Deep in the Act: Chapter 48

It was a winter morning, past five o’clock, the sun hadn’t come out yet. Gao Zhun pushed open the hotel door and slowly walked along this not very long pleasure seeking road. Rain started falling overhead, drop by drop, fine as dew. He was afraid of getting his clothes wet, so he stood under the awning of a nightclub with its rolling shutter down, waiting boredly for the rain to stop.

His phone rang. He glanced at it. It was Justin. He didn’t know how many times today already. He pressed decline, pulled up the call log, a full page of missed calls. Scrolling down, there were his calls to Fang Chi, just as many as Justin’s calls to him. The same kind of humbleness, more or less the same kind of pitifulness.

It was almost a habit now. He lightly tapped Fang Chi’s number. From the first ring, his heart started pounding. The more he hoped, the more panicked he became. He was even afraid Fang Chi would actually pick up. By the third ring, he couldn’t take it anymore and simply hung up. Just as he hung up, his phone rang again. He jumped in fright, saw it was Justin, and answered impatiently.

“Teacher!” You could tell, Justin carried a kind of ecstatic joy, like he had been favored. “Where are you, my friend brought back two cases of good wine from Chile, I’m right near your place…”

Gao Zhun cut him off without mercy. “Didn’t I tell you, don’t call me anymore.”

The other side was silent for a while, then said foolishly. “Teacher, I really miss you…”

Gao Zhun only replied with one sentence before hanging up. He said. “Stop thinking about it. We only had that one time.”

He turned off his phone, breathing deeply like he was suffocating. On the gray road in the distance, a person was walking over. Such an empty road, making the figure look lonely. Probably also a late returning hunter of pleasure. The weather was already very cold, yet he only wore a short sleeved shirt, a pair of old jeans, sneakers dirty and grimy, no hat on. Raindrops condensed into a layer of water droplets on his crew cut hair.

Too ordinary a man. Gao Zhun was about to avert his eyes with one glance. It was in this flash of lightning and spark of flint instant that he recognized that person. From the way his neck curved, from the shape of those arms. It was those hands, gripping him tight, tearing his clothes, ravaging his body, brutally beating him… Gao Zhun pressed himself against the rolling shutter in terror, frantically turning his head away.

That person walked up close, looked at him like prey, also gave him a glance. Maybe because it was dark, he walked past. Gao Zhun trembled, covering his mouth. After two steps, that person turned back, staring at him through the thin curtain of rain.

“Holy shit!” he suddenly shouted, the expression on his face could be described with the two words “pleasant surprise.” “Well if it isn’t my old flame!” Saying this, he turned around and came straight for Gao Zhun.

Gao Zhun’s face went white with fear, not knowing to run. Last time that bastard had been wearing a hat. This time he could see the face clearly. Round face, high nose bridge, a pair of smiling eyes. Just talking about looks, he had quite a cute youthful air. “Later I went back to that parking lot to wait for you,” he ducked his head and squeezed under the awning, standing face to face with Gao Zhun, looking like they were reuniting after too long apart. “Didn’t catch you!”

“You… have the wrong person.” Gao Zhun twisted to leave. That guy kicked the rolling shutter with one foot, a loud clang, and Gao Zhun’s whole body shook with the door.

“Wrong?” That person didn’t have the slightest shame a perpetrator should have, instead saying with something like pride. “Impossible,” he stuck both hands in his back pockets, arching his back hooligan style, leaning in close, sniffing behind Gao Zhun’s ear. “Such high class goods like you, once tasted, unforgettable for a lifetime.”

His teeth clattered together uncontrollably, his fingers clenched so tight they were losing blood yet still had no sensation. This was true fear. Gao Zhun had never thought he would see this person again in his life. The wind shifted overhead, rain slanting into his eyes. He desperately thought of Fang Chi, fantasizing he would come save him.

“What, started going out to play?” That person pressed his heavy body against him, pervertedly rubbing his nose all over his face and neck. Gao Zhun desperately dodged, twisting and squirming under his body as he dodged.

“Want to play with us?” That person’s voice changed, growing coarse and hoarse, seeming unable to wait, his hand coming out from his pants pocket, ice cold, slipping into the coat to undo his belt.

“No, don’t!” Tears were about to pour out. Gao Zhun held himself up with all his might. He didn’t want to fall apart crying in front of this person. He remembered Fang Chi had said, stall for time, then find a chance to escape. “Not here…”

Clearly, that kid fell for his softness, pervertedly slamming his lower body against him twice hard, making the rolling shutter creak and groan. “Then to my place?”

Gao Zhun wouldn’t move. “Aren’t you afraid… I’ll call the police?”

Like hearing some hilarious joke, that kid laughed out loud. “What are you going to tell the police, that you, a grown man, got fucked by me? Statement, photos, fingerprinting, then letting some old guy in a white coat press you onto an iron bed for a rectal exam?”

