Deep in the Act: Chapter 34

It was just a light and shallow kiss, simple lips touching lips. Fang Chi gripped the steering wheel in frustration, unwilling to recall that image. He was afraid, so afraid his fingers went cold. Gao Zhun sat obediently in the passenger seat, looking at him with watery eyes, like a child waiting to unwrap a gift. He had been captured by him, with a honey coated knife, with a poison smeared net. He struggled with all his might, nearing his limit. His naive predator was already preparing to enjoy the feast.

Fang Chi turned the steering wheel to the right, watching Gao Zhun from the corner of his eye. “It’s still early. Let’s do a real world exposure training.”

Gao Zhun’s eyes went wide, looking very disappointed. “Aren’t we going home…”

“Yes,” a surge of hatred welled up from the bottom of Fang Chi’s heart. He hated this person’s sweetness, this person’s fragility, hated how he had stormed into his life like a force of nature. “To your home.”

At first Gao Zhun didn’t understand what he meant. The car drove slowly, entering his residential compound, turning toward his building. It didn’t stop in front of the building, but slid into the underground parking garage. Gao Zhun’s hand suddenly clenched up. He looked at the window in terror, subconsciously curling into a ball. “Dr… Dr. Fang!”

Fang Chi felt a dark satisfaction, some pleasure in torment and revenge. “Today’s goal is to get used to the parking garage.”

He stopped the car deep in the garage, pulled the handbrake, shifted to neutral, turned off the engine. The whole world went quiet. Only Gao Zhun’s trembling pleas remained. “No… I can’t…” He trembled as he pressed against Fang Chi’s side, eyes brimming with tears, pitifully begging for rescue. “Let’s go upstairs. Okay?”

Fang Chi unbuckled his seatbelt. Gao Zhun knew he wouldn’t listen to him anymore. He fumbled to unbuckle his own, his subconscious telling him he had to keep up with him, or he would be abandoned.

“Describe your current feelings to me.” Fang Chi wanted to let him soak in this fear for a while.

Gao Zhun tried to reach for his hand. “This place makes me remember that day again, remember him…” Fang Chi withdrew his hand. The obvious avoidance made Gao Zhun scream in distress. “He bullied me, he hurt me!”

“You’re referring to him having sex with you?”

Gao Zhun nodded righteously. Fang Chi countered, “Then what about the things you and I did at night? What’s the difference?”

Gao Zhun was speechless, his whole person frozen. Fang Chi continued, “The same act, sometimes you feel fear, sometimes you feel… enjoyment. This shows the act itself is not the problem. It lies in how you interpret it.”

“That’s because it was with you,” Gao Zhun was pushed to the point of tears. “Because it was you, I…”

“Same person, me. Then what’s so scary about this parking garage?”

Fang Chi opened the door and got out. With a bang he slammed the car door shut. Gao Zhun shook violently, chasing after him to escape outside. Outside was a world of steel and concrete. A faint smell of gasoline and lime. The lights were stark white, suddenly making him lose his sense of direction. Those memories came back. Footsteps. Car key sounds. The clicking of a motor… Fang Chi gently supported his waist. “Where is your car parked?”

Gao Zhun immediately calmed down. “Zone C, 028.”

Fang Chi pushed him from behind, making him walk forward, silently following behind himself. It was clear Gao Zhun was very afraid. He would hesitate and stop after a few steps. At these moments Fang Chi would press close. “Don’t be scared. I’m here.”

Don’t be scared. I’m here. He had said this many times. It had become an incantation, miraculously able to put Gao Zhun at ease. “I want a reward,” he forced himself, bargaining with Fang Chi. “Tonight… be a bit nicer to me.”

Fang Chi was surprised. “Am I not nice enough to you?” From behind he could see Gao Zhun’s reddened neck. He very much wanted to grip it, but held back. Gao Zhun said softly, “A bit nicer.”

Fang Chi didn’t answer. He followed him to Zone C, the 20s section. On 028 sat a top of the line Cayenne, dark blue, covered in a thick layer of dust. The driver’s seat was reclined. It looked very strange.

“How long since it’s been moved?”

“Since that day…” Gao Zhun took a deep breath. Fang Chi was afraid he couldn’t take it, supporting him from behind. “How did you get to the hotel?”

“Walked,” thinking of the situation at that time, Gao Zhun still trembled in pain. “It hurt so much…”

Fang Chi’s two hands touched his thighs. “Did you bring the car keys?”

“No,” Gao Zhun turned wanting to throw himself into his embrace, but was forcibly twisted and pressed against the car door. “Remember to bring them tomorrow.”

“My clothes…” The dust from the car door stained Gao Zhun’s suit jacket.

“A rapist won’t care about your clothes,” Fang Chi deliberately acted rough. “Now imagine me as that person, standing behind you unexpectedly, preparing to attack you.”

Gao Zhun was trembling, very obviously. He had already entered the terror scenario. Involuntarily, Fang Chi’s gaze traced down his straight spine. Narrow shoulders, slim waist, and the buttocks swelling beneath the suit jacket. “He…” he swallowed. “Grabbed your neck, right?”

