wait and see.” Jane Patrick forced a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“You’re lying to me.”

“I’m not lying to you, Jane. Don’t try to use psychology on me.”

“But there’s a higher chance he won’t remember after the first twenty-four hours, right?”

“That doesn’t mean there’s a zero percent chance he’ll ever remember. Some cases take time. Some patients might suddenly remember everything tomorrow or the next day. Others take a long time to recall memories; it varies by person. Some remember only fragments, and some never remember at all.”

“I saw Dr. Methee ordered a CT scan. If he still doesn’t remember after two days, we’ll have to treat him with a combination of a neurologist and a psychiatrist. We haven’t lost hope yet.” Ram squeezed his brother’s shoulder encouragingly. “You have an advanced PhD in Psychology, Jane. You can help his family a lot. Talk to them. Both his lover and his family need to cooperate for the patient’s sake-if his memory doesn’t return soon.” Jane did not regain his memories of the last eight years in twenty-four hours, nor in forty-eight.

“Is… is this our house?” I looked up at a large pharmacy. Not only was it air-conditioned and modern-looking, but it had three floors. On top of that, dad had rented a nearby parking lot so customers could park easily, and family members parked there too. Even though Dad and Mom had explained how our family’s status had changed, I didn’t expect us to be this wealthy. I thought it would still be a small, dark shophouse pharmacy like Uncle Seng’s shop nearby.

“Of course it is, P.”

“Our house is so big!” I cried out in shock. Jet, who was pushing my wheelchair, laughed.

“It’s been this big for years. It’s the best pharmacy in this district. Didn’t you see all the dermo-cosmetics we sell? Every brand.” “Wow!”

“Alright, be careful. I going to wheel you into the house now, P.” Seeing Dad and Mom looking older was surprising, but not overwhelmingly so. However, seeing my siblings this grown up was a total shock. As far as I could remember, Jet was only in the 9th grade (M. 3) and Jean was even younger-still in primary school. Seeing them leap forward in age almost gave me a stroke. Jet was already working as a male nurse, and Jean was a beautiful young woman preparing for university. Dad and Mom followed behind Jet and me. Jean wasn’t home; she was at a cram school preparing for her entrance exams. It felt so bizarre. Jean should be sitting around eating ice cream and watching cartoons without a care in the world. I should be the one at cram school, stressed to the point of a headache over the big exams. Instead, I’d apparently graduated with a Bachelor’s degree years ago. Yet, I had absolutely no knowledge in my head. To me, I was still just an 18-year-old. It’s sad-I’ve become an adult while I was just a teenager a moment ago. And isn’t university supposed to be the most fun time of your life? I’ve forgotten it all.

“Alright, get ready. I’m going to help you up. Your bedroom is on the second floor, P.”” Hmm! Ready.” I stood up with Jet’s help. I had worked hard at physical therapy during my hospital stay, so I could walk, even if it wasn’t graceful yet. My brother supported me up the stairs with skill. Well, he had to be skilled; he’s a nurse. I keep forgetting. Ugh, I’m so confused. Jet led me into a bedroom. Although I didn’t remember this room at all, the moment I stepped inside, I felt a deep sense of familiarity in my subconscious. Jet slowly sat me down on the bed.

“Supporting me feels a bit awkward, huh? You’re several centimeters taller than me now.”

“Just endure it. It’s nothing. Do you want Dad to support you? He’s very old now. And Mom is tiny.” “I didn’t mean it like that. I was just complaining.”

“Hey, P, are you scared of me? You look like a kid getting scolded,” Jet laughed when he saw me fidgeting, tapping my index fingers together.

I quickly hid my hands.

“It’s just… you look so much like an adult. Even your face has changed. You look like a man now-your baby fat is all gone.”

“Well, I am grown up. I’m almost twenty-three,” Jet replied .” That’s exactly it.

I feel like you’ve aged past me.”

