Rule No. 1: Don’t be too emotional : Chapter 8

Could it be that I’m nervous?

I haven’t been this way In a while

I wonder if you know

They say keep waiting for the day Your heart knows it feels right

I don’t know a thing about you But I know I wanna give this a try

“And then what happened… ?” Gap held his breath, leaning forward so intensely he stopped eating his garlic chicken.

His eyes were wide as saucers. I, meanwhile, kept my head buried low.

“Then… it was shit.” Thud!!!

“Why are you slamming the table?! My fork almost flew away!”” Don’t play tug-of-war with me! I asked, then what?!” “Well… I was so shocked that he kissed me and said those things. So… I pretended I was going to throw up, Gap.”

“You idiot, Jane!”

“Don’t yell at meee! I know I messed up!” I pressed my palms together in a frantic prayer above my head. “At that moment, my brain just stalled. We were staring into each other’s eyes and I was… so embarrassed I couldn’t handle it. So I faked a gag. But then, it turned out I actually had to throw up. He got worried and dragged me to the bathroom, and I… I really lost it. The alcohol from earlier was still in there. I puked until I had no strength left. P’Jane had to hold smelling salts to my nose. I was barely conscious. Then my dad called-he was already near the uni-so I told P’Jane to drop me at the 7-Eleven by the bridge. He handed me off to my dad’s car, and I went home… ” “Ugh! So the summary is you guys still haven’t cleared anything up?” “Yeah… it was all so frantic.”

“Hmph! You’re so disappointing! I practically shoved you into the tiger’s den, thinking you’d at least get one round in!”

“What the hell are you saying?!” My face turned beet red instantly.” And hey, I’m still mad at you! How could you hand me over to him when I was that wasted? My image is completely ruined now, you know?”

“Oh, Jane! He likes you, you like him. Your hearts are aligned, what’s there to worry about? And why didn’t you tell your parents you weren’t coming home? Then your dad wouldn’t have come looking for you.”

“I forgot… going drinking with you wasn’t exactly a pre-planned event, you know.” “Sigh. Lame! Whatever, I’m done talking to you. I’m annoyed at how frustrating this is.”” That much?”

“Yeah! But I bet the one who’s even more annoyed than me is P’Jane. Believe me.”“ You think so?”

“Duh. Instead of having a proper talk and reaching an agreement, you barfed like a maniac and then your dad showed up. The timing was completely ruined.” Gap’s words made me spiral. What if last night made him sop liking me? No way… if that happened, I’d definitely go for a second round of getting wasted. Because I like P’Jane so much… Gosh, I never thought I’d have to admit it to myself so bluntly. I haven’t liked anyone in a long time-so long I almost forgot what falling for someone felt like. The Library Confrontation I spent the whole day with my heart thumping. Every time my phone vibrated, I snatched it up like a bomb that needed defusing. My heart would do seven back-to-back acrobatic flips, only to sink every time I saw it was just a spam SMS or a LINE message from someone else. By 2: 00 PM, my friends and I were at the library. Everything was quiet until Gap started kicking my leg under the table and nodding behind me. I frowned and turned around. P’Jane! My heart raced so hard I thought it would leap out of my chest. He walked straight over, and everyone at the table looked up at once. He gripped my shoulder and spoke in a voice that was firm but controlled: “Jane, are you free? I need to talk to you.” Aaaaah! How should I answer?! Should I play hard to get? Or just go?! I shot a quick glance at Gap, who signaled for me to go. I nodded and stood up.

“I don’t have any more classes today anyway. I’ll probably head straight home after this.” “Got it,” Gap replied .

I walked out with P’Jane, my heart hammering the whole way. We didn’t speak until we cleared the library doors.

“Are you hungry?” he asked.

“Uh, no. No, sir.” Crap, why am I being so formal? “Then where should we talk?” P’Jane gave me the choice. This conversation felt life-altering, so l wanted somewhere quiet and private. I thought of his room-even if my memory of it was a drunken blur.

“Maybe your room?” “Better not.” His instant rejection made me flinch. Is he hiding something?

“It’s not that I’m hiding anything,” he added, “but I think if we go up to my room, it won’t end at just ‘talking.’” My eyes went wide as saucers. Mny whole body flushed at the double entendre. “Let’s go to Starbucks then. It should be quiet this time of day.” He smiled .