Gao Zhun was deeply humiliated, a flush of shame and anger on both cheeks, but didn’t speak. That person dragged him. “Come on, waiting for me to go soft?”

The rain was still falling. Gao Zhun was dragged out of the small street. Outside the street was the main road, with a few taxis waiting for fares at the intersection. He knew he couldn’t get in one. Suddenly he mustered his strength, shoved that person away and ran for it. But that person’s reaction was too fast, lunging forward one step, arm extending to catch him.

“Running what,” he was like an old lover, holding him close and saying cloyingly. “Playing hard to get with me?”

Gao Zhun was so nervous he was about to cry, trembling, pushed into the taxi. The driver looked at him indifferently. Having waited for fares in this kind of place year round, even the most basic curiosity had been worn away.

Once in the car, that person seemed to grow onto Gao Zhun, holding him tight, petting his face like teasing a little girl. Gao Zhun stared at the rearview mirror pleadingly. The driver saw it, but didn’t respond.

That kid’s home wasn’t far, reached within the starting fare. After paying, he dragged Gao Zhun out of the car, dragging while still very politely saying to the driver. “Sorry about this sir, he’s having a spat with me!”

The driver waved his hand, meaning he wasn’t getting involved in their business. Gao Zhun struggled desperately, his clothes all messed up from struggling. That kid grabbed his two hands from behind, practically carrying him forward. This was an old style residential complex, crumbling walls and broken stairs. In between Gao Zhun tried to run twice, both times dragged back.

Third floor. That kid pulled out keys to open the door. The lock turned, revealing a crack in the door. This was the last chance. Gao Zhun was like a lamb in a tiger’s mouth, wailing piteously. “Let me go, I beg you…”

“Sleeping with who isn’t sleeping,” that person pushed him into the room, slamming the door shut. “Played with so many people, playing innocent with me.” Saying this, right at the doorway, he kissed Gao Zhun.

A saliva drenched kiss. Gao Zhun stared at him, just about to bite when he was flipped over and pressed against the wall. He wanted to resist, but his pants were pulled off again. He heard the sound of spitting, then his buttocks were spread open. He desperately pulled at that guy’s wrist. “Condom…” he said softly. “Put on a condom…”

That person started searching his body, flipping around but couldn’t find one. Gao Zhun pulled one out from his suit pocket, trembling as he passed it behind him. That person took it and tore it open with his mouth, very nastily patting his buttocks. “Baby, going in raw okay?”

He was just asking, not expecting an answer. Gao Zhun was pined against the stained white wall, eyelashes drooping. “I said it hurts, I’ll bleed, would you stop?” He was just muttering to himself, tears flowing out, soaking the wall plaster. He was numb, prepared to endure it. But what entered wasn’t a man’s penis, but a nimble tongue.

Gao Zhun cried out in shock, his whole body pressing against the wall. That tongue chased after him relentlessly, curling and rotating deep inside. This kind of licking was absurd and rough, but shockingly stimulating. Gao Zhun cried out, both hands pushing that person’s head back with all their might. The tongue licked all the way up from his privates, tailbone, waist, back. In the morning light you could see a clear trail of water marks. “Come, let me feel, are you hard yet,” that person reached his hand forward, grabbing Gao Zhun’s erect lower body, gently rubbing it. “Daddy going in?”

“What dad…” Gao Zhun couldn’t stand him saying this. So many men, not one had spoken to him like this. All the blood in his body seemed to rush to his head. He was too ashamed to get the words out. Just then his backside tightened sharply, that person entered.

Once in he started sprinting, each thrust as accurate and full as the last. Gao Zhun felt like he was being torn in half from the middle, his fingers clawing randomly at the wall in vain, dizzy and spellbound, like he was about to climax, but the thrusting stopped behind him, rubbing the flesh of his shoulder and back, then pulling out.

Gao Zhun took this chance to catch two breaths. He wanted to look back, but found his hands and feet wouldn’t move, like a lab animal with paralyzed nerves, shivering as he waited for that ruthless scalpel. That person quickly came back, lying on top of him again, pinching his left nipple. “No heart problems right?”

“Huh?” Gao Zhun responded blankly, and almost simultaneously, his buttocks were grabbed, that person entering a second time. Originally there was nothing to it, but when thrusting quickly to the root, Gao Zhun suddenly cried out. It was the kind of cry reason couldn’t control the vocal cords for, sharp, piercing the eardrums. “What, what is it!” He wildly shook his buttocks, wanting to escape from that heart scratching pleasure.

What kind of feeling was this? That person’s thing seemed to have grown hair, dense and hard, a whole ring around it, scraping his anus in and out. Gao Zhun came apart with pleasure, his four limbs soft as if their bones had been extracted, humming as he was about to collapse onto the floor. After doing it like this a dozen or so times, tears and snot already covered his face. He cried out and came, all onto the concrete floor, a large puddle.