“Oh, please!” Jet laughed so hard he doubled over.

“Anyway, here. This is your phone. You know how to use it fluently now, right?”

“Yeah, I’ve got the hang of it.” When I was in high school (M. 6), what version was the iPhone even on? Look at it now-it’s jumped into the double digits. And there are so many colors to choose from. The one I’m holding is purple. It’s strange; as far as I remember, iPhones only came in basic black and white. I never thought Apple would actually start making colorful ones. Furthermore, I wasn’t used to iPhones back then because our family wasn’t wealthy enough for me to afford such an expensive smartphone. I feel like my life changed overnight. Mom told me that I was shot twice. One hit my abdomen, and the other grazed my head, tearing the scalp and fracturing my skull-and to make matters worse, I hit the floor hard. It happened because I volunteered as a police decoy to help catch international criminals.

They even found my own handgun at the scene. They knew it was mine because they tracked the registration number, and it matched my name. I listened to this, unable to believe my ears-that I actually knew how to handle a gun, let alone had a carry permit. I mean… damn! How cool did you become, Jenalee?

No matter how much I love justice, I never imagined I’d be brave enough to volunteer as a police decoy. I always thought I was a bit of a coward. Did I grow up to be someone I never dreamed of? Does that mean I’m impressive, or does it just mean I was stupid for taking such a risk? It seems there are many more things Dad and Mom want to tell me to trigger my memory, but they haven’t finished yet.

Of course-eight years is a lot of time. To clarify, that gun has now been locked away securely in the family safe by Dad.

“P, if you need anything, Line me or call. If it’s an emergency, just shout. My room is on the second floor too.”

“Wait, we don’t share a room anymore?”

“Nope. We’ve slept in separate rooms for an eternity. Jean is on the third floor, and Dad and Mom are on the first floor like always.”

“Ah, okay.” Suddenly, Jet smiled after looking at my face.

“P, you’re actually pretty cute.”

“Huh?”

“You’re looking at me with those wide, innocent eyes. You look exactly like the naive kid you were back in M. 6. I didn’t really remember it clearly; back then I was just a brat, and I always felt like you were so much older.” I tilted my head and scratched it.” Is that so?”

“There you go, making that ‘puppy dog’ face again. Anyway, get some rest, P. If you get bored, do the light exercises the physical therapist told you. But if you’re going to do anything heavy, don’t do it alone. Call me to watch over you, otherwise, something might happen.”

“I know, I know.” I answered my brother, and Jet closed the door behind his tall frame as he walked out. I lay back and played with my phone. Every time I pressed the screen, I felt a mix of strangeness and embarrassment-because the wallpaper was a photo of me and that man. He told me I call him “P’Jane,” and that we are boyfriends. In the photo, we look incredibly happy and very much in love. Moreover, it wasn’t a hidden romance. On the contrary, it was completely open. My entire family seemed close to him, as if he were another son or brother. Everyone except me calls him Big Jane. I’m not sure why; maybe because he’s so tall and sturdy. As for why I call him just “P’Jane,” I can’t remember. If he’s “Big Jane,” then I must be “Little Jane”. We really do have the same name. Having a boyfriend is another thing that feels incredibly bizarre. As far as I can remember, I’ve never had a partner. In fact, “now”-meaning back in M. 6-I was talking to and very much “in love”. with a guy from another school I met at cram school. His name was Payu. He was the first guy I’d ever talked to, and he had a very charming smile. He was the one who made me realize my true preference (since I’d only ever talked to girls before). Just a few days ago-well, in my memory-I filled an entire page of my notebook with Payu’s name circled in hearts. When my friend Gap came back from the cafeteria, I barely hid it in time.