It was a good choice. I sat opposite him, staring at my knees, unable to look him in the eye. Usually, we chattered non-stop, but now the silence was deafening. I wanted to run, but l didn’t. It was an awkwardness built on a foundation of intense butterflies. “Jane.”

“Yes… ?” I jumped. He was smiling with his eyes.” Are you startled?”

“A little.”

“I wanted to say… your face is very red. Now it’s even redder.” Stop teasing me, you crazy senior! I lunged for my Hojicha and took a huge gulp to hide my face. Crap! Hot! My mouth is cooking! “Cough! Hack!” P’Jane laughed even harder as I sat there gagging with my tongue out, eyes watering. He handed me tissues and water.

“P’Jane… cough… stop it. It’s your fault!” “Everything is my fault now, huh?”

“Yes! You avoided me, you skipped Social Dance… I almost had to partner with Chassy! If that happened, how would you have taken responsibility?!” He gave a small, sincere smile.” I’m sorry.” His sincerity deflated my anger.

“Why did you have to be so mad at mne?” “I wasn’t mad. I’ve never been mad at you.”” Liar… “” Really.” He moved to sit next to me on the sofa. His dark eyes locked onto mine, making my heart flutter. We were so close I could hear the tiny lock charm on his necklace clinking against his chest.

“I was just hurt

[pouty] .

I thought you didn’t like me back. Because… I like you very much.” I bit my lip, feeling like my cheeks were going to explode from the heat. Then, he reached out and interlaced his fingers with mine.

“Jane… Jane, dear.” Gosh, don’t use that soft whisper!

“The reason you were sad… is because you like me too, right? Is it?” I nodded. I finally understood why he didn’t want to go to his room. Even in public, I felt like he was about to consume me. He clearly knew he didn’t have much self-control. “P’Jane… don’t you think this is a bit… crowded?”

“The AC is cold in this branch, and I didn’t bring a jacket today.”

“But it’s so cramped… I’m going to fall off the sofa!” “Jane?” “Hmm?” “Your hands are so small.” I looked down at my hand inside his. It really did look tiny, like a child’s hand.” Jane?” “Yes?” “So… what exactly are we to each other?” I shivered and closed my eyes as he whispered in my ear. His breath was hot, and his hand was tracing patterns on the back of mine. His perfume filled my lungs. P’Jane… you’re so bold! Even if we’re in a corner, have some shame! I used my free hand to push him away slightly. “I don’t know. What do you want us to be?” My voice was so weak! I tried to sound firm, but failed. And my hand, instead of pushing him away, just ended up resting on his chest. Am I a dumb romance novel protagonist melting at a touch?! “Then… will you be my boyfriend?” Take it.

“Right? Come be my boyfriend, Jane.””… ”

“What do you say?”

“Take it-no! No! No boyfriend yet!” My answer turned P’Jane into a literal stone statue, right as he was about to climb over me. I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.

“I think it’s too fast for us to be boyfriends. We just met.” I squeezed his hand. “It’s not that I don’t like you, you know that. But I think it’s better if we study each other’s personalities more.” I tried to make my feelings clear. “Besides, isn’t the beginning of a relationship-the ‘talking’ phase-the best part? I want to keep this feeling for a long time. I don’t want it to fade fast.”

“How long?”” Huh?”

” You said you want to keep it like this for a long time.

I’m asking, how long? You have to give me a timeframe.” I thought it over. “Until I feel like we are both ready.” “And what defines ‘ready’?” “… ” I’m speechless.

“If we wait until we’re ‘ready, ‘ there will always be something to wait for,” he argued, his gaze deep enough to slice me into pieces.

“I think since our hearts are aligned, we shouldn’t waste time. We can learn about each other while dating. Isn’t that true?” He continued , “Talking without a status is risky, Jane.

Risky because I could tell others I’m still single. You could too.”

“But the way we act will be different. I still feel like I know too little about you. The truth is… I know almost nothing about you, P’Jane. I only know your nickname is Jane, your real name is Jane, you’re a senior, you’re single, and you’re in my faculty. That’s it. Really.” I looked him in the eye, firm. It was the honest truth. It was a terrifyingly small amount of information. P’Jane had never told me anything about himself. I didn’t want a “surprise” after we started dating. Finally, he smiled-though his eyes didn’t quite join in. “Okay. I understand.” “Understand what… ?” “I agree to just ‘talk’ with you for now.” “Really?!” “Yeah. In the meantime, we learn and adjust. Deal?” I beamed.” Deal!” “P’Jane, let’s play a Speedy Quiz.” “What is it?”