That person didn’t stop. Gao Zhun was being throbbed up and down, staring in shock at that puddle of semen on the floor. He couldn’t believe it, just a few hours ago he had come twice, and now he had been made to produce this much, and so quickly. That guy was being squeezed by his spasming clenching, also almost there, forcefully lifting his buttocks up, pressing against him and going at it hard. Though he had already come, Gao Zhun still cried out desperately,  unsightly to behold, like he had transformed into a beast.

When the other person came, how he came, he knew nothing of it. By the time his intestines were finally liberated, he heard that person say satisfiedly in his ear. “Peruvian miracle sheep eye ring, baby got you high as hell!”

Gao Zhun bit his teeth, desperately enduring that trembling afterglow in his body. That guy supported his waist with one hand, leading him toward the bathroom. Very small and dim, in the corner was an old style washing machine, the machine cover piled with underwear and socks, very lived in, faintly you could smell a citrus fragrance.

The water pressure was strong, the showerhead shaking violently the moment it was turned on. The hot water hitting his body even hurt a bit. Gao Zhun was washed in a daze. That kid was very careful, not carrying the slightest eroticism, as careful as washing family. “Doesn’t hurt right, no bleeding either,” he said ingratiatingly, slowly rubbing Gao Zhun’s waist muscles. “What score do you give me?”

Gao Zhun ignored him, blankly staring at the orange steam. That kid touched his cheek, turning it over to intimately caress, wet eyes looking at him reluctantly, like he had something to say but couldn’t get it out. They were about the same height, only their builds differed greatly. Gao Zhun had his face cupped by him, caressed so closely. He thought he was going to kiss him, or do it again. But no, that kid randomly wiped his body and went out.

The door closed. Gao Zhun slowly squatted down. The water was so hot, yet he was somewhat shaking. Outside, faint music could be heard. His eyes moved, and under the sink on the floor he saw a small glass plate, with a burnt down candle stuck to it, and a fruit knife with congealed wax oil. He picked up the knife, stood up and looked at the fogged mirror. The face in the mirror was blurred. The knife was heavy in his hand. He wiped his face and pulled open the door.

Facing the door was the bed. That kid lay on the bed, stark naked. Dawn had broken, pink morning light enveloping his vivid flesh. In the corner of the bed was a pile of clothes, Gao Zhun’s. On the windowsill sat a small speaker, Cantonese quietly singing. “Rain by the window, desperately disturbing sleep, again wetting the messy hair,

No need to panic, you weep in fright, don’t be afraid, love is innocent.

Please close the window, place hope in dreams of the future, let me hold your hand again,

No need to run away, though worldly gazes are absurd, for you, I willingly bear.”

The knife rested against the sink edge. Just one step across, and Gao Zhun would be free. That nightmare midnight, his illness, aimless sex, and Fang Chi, the culprit was right there, separated from him by the distance of a blade. Whether it was the morning light’s fault, or this song’s fault, Gao Zhun looked at him, yet seemed to see himself. So lonely, so helpless, at the corner of his mouth facing the morning glow, Gao Zhun seemed to see tears.

“May there be a place, where love need not be harmed, killing the colors within,

May there be a day, where pain need not be endured, dyeing forbidden colors into the soul…”

That kid listened intently, suddenly noticing Gao Zhun was watching. He awkwardly turned his head, jumping naked off the bed. “Eat before you go, happened to wrap wontons last night.”

“If this place, must harm love, killing the colors within,

Let me disappear into this night’s wind and rain, to be reborn in some dreamlike age.”

The hand holding the knife loosened. Just a thought’s difference. Gao Zhun walked out of the bathroom. On the bed, his clothes were folded neatly. From the kitchen came the sounds of water and fire. He looked around this small room, suddenly finding it very much like his childhood home. Just him and his mother, no art, no luxury cars, no VIP gold card.

“Come here!” came a shout from the kitchen. “Wash two bowls for me!”

Gao Zhun looked in his direction, didn’t move. That person shouted again. “Hurry up, or I’ll beat you!”

Gao Zhun didn’t feel afraid, only found it ridiculous. He walked over, bare feet on the concrete floor, ice cold.

Wontons rolled in the iron wok, with a simple rustic fragrance. That kid held a strainer, pointing him toward the bowl cabinet. Washing bowls, something he hadn’t done in how many years. Gao Zhun took out two bowls, opened the tap, rinsing them under the water.

That kid saw this, threw down the strainer. “You don’t know how to wash bowls,” he gave him a sideways glance, stretching both arms from behind, left and right like he was going to hug someone. Gao Zhun tensed up. That kid sensed it. “What, not used to it?” He gathered his arms, hugging him solidly, rubbing against Gao Zhun’s neck. “Or really like it?”

Flesh against flesh, a pair of beautiful naked bodies, a morning kitchen, pale blue flames, a bone stuck in the throat of hate… The water flowed fast and white, four hands dodging and entangling in the water, the bowls slippery almost impossible to hold.

“Just now,” Gao Zhun finally spoke. “There was a moment, I wanted to kill you.”