He tried to snatch the notebook, and I bolted, running until we were both panting like dogs. Then Gap and I were caught by Teacher Ponlatorn, who made us stand on one leg biting rulers in front of the discipline office for running in the halls. Wait, that didn’t happen “the other day.” It happened years ago. Ugh, confused again. To me, it feels like only a few days have passed, but last week at the hospital, I secretly searched for Payu on Facebook. He’s already married. I wonder how things ended between us? Did it end well or badly? Did we ever even date? Sigh. As long as I can’t remember, I’ll never know. I certainly won’t message him; I’m afraid his wife would come and rip my head off. It probably ended badly, though, because we aren’t even Facebook friends. Oh, but Payu graduated in Engineering. I guess he got into the faculty and university he wanted. Belated congratulations to him, then. But the fact that it doesn’t hurt even a little bit-despite how much I used to like him-tells me that it really must have been a very long time ago. I put my phone away and stood up to look into the full-length mirror. The young man in the reflection smiled back at me. He looked familiar, yet I still wasn’t used to him. One day I was an eighteen-year-old boy, and today, I’m a twenty-six-year-old man. Both my body and face have changed with time. I touched my own cheek.

Alright… eventually, I’ll get used to this reflection. By the way, this padlock pendant that Mom put around my neck the moment I left the hospital-does it have a special meaning? Why do I feel so attached to it? It feels like if I took it off, I’d be ripping my soul right out of my body. I shook my head.

I can’t remember. I’ll have to ask someone else. I walked slowly and lightly around the room, but my eyes kept drifting toward a bunch of dried, brown flowers hanging from the ceiling. There it was again… why does it feel so familiar to look at them? What do they mean? Knock, knock.

“Come in!” I called out.

“P, how are you feeling?”

“Oh, you’re back, Jean?”

“Yep. Can I come in?”

“Come on in,” I answered. Jean hopped onto the bed and lay on her stomach, watching me do my exercises. She asked, “Does it still hurt, P?” I shook my head.

“Not at all. Nothing hurts anymore, but I don’t feel very agile. But how did you get so tall?”

“Geez, I’m almost nineteen!”

“Sigh. It feels like just yesterday you were in primary school.”” That’s because your memory is missing eight full years.”

“By the way, why aren’t you in the regular school system anymore? I’m confused.”

“Ugh, it’s a long story. I can tell you, though. Do you want to hear it now?”

“It’s probably pretty complicated, right?”

“Yup.”

“Then let’s save it for later. I want something light for now.”

“Okay, I agree. Two days ago when Dad told you that slightly complicated story, you got such a headache we all panicked.”

“Exactly. I’ll recover my memory slowly. Hardcore mode isn’t for me.” I continued my light workout, but my eyes wouldn’t stop drifting back to that bunch of dried flowers. Finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore and asked my sister.

“Jean, can you take those flowers and throw them away for me? I really don’t know why I kept them. I have allergies, for heaven’s sake.” Jean flinched.

“Are you crazy? You can’t throw those away!”

“Why not?”

“Because your boyfriend gave them to you! P’!” “… Really?”

“I mean, at first, we didn’t know. But one time I snatched them to use as a prop for a photo. When you came home, you were so furious! You actually made me cry. Another time, Mom was cleaning your room and forgot, so she threw them in the trash. You spent the whole night digging through the big dumpster in front of the pharmacy until you found them. It’s a good thing you did, or the house would have been torn apart!”

“It was that serious?” I asked in surprise. Jean looked dead serious as she nodded.

“Yes! If you don’t believe me, ask Mom.”

“Uh, okay. Let’s just leave them there for now then.” I’m curious to know what could be so important about them. Jean started humming a Korean song softly before asking: “By the way, Big Jane has been gone for two or three days. Have you talked to him?”

“Well… how should I put this… ”

“What? What?” Jean asked curiously.

I scratched my head.” I mean, he calls all the time. But… uh… well… ”

“Well?”

“Well, I don’t know him at all, so I don’t know what to talk about. And I’m not good at talking to strangers. Since I don’t really answer him, he doesn’t know what to say either. From what I can tell, he isn’t much of a talker anyway. We’ll probably end up breaking up over this.”