“Fast questions and answers. Like I said, I know nothing about you. I want to start learning.” He propped his chin on his hand. “Alright. Can I ask you too? Or just you asking me?”

“We take turns.”

“I’ll start!” I said enthusiastically. “Question one: Have you ever had a girlfriend?”“ Yes.” Dammit, I don’t want to play anymore. The first question already hurts. I swallowed my jealousy.

“Question two: How many?” “One.”

“Was it a long time ago?”

“A very long time ago.”

“How long?”

“Since my sophomore year.”

“Sophomore year?! That’s not that long ago! Was she in our uni? Was she pretty?” He laughed .

“Is this a Speedy Quiz or an interrogation?”

“I don’t know anything about you!” I blushed. “It was a long time ago. I barely remember anything about her. Next question?”” Can I ask about your family? What do your parents do?” “My mom is a housewife. My dad works for a company,” he answered simply.” Oh… ”

“They aren’t together anymore.” I was surprised. P’Jane’s life seemed too luxurious for his parents to be just “ordinary” people who were separated. Where does he get all this money if only his dad works? His dad must be incredibly successful.

“What kind of company does your dad work for?”

“He used to work for a shoe company. Now he’s at a logistics company.”

“Ah.” If he’s been there a long time, he must be high-ranking.

“My turn,” P’Jane said. “Jane, have you ever had a girlfriend?”“ Never.” He raised an eyebrow and smirked.” Why?” “Well… when I like someone… I’m never brave enough to confess. And when someone likes me… I usually don’t like them back.”

“I see… ” He hummed, looking smug. “And have you ever ‘talked’ to anyone?”“… Yes.” I could have lied, but his gaze felt like a lie-detector test.” Who? Girl or boy?”

“Both. But the most serious one, the most recent, was a guy.”“ When?” “Senior year of high school… into freshman year of uni.”“ Why did you stop talking?”

“He was a cheater. Once we hit freshman year, he changed. I was tired, so I ended it.”

“Were you sad?”

“Very… very sad. I don’t want to feel that way again.”

“Don’t worry, Jane. I’m not a cheater.” I hope not. If you are, tell me now so I don’t risk my heart.

“Jane, if there’s one thing I can guarantee about myself, it’s that l don’t cheat.” His words made my heart swell. My last relationship had been quite pure-we met at a cram school and talked until university changed everything. I had to hide my pain back then because I hadn’t told anyone, not even my family or Gap. Thinking about it made me a bit sad, but only a little.

“Don’t be sad.” He rubbed my head again.

“Why do you like rubbing my head so much?”

“Hmm? Is it bad?”

“It’s good… it feels nice. It’s like charging a battery. And it’sa form of flirting, isn’t it? You’ve been rubbing my head this whole time just to flirt with me, haven’t you?!” I slapped his arm. He laughed loudly but didn’t answer.

“See! I knew it! Do you want to try rubbing your head? So you can understand how it feels?”

“Which head?” P’Jane asked.

“If it’s the one on top, I won’t feel much. But if it’s the other head… I’d feel a whole lot.” “P’JANE!!!” I screamed, my face turning a violent shade of red that spread down to my neck. He laughed in his throat, his eyes full of mischief. He looked at me without a hint of shame. I knew it… P’Jane is actually a pervert! The calm, gentlemanly act is just a shell to trick people. No wonder he was born with that devious handsome face.

“So, are you going to rub it? The one down there? But you have to rub it in my room.” “You crazy, lewd, perverted psycho!!” I punched his arm repeatedly while he laughed maniacally. Finally, he caught my fists in his hands.

“Enough, enough. My arm hurts.” “Because you said something crazy!” “Okay, okay. I’ll stop.” He surrendered, still grinning. “Shall we go get food, ‘Person-I’m-Talking-To’? I’m hungry. Then I’ll drop you home.” “Okay.” We stood up and walked out of the shop together…. Thinking back, today’s Speedy Quiz didn’t actually make me know P’Jane much better at all. Even though he answered every question… where did I go wrong?