Gao Zhun nodded. So Fang Chi stretched out his right hand, lightly gripping his neck. “Like this?” He didn’t dare use force, but Gao Zhun slightly swayed his body to break free from the grip on his neck. This made Fang Chi’s grip tighten. “At that time, did you also twist… like this?”

“No…” Gao Zhun trembled. “He moved very fast. Before I could react, he pushed me into the car.”

Fang Chi suddenly felt anger. Whether it was anger or jealousy, he couldn’t tell. That heart scratching, liver wrenching pain. He seemed to see that image now. A guy in a baseball cap pressing Gao Zhun’s neck, pushing him into the car, climbing on top of him, hitting him, frantically tearing his clothes… He felt so sorry for him. He couldn’t help embracing him from behind.

“Ah!” Gao Zhun cried out in fright. Fang Chi didn’t let go.

“He didn’t do this,” Gao Zhun twisted and struggled. “Don’t do this…”

Fang Chi imagined himself as that rapist. Like abusing a defenseless woman, he groped all over Gao Zhun through his clothes, ravaging him, provoking his fragile nerves.

“No… spare me!” Gao Zhun sobbed and begged. “Let’s not do this training. Let’s not do it, okay?”

This wasn’t training at all. It was just Fang Chi’s whim to toy with him. He had an impulse to flip Gao Zhun over, open his body, bite his lips… Just as he was lost in confusion, a young couple came down from the elevator entrance, chatting and laughing as they passed by. They heard Gao Zhun’s cries for help. They also saw Fang Chi’s appearance. They stopped in stunned shock.

Fang Chi panted heavily and let go of Gao Zhun, running a hand through his hair. The man set down the plastic bag in his hand, his gaze shifting between him and Gao Zhun. Then he questioned Fang Chi warily, “What are you doing?”

“I…” Fang Chi found he had nothing to say.

The woman pulled out her phone, quietly discussing with the man, “Should we call the police?”

Gao Zhun hid in Fang Chi’s arms in shame. Hearing them say they would call the police, he poked his face out and pleaded, “No, don’t call the police,” his voice thin and small. “He’s my doctor.”

The two of them didn’t believe it, persuading him while moving closer to the car. “He’s attacking you, right? Don’t be afraid of his threats. We can help you.”

“No,” Gao Zhun blocked in front of Fang Chi, as if they were about to take Fang Chi away. “You go away. Mind your own business!”

He was very emotional. Fang Chi hurriedly pulled him, saying to those two well meaning people, “I really am his doctor. A psychologist,” he appeared very sincere. “We’re conducting behavioral therapy treatment. Thank you very much for stepping forward in this kind of situation. This will help many people.”

That couple immediately believed him. He had a face that made people trust him, open and flawless beyond reproach.

After politely saying goodbye, they went to get in their car. Gao Zhun was terrified, gripping Fang Chi’s clothes and not letting go. “Will they guess… guess that I was…”

Fang Chi put his arm around him to comfort him. “They won’t. They thought it was a robbery.”

Gao Zhun didn’t believe it. “No… my voice was very strange!”

Fang Chi felt inexplicably restless. “Even if they think we’re gay, so what?”

Gao Zhun looked at him blankly. “Think we’re…” He wanted to say “a couple.” When he thought of this word, his face suddenly flushed red. He had never thought this way, never thought about possibly becoming “a couple” with Fang Chi. He foolishly asked, “Can we…”

Fang Chi was stunned by his question, staring straight at him. The two of them looked at each other in silence for a moment.

When they got back to Fang Chi’s place it was around seven o’clock. The daylight was dim, a hazy gray on the horizon. Very tacitly, neither he nor Gao Zhun spoke. They silently took off their own clothes. Who pulled the thick curtains, they couldn’t say. After showering, Fang Chi only laid out one blanket. Black and white checkered pattern. Gao Zhun blushed as he crawled in, carrying fresh, lively moisture.

It was still early, but Fang Chi turned off the lights. As soon as he lay down, Gao Zhun sat up in the dark. Fang Chi didn’t dare look toward him, but could sense that he was unbuttoning his pajamas one by one. Taking off his clothes, Gao Zhun lifted his hips, curled his legs under the covers, pulling his pants down. Pressing against Fang Chi, he lay down wearing only his underwear.

Fang Chi stared at the pitch black ceiling, sweat seeping from his forehead. Sure enough, within a few seconds, Gao Zhun trembled as he climbed onto him, his fine soft hair hanging down, lightly brushing his face.

“Dr. Fang…” Before the lips came down, Fang Chi heard Gao Zhun call hoarsely, just like the kiss he had given him, this kiss was also like a dragonfly touching water. Like cherishing, yet also like timidity. Gao Zhun used his lips to rub ceaselessly against that small patch of skin on his chin, as if hoping he would be kind enough to kiss him back.