“Nooo! P, you have to remember him! He is incredibly important to your life. Almost as important as us!”

“That much? Just for a boyfriend?”

“P! He’s extremely important!” Jean slapped the bed repeatedly, looking even more serious.

“You guys aren’t ‘just’ boyfriends. You’re deeply bonded. You’ve been through so much. If Marriage Equality had passed in Thailand sooner, you two probably would have been married by now!”

“Are you crazy?!” My face flushed red, but Jean stood her ground.” I’m serious! Some married couples aren’t as tightly bonded as you and Big Jane. And normally, you live with him. You haven’t actually lived at this house for almost a year, did you know that? So… remember him quickly!”

“Uh, I’m trying. But I really can’t.”

“Ugh, this won’t do. We can’t let it stay like this!”

“Hey… am I someone who’s super obsessed with love? Like, did I ever say that if I had to break up with him, I’d kill myself or something?” Jean’s eyes nearly popped out of her head.

“You weren’t ‘obsessed with love.’ You were obsessed with him!”” T-That’s ridiculous!” I shouted, my face turning even redder.

“It’s true! How could you not be? Big Jane is so handsome and sexy. He’s rich, powerful, and comes from a great family.”

“That’s the thing… why would someone like that like me? By the way, you said he’s ‘powerful.’ What does he do for a living?” Jean refused to answer.

“You have to ask him yourself. This is it! When you talk, ask him questions. Ask a lot. Ask everything you want to know so you have something to talk about. The more you talk, the more you might remember.”

“Fine. I’ll give it a try.”

“Speak of the devil! Big Jane is calling you right now!” Jean grabbed my phone from the bed and waved it excitedly when she saw the caller ID.

“Hey! Don’t throw it! What if I miss it and slip and fall again?”

“Oh, right. Here, take it. Answer it! Answer!” I looked at Jean’s nagging face and had no choice but to press accept. I cleared my throat before speaking into the phone.

“Hello?”

[Hey. It’s me. What are you doing?]

“Ask him! Ask him something!” Jean mouthed silently, gesturing for me to keep the conversation going. She was practically bouncing next to me. I turned away from her because the sight was making me dizzy.

“I’m… doing some light exercise.” Even though he told me we should speak familiarly, I still couldn’t do it comfortably. I felt so distant from him, like he was just a stranger. Because, to me, he actually was.

[Hmm. You’re at home now, right?]

“Yes.”

[Do you have a headache? Are you tired or feeling unwell anywhere?]

“No, I’m fine.”

[Okay then… see you soon. ]

“Eh?” I let out a surprised sound.

[I’m on my way over. I’m going to take you out. ]

“Uh, that might not be a good idea. Dad and Mom probably don’t want me going out yet.” He laughed softly.

[I called and asked them both already. They said okay. ]

“Oh… I see.” I guess I have no excuse since Dad and Mom are in on it.

[Yes. ]

“Then… let me tell Jet first.”

[No need. It’ll be just the two of us. I can take care of you. ]

“Where have you been for the last three days?” I blurted it out before I could stop myself. My tone almost sounded like I was reproaching him. I saw Jean looking like she wanted to scream silently before she started rolling around on the bed. Dammit! Why did I ask that? It was like my mouth moved on autopilot. I asked because I felt like I had to-if I didn’t, it would bother me. Even though I didn’t even understand why I asked, because I didn’t even really want to know!

[Did you miss me?]

Just from his voice, I could tell he was smiling. I had no answer. My heart hammered. My face was numb with embarrassment. My tongue felt tied in a knot, leaving me speechless.

[See you in fifteen minutes. I’m on my way, baby. ]…

Baby? What ‘baby’?!

[I’m going to give you a hug until you stop missing me. ]

“Hey! I never said I missed you! Hello? Hello! Did you hang up? Hello!”