But Fang Chi didn’t. He was a master of psychological warfare. His two hands glided over Gao Zhun’s naked flesh, deliberately avoiding places like the hip bones, armpits, and nipples with bad intentions. Gao Zhun was teased by him like a cat in heat with its hind legs raised, puffing cool air as he spread his hips, raising his butt to sit on him.

Just like what Fang Chi had done to him last night, Gao Zhun swayed his hips and forcefully bumped against the bulge beneath him, humming wantonly as he bumped, his hand rubbing on Fang Chi’s sweat damp chest, going lower and lower until the turned up hem of the T shirt. He gripped there, struggling to pull it upward. Fang Chi grabbed his hand and cruelly pulled it away.

“You promised,” Gao Zhun protested grievously. “Promised to be nicer to me…”

“I didn’t promise.” Fang Chi tried to maintain the image of a doctor.

“You did,” Gao Zhun urgently refuted. Hot liquid fell on his face. Fang Chi reached out to touch it. It was tears. Gao Zhun cried as he begged him. “You clearly promised!”

Fang Chi didn’t know what was wrong with himself. He raised his waist, pulled off his T shirt in one go, leaned over and embraced him. Except for the lips, he kissed almost that entire face. He tasted the flavor of those tears. Salty, bitter. It was the taste of love.

“Ah… ah…” Gao Zhun went limp against him, unable to take it. His butt was like it had a spring wound up, arching up and down wildly. But even with such effort, Fang Chi still felt it wasn’t enough. Holding those two buttocks, he twisted and pried them apart, squeezing wildly in rhythm with Gao Zhun’s thrusting. The round flesh of his butt was squeezed out of shape by him. The cotton underwear was rubbed loose. As soon as his fingers touched the real flesh beneath the fabric, he became so excited he didn’t know what to do, thrusting his waist upward like a rutting brute, until both palms were rubbed sweaty and wet. Only then did he stop in panic.

“Touch… touch me…” Gao Zhun’s bones had gone soft from being touched. He grabbed Fang Chi’s arm, making him continue to handle him. That half turned back look was truly wanton, giving Fang Chi a fear that he couldn’t stop. He grabbed those two slick buttocks, however he pinched and kneaded them, Gao Zhun was excited beyond knowing what to do.

Fang Chi hated him most when he was like this. He had imagined him being raped by a thug in the car, and he was just like this. So powerless, so abandoned. He hatefully grabbed his buttocks and flipped Gao Zhun underneath him, then bit down on his nipple. In the up and down flip, the underwear loosened from his hip bones, sliding to his thighs. Gao Zhun shrank his chest crying out in pain, but even as he cried, he twisted his knees to push his underwear down, down to his calves, his ankle bones nimbly swaying, using his toes to kick them off and toss them aside.

Fang Chi knew this whole series of movements. It meant a man was naked beneath him. He could do as he pleased. He instantly became a parched man. Before him was water from a thousand foot cliff, yet he cowardly didn’t dare jump.

Gao Zhun felt he was ready. Ready for what, he didn’t know. He only knew he craved something from Fang Chi, craved him conquering him. That idea of “a couple” tormented him. Muddled and confused, he reached out to pull off Fang Chi’s underwear.

Fang Chi of course stopped him. As if making up for something, he pried Gao Zhun’s hip bones apart, making his erect lower body protrude more, then thrust down hard with effort. Gao Zhun was thrust until he couldn’t catch his breath, broken words squeezing out from between his teeth. “Take them off… I’ll squeeze you…”

Fang Chi suddenly stopped. He heard it clearly, but couldn’t believe it. “What did you say?”

Gao Zhun had never been so ashamed. Biting his lips, he turned his head to the side. Fang Chi pressed, “Say it again.”

“I…” This time his voice almost entirely disappeared at his lips. “I’ll squeeze you… with my thighs…”

Fang Chi’s mind went chaotic. “Where did you learn that?”

Gao Zhun regretted it, twisting and unwilling to speak. Fang Chi lightly slapped his butt, and only then did he cover his face and confess in a muffled voice. “I looked it up on my phone… I was just trying to search for ‘homosexual,’ really!”

“On the way back?”

Gao Zhun nodded. “It popped up by itself. Ten ways homosexuals make love…”

“And you clicked on it?”

“I was just curious!” Gao Zhun was afraid Fang Chi would despise him, gripping his shoulders tightly. But unexpectedly, Fang Chi said nothing. Didn’t say yes, didn’t say no. This made Gao Zhun bolder. Through the underwear, he wanted to squeeze Fang Chi’s lower body. Whether from anxiety or clumsiness, he tried several times but couldn’t get it.

Biting his lips, he wanted to try again. Fang Chi lost patience. Gripping his shoulders, he flipped him face down, pressing up on him unexpectedly. That force was so great that Gao Zhun momentarily lost his sense of direction. Then suddenly, something was inserted between the crack of his butt and thighs. Though separated by a layer of cloth, it was very hard and burning